Digging around in old garbage generally creates an undesirable stink. Unless some necessity motivates you, reflect on the good aspects of your life, feel good about who you are and who you want to be, and try not to spend useless time speculating on the motives of others and what might have been................No worries!

If he's known about you all your life, then it would be him not caring. I don't see what the secret could be unless you were unlisted and hidden. Sense he left you, he's not your father, but a sperm donor. It's important to remember that. It sounds like your mom raised you and he played no part in your upbringing, even though he should have. If what I understand is accurate, you should also be prepared incase your mom to be upset and hurt if you wish to see him, as he is a man who abandoned you two and didn't offer any help what so ever..

I am a mother of a child who is in a similar situation. Any father (named on birth certificate etc.) who want's contact with their child is able to petition the court and there would be some record of this. If even if he knew he had a physical relationship and then finds out she later had a child he can petition for a paternity test. If the father is fit there would be some sort of visitation allowed. Sometimes it is not in the best interest for the child to have contact, incarceration, drug, employment, housing issues etc. In some cases a father chooses to play the victim and not take resposibility, feeling the situation is about them. It is not. It is about the child. All the mother can do is all she can to raise the child/ren on her own the best she can. As the child you need to realize anything less than a parent taking full resposibility and doing everything in their power and within their personal situation is a problem with them and not with the child. Not all people are capable of loving and treating us as we wish and not all people do all they possibly can to rectify the situations they face in life. If your mother did not share the paternity she had to have had her reasons and you may never fully understand them, but if you are able I would ask.

Personally, I think dead beat dads, just dont want the responsibility.

How is someone you dont know your "real" father? That is a biogical father not real father. Anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy! You may want to check him out as much as possible, like check his court records, before you decide to bring him into your life.

Don't play the blame game. Nobody ever wins. Adults are not infallible, and there are many who are downright irresponsible and selfish. It really doesn't matter what the driving force was behind his decision not to be involved in your life. Placing the blame on someone isn't going to change the fact that he wasn't there for you, and pointing fingers is only going to open up a whole new can of worms in terms of your relationships with both of your parents. Have you had a reliable father figure in your life? Do you feel that you missed out somehow by not having a relationship with your biological father? In all honesty, would you want a relationship with a man who abandons his child? Think about it. He's probably the kind of guy who wouldn't have been much good even if he HAD hung around to help raise you, which is probably the reason why your mother didn't see fit to keep him around. Are you thinking about initiating contact with him? Before you do, ask yourself what you stand to gain from the experience. There's a chance that he may not be happy to see you. It's sad to say, but it's true. Just remember that it's not YOUR fault he wasn't around. It really isn't anyone's fault. Sometimes things just don't work out the way we hope they will.

My husband just went through this with his dad. The man signed his birth certificate and gave him a name, but that was it. Not one word for 34 years. A few months ago he asked me to see what I could do to find his dad. I found him, but unfortunately it was in the obituaries. My husband still has many unanswered questions. We've come to the realization that his biodad was just that, a chemical-biological link and nothing more. The man who raised him was someone who wanted to be a father and wanted him with all of his heart. He in turn acted as such a great man by spoiling the daylights out of the hubby. Some things are really better when left to find their own way.