ANSWERS: 63
  • when i asked my daughter why she had a long sleeve shirt on in the summer her reply was " I have my long sleeve pants on dont I?"
  • My daughter and I were shopping for a computer and she asked for a Exspensive model. I told her "Mummy would have to work for a month to be able to afford that" She just smile and said "It's OK Mummy, I can wait a month"
  • i have been told many times that i said the following when i was little: ' my gran used to get me an ice cream twice a year as a treat. i asked as we went into the corner shop if i could have one on that particular day. my gran said no, and to wait until the summer hols. i said ok, then was ponderously silent until we got out the shop then i siad: "grandma, you won't die before the summer holidays will you?" ' cracks my gran up every time, less so now though, as she is in hospital.
  • My friend's brother asked me take him to a nearby star..LOL
  • One day I was out with my little niece, my sister and my mum. My niece said to my mum, "Granny, why is your face all wrinkled?" To which my mum replied "Maybe it's because I spent to long in the bath." "That's funny" said my niece, "My dad says it's because you're a fu@king old mare." . Kids today eh?
  • My mates 6 year old daughter told me she didn't think mum and dad liked the babysitter. When i asked her why she said " Well every time she comes round they go out ! " PRICELESS !!
  • well i didnt hear it, but my exroommate told me when he was a kid, he was with his granny and they got caught in the rain. he looked at her and said "your eyebrows melted!" apparently, she wore a lot of makeup and drew on her eyebrows, lol!
  • We were in the bank and it was 6:00pm so the security guard locked the door so no more people would come in. There were 3 people in front of me including this lady and her 6 or so year old boy. He kept running around saying "I want to go to McDonald's, I want to go to McDonald's!" She told him that she had to get money first so that they could go. He kept it up "I want to go to McDonald's, I want to go to McDonald's!" and she finally got sick of it and swatted him on the behind. He crossed his arms and huffed and puffed and thought about it for a moment and then said in a very mean LOUD voice "Mama, if you don't take me to McDonald's RIGHT NOW, I'm gonna tell Gramma that you had Daddy's thing in your mouth!!!" Having kids myself I tried not to laugh just imagining this poor ladies embarrassment. The lady grabbed the kid and tried to run out of the bank but the doors were locked the security guard was running to unlock the door having heard the conversation, The lady looked like she wanted the floor to open up and swallow her right there. But it was the funniest thing I have ever seen!
  • Dad, do you want some ice kweem?
  • I was changing my son's diaper when he was like 1 and a half, and he said, "Put cinanin on it. Put cinanin on it." (cinnamon)And I doubled over laughing and was like, "What?" Then he said, "No, no, that would be ah-sgusting."
  • My son told my father, "Mommy's not fat, she just looks fat." lol
  • My little brother (about 4 years old at the time) telling me that if i didn't give him his teddy back, he'd take my head off and bake it in the oven.
  • My son will hate me for this later, but he wasn't feeling well...the flu...and I heard him go into the bathroom and not come out for a while. I went to check on him and in his most pathetic voice he said, "mommy, my butt threw up" He also calls flatulence "burping my bottom" so I guess it all goes together. :)
  • My son was so sweet when he was little, he hated to see other kids cry so he would try to comfort them. I think he was about 2 & my lil cousin was leaving & started crying because she wanted to stay & play with him & her parent kept telling her to come on & she balled that much more & with the cutest lil look of proper on his face my son looks up & holds his lil pointing finger in the air & says 'don't cry if you want to' he meant I know you wanna stay but don't cry so he kinda broke it down like that. He was so precious & still is.
  • To the teacher: "Mrs. Wallace, my mama and daddy's bed fell down again last night."
  • My girlfriend Kiley and I we're watching her two year old nephew and he runs to the end of the sidewalk and says "Ki Tee come ear" It absolutely cracked my s**t up.
  • My 3 yr olds favorite movie is now Austin Powers. She runs around all day reciting the line "I did it again, baby!"
  • When my daughter was real little she couldnt say fork and knife correctly. And in a restruant she kept yelling "I want my fork and knife" and in the way she prounced it it sounded like "I want my fuckin knife".
