wow...aren't you in a situation... well...let's look at it like this... your family (kids and husband) you love them dearly and well they're a part of you...but are you willing to give that all up? your life long friend, he loves you, would marry you in a heart beat....and most people don't come across that kind of love in a lifetime....but is it really that type of love and are you willing to risk it all for it even if its not that type of love? its time to be real with yourself...which one can you really give up...because you most certainly can't have both...unless you're really really lucky. i think you should allow some time to see how things are between you and your husband and see if things turn to where you become more in love with him....and your friend well...if he loves you for real he should understand that your life has commitments tied to it ... you no longer can just think about yourself y'know...don't do anything impulsive because you may end up risking it all for nothing...and yes it could be risking it all for something greater but there's other's lives and feelings involved thus you should give yourself some more time to assess the situation and act on them wisely because sometimes real feelings are just feelings..feelings that are capable of fading.

ohmagato is very right here. One thing to add, what about telling your husband about your fading feelings for him and your growing feelings for friend and see if he wants to work on the marrage or let you explore your feelings? It's a lie to live as though you don't have those feelings for friend, and husband would be more hurt if you felt this way and didn't tell him the truth than just to know you had the feelings. From my own experience, lying and deception is more painful than the actual cheating or truth of your feelings. The truth is never as bad as hiding or avoiding it and how could your marage possibly be close with your husband with this on your mind? Of course, things aren't great- you're not being honest with him. Don't underestimate your hubby, he may not flip out and decide to let you explore your feelings hoping you'll come back to him. Or perhaps the truth can bring you closer. Or, maybe he feels this way about someone else too. You never know. Either way, honesty is the best policy.

It is the once in a life time and i can have it, but i just try to move on and continue the life i have but the feelings don't fade they get stronger. I ache right from the pit of my stomache. He also told me this comes once in a lifetime. I have loved before but this is so real it's disrupting my everyday life because i am not with him. Bridges of madison county is me. I'm stuck. If i leave i miss my husband, disrupt the kids life and start all over for something new. If i don't leave i cry my eyes out and be sad and thinking about him and what if the rest of my life. I need help. I don't know what to do. I have repeated all the questions in my head a million times and still can't figure this out. I wonder if being totally by myself would be better.

I found this looking for the same answers. Someone I loved 18 years ago has now meeting with me (nothing happening yet). We were in love then but life messed it up. No breakup or fight resulted in it not continuing, just life I guess. Well for 18 years I never stopped loving this person and in fact was the only true love for me that I have ever had. I got married 12 years ago, she did too. I have loved my wife but never 'in love' since I was still and always would be in love with this person. Now I do not know what to do - as you are having trouble figuring out what to do, so am I. Finally enjoy real true love or just exist and remember what it was like back then, possibly resenting my wife (though it is not her fault) because I have lost out on these feelings. Not sure who said they fade, I wish they had but they just got stronger.

Sounds like something I saw on Dr. Phil. You made a choice to marry your hubby. You love him. Stick with it.

Oh my goodnes, I can't wait for a good christian to get hold of this one. In the meantime: are you selfish enough to possibly ruin your relationship with your children?

your best bet in this is to tell your hubby right away how you feel for said friend , but you also must point out thatyou love him (you hubby too) honesty is your best bet here , and who knows , maybe you could end up with both of them . again tell your hubby and see what he says.

Deal with it woman, you don't want to mess up what you have so, be satisfied with it. Don't go screwing it up over an urge. I don't know if it's sexual or mental support you want be either way your husband can deal with both if you tell him

you made a commitment, live up to it. if this friend was a life-long friend, you knew him before the hubby. which means that you chose the hubby over the friend for some reason. remind yourself of that reason and stick with it.

I am in the same situation and search for answer all the time. I have been friends with this man for fifteen years. I found out I was pregnant at sixteen and was too scared to tell him. When our child was six he found out. We have always been in love and nothing has stopped that. We are both married now but neither of us ever felt the way we do about each with anyone else. I got married because I was running away from him. It was scary to love someone so much; he got married for the same reason. For those of you who say to stick with your vows, is that really fair to your spouse? Your spouse deserves to have his love returned. Additionally I have two children and work in family law (divorce and child custody). I can tell you that while children are initially upset, it is a much better situation for children to learn of a divorce and see happy, loving parents because children will see your relationship and may end up in the same positions because that is what they are taught. Of course people will get hurt but sometimes true happiness is worth that. All that said I haven’t left you because I am trying to find myself before I make another commitment and/or decision that does affect those around me.

It sounds like you are asking for "permission" to leave your husband.Good luck.

