My bf just informed me that a past interest (who is now married) has been emailing him. He told me that he hasn't responded to any of the emails and he just wanted me to know about it. I want him to tell her to stop but I don't want to sound controlling.
by 
KayDee
ANSWERS: 6
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Just ask him to reply to one of the emails and ask her to stop emailing him. I don't think he will get upset or even care, if he would then he would have never told you about it anyway. I think that was kind of him.
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tell him to tell her to stop...but not in a controlling manner...[i know... thanks good advice..but hold on...im getting there] some how bring up the topic..such as joking around going "aww you're so cute...how could you not be a homewrecker..." and of course say "im just kidding"..that way the topic is brought back up lightly...and then casually go "seriously though you should probably tell her to stop emailing you because she's married and you don't to be a part of any drama between her and her husband..." the other women is probably having issues and is vulnerable and wants immediate attention from a guy..so she probably is looking to her ex.
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If he hasn't emailed her back, I don't see what the problem is. Even if he had, I wouldn't see what the problem is. She's probably just trying to stay friends, as many people do with their exes. I'm still in touch with my first love, and my husband is with his. We're secure enough in our marriage to know this isn't a threat - we're just interested in what they're doing, as we would be with anyone we'd cared about.
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Well you didnt mention whether or not the emails were innocent. I know first hand that sometimes you just have to choke back jealousy if the logical part of your brain is telling you you have nothing to worry about. But on the other hand, if you DO have something to worry about with her, the issue comes up - do you have anything to worry about with HIM? If he really hasnt responded and came to you first, then it sounds like you dont, so you really dont have to worry period. Do you trust him completely? Ask yourself this. If you do, then it doesnt matter what she emails him, although it's understandable for you to be upset with her. As long as he doesnt respond and you know there's zero chance that he has feelings for her and could be lured away, then you have nothing to worry about.
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It's great that he told you about it and it's also a good thing that you don't want to come on too strong in your reaction to it. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't do anything - you are a stakeholder in this issue; others before you have been blind-sided by an ex coming back into their lives. The important thing as I see it is for you and your boyfriend to be in agreement about what to do about it. He is being cautious and not responding to her and that's a wise thing to do in the short term. However, it might make her escalate her contact frequency; then he really does have to tell her to back off. Make it a suggestion and not an order that you want him to tell her in no uncertain terms that she is wasting her time. You have strong feelings about this and who can blame you; but he has to be the one to take the initiative. Present a united front and keep taking out the issue until you are sure that she has got the message.
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I think that you have every right to tell him how you feel. Being controlling and voicing your opinion are two completely different things. Don't ever feel like you can't voice your opinion. That's a hard cycle to break once you start. Let's say for the sake of argument that this e-mail contact (on her part) is innocent. Then that is when you have to raise the question, "What's the point?" I don't really see any point in their continued contact. For one, she is married. Secondly, she is his ex-girlfriend. Which means there was some point of attachment and feelings previously. I say, why put yourself in the face of temptation? You can get yourself into some sticky situations if you don't set up any boundaries. Things are innocent now, but if they continue their contact, what may develop? E-mailing him just to see how he's been over the years (and to update him on her marriage) is one thing. However, consistant correspondence is something else entirely. If the situation was reveresed, I'm sure he'd want you to do the same thing you're asking him to do.
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