Feelings for old friends never really fade. This doesn't mean you should go with your heart. Obviously, you loved someone else enough to marry them, and had children. Think about this... If the other were NOT in your life, would you be feeling this anxiety? If he's not married, he may feel this way because if he can "have you", a married woman, he doesn't have the responsibility of being married, having kids, and all that those entail. If reality happens, and you leave, and what I just stated was true, then neither of you will be truely happy. You have a husband... You have children... Apparently you've been married a few years (four kids). You are probably in that "seven year itch" cycle, and things at home, while loving, are more routine than you'd like. The other gives you the fantasy of escaping the drudgery of real life. Fantasies have a way of screwing up real-life when we act on them. (Broke up,m got back together, then lost my first girlfriend because of this.) Think seriously about this. Talk to a couselor - a therapist, your minister, etc. I'm sure they will have many more insights. DO NOT ACT on the fantasy until you absolutely KNOW, both with heart and mind, what you truely want, and you are prepared to accept all the consequences of your actions. Good Luck. ;-)

I am in a similar situation. it's about my first love (I was his first love too - I was 16, he was 18 and we stayed together for 4 yrs). life separated us, we loved each other more than anything... I married someone else when I was 21 (I went through crisis with my parents getting a nasty divorce, falling behind my studies, financial difficulties, etc) and my husband was madly in love with me, my first love was gone and I decided to enter a new life and 'try to be happy.' now I've been married for 5 yrs, things were complicated in the begining and still are. I am his third marriage, he has 3 kids from last marriage - let's say I never felt secure enough to have a kid with my hubby - although I love him dearly. he is also the type that is not in to talking and expressing, fails to be honest at times and lies occasionally which made me lose respect for him over time.. everyone else thinks I married a saint cuz of the great image he has - well he is a good person but not that good. to make the story short, 5 month ago my first love and I got in contact by accident, he is divorcing (has been separated for more than a year)and 5 month a go he was so miserable that it broke my heart. I thought I can be a friend and help him gain his strength to 'live again' and not to forget to mention my hubby has 'friends' which I had/have no choice to accept. I dont think he cheats on me but he is kind of too friendly. so in my mind if I wish to have a friend, specially someone I loved so much once, was justified. I even told my hubby about my communication with my first boyfriend and he only nodded - I guess bcuz he knows he can trust me. I met my first love last month for a few days(these 5 month he we were in 2 different continents - and we are again) after seeing each other we both felt that we r still in love! it was/is so unbelievable... after 7 years of not even hearing about each other... I am still in shock. he wants to marry me if I become single.. I dont know what to do. I dont want to hurt my husband, I care for him, meantime I am in love with someone else... all I think of 24 hrs a day, while I do everything else, is my first love. I am suffering.. and my first love & I stopped talking to each other as neither of us can live with an affair. nothing in my life is the same. I cant enjoy anything anymore and worried if am falling in to a serious depression. I need help and cant tell any of my friends or family what am going through. I have no one who would understand my pain.

If your looking for permission to cheat or leave your spouse you won't find it from me. God brought you together and through all these years you have 4 wonderful children together. you'd better not screw that up because once you do, you'll realize what you really had. marriage is for life. it's a holy bond. if this really was a lifelong friend, you knew him before your husband and chose your husband anyway. deal with your decision. it sounds like maybe your having problems with your hubby and would rather take the easy way out. don't. your life will never be the same.

All I can do for you is empathise with your pain. I'm sorry you're hurting.

There is no help for you. You're gonna ache until you get the Life-long friend out of your life. No more friends, that ended when you decided you loved your husband AND you loved your friend. Unfortunately for you, women tend to be more "lateral" and can love more than one man at a time. I can't stress this enough, IF YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND, STAY WITH HIM! END THIS THING WITH THE OLD FRIEND, before something happens you can't reverse. Please take it from someone with experience.

nermina, I understand your pain. I'm in the same position. almost exactly in fact. I have been married for 5 years and recently was told by my wife that she never was all that attracted to me (though i am a mildly attractive person, it just never clicked i guess and she married me anyway). She loves me, but the lack of attraction for her leads to all kinds of problems such as no affection. Anyway, I stumbled upon my first crush from 8th grade online and eventually we met up. talked on the phone, emailed, fell in love. I can honestly say that I've never felt this way before. My wife caught me chatting with her and i admitted to having feelings for her and that was enough to make my wife want to change, but how can she force herself to be attracted to me? she can't. meanwhile my old crush/new love is also married and neither of us know what we are going to do. It is killing me to sneak around (havent slept with her, only kissed, but that doesnt matter considering my feelings. i am IN LOVE with her). I want to tell my wife - i know she deserves that, but I think that, even though my love with my first crush is so strong, i still need to take time to be SURE i know what i'm doing. Once you tell your spouse you love someone else more, there isn't any going back. Know what you are doing and then take the plunge. You can always take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your situation. I wish you luck. oh, and as for the bible-beaters out there with their silly lectures: Marriage is a human invention. Humans aren't perfect. People make mistakes in everything in life - and this includes marriage. Sure, it is nice to be able to live a lifetime with one person, but no one should throw their lives away and be miserable. Don't let their holier-than-thou crap get you down. You need to do what you need to do to be happy.