  • my lil cousin: our father, who art in heaven, how'd you get that name?
  • After working with kids (and the majority of them psych patients) I've heard a great deal of funny things, some more appropriate than others. A child who couldn't get out the word Vanilla..it became Va-Banilla A child who would get angry and call everyone 'somes of b*tches A 6 year old girl walked over to one of the treatment directors and grabbed her breasts, proclaiming "I WANT THESE!!" An epidural is now pronounced 'uppa-dora" The umbilical cord is called "the contestines" When I asked a 6 year-old what he was listening to on the radio, he proudly proclaimed "Rock and Roll B*tches" And the list goes on...never a dull moment with children :)
  • "It's OK, you can tell me. I'm one of those kids who know things."
  • "Whoa! Those are some BIG diapers!!" Said by my little one as we walked past the incontinence section in Wal-Mart. An elderly woman immediately stepped forward, saying "excuse me please" as she picked a package for her cart. Hilarious!
  • my 4 year old nephew is a trip. a few weeks ago he was fighting with his older brother and got so riled up he called him a "loser pants on fire..... head" (yes, with the pause) and when he was mad a my sis once (his mom) he yelled at her "YOUR HURTING MY LIFE" i adore that boy
  • When my ex wife and I were first engaged we were at her sister's house one night and my ex wife's niece who was 4 at the time was getting ready for bed. She called me over and told me she had a secret to tell me then proceeded to tell me with a straight face Uncle Louis I was born in the cemetery. Needless to say it took all my strength to not bust out laughing rigth there and then.
  • My daughter was about 5 yrs old me and my wife and my sister was talking and on top of the TV there was some fake vampire teeth me and my sister where joking around saying that the teeth were are mom teeth my daughter over heard us say that when are mom got home my daughter came in and said here gramma here are your teeth you forget to put them on
  • my friends daughter was eating ice cream and i asked her how it was. She looked at me and in all seriousness said "it's leeeeeedicious" (delicious)
  • At the time it wasn't funny but, now it is. When, my seven year old first started preschool he came home and told me he recieved a whipping. Naturally, I was furious and called the school which, assurred me they don't whip without permission. He came home the next day and said the same thing so, the following morning I went to meet the whipping teacher. I had spent almost all day there when, I got called away I leaned down and gave my son a kiss on the check and that's when he said see you just whipped me too.
  • My coworker's daughter asked "Did you buy your tickets yet?" we asked her for what. She flexed her arms and kissed her muscles and said "...to the gun show" lol it was just cute
  • in church, christmas Eve midnight mass, priest asks for us to remember all those less fortunateor something, total silence, then my sons voice ring out loud and clear "so where's god then?" h was 3, needless to say we left after everyone stopped laughing!
  • My daughter is 5,we were in the doctors surgery the other month and a lady was sitting opportsite with a baby she just took out of a pram. My daughter said "Did that baby come out of her tummy"? I said "yes" My daughter said "Oh i thought it came out of that pram" A classic lol everyone laughed
  • "Why does daddy hurt mom at night"? My cousin Jess, age 6, Christmas family party asked older cousin who's name I can't remember (toooo much family!) in a very loud voice.
  • My aunt tells this story about when my cousin was being potty trained: She had to take him out to the bathroom during a concert in a huge concert hall. They returned just as a wonderful musical number was ending. In the split second between the end of the music and the rapturous applause, my cousin yelled, "I peed!" Then looked around with wide-eyes at the hundreds of people all cheering for him.
  • my niece said she wants to go to the "oh shit" which was the "Ocean" and then when she was calling the kitty is was, ."here titty, titty." kinda funny
  • I was round a friends once and their six year old boy confided in me that he didn't thnk Mummy and Daddy liked Sarah ( the babysitter ). When I enquired why he replied " Well everytime she comes round they go out !! " I was in tears.
  • In a grocery store a few years ago, an adorable little girl with a mom and dad. The little girl rather loudly proclaimed "mommy, daddy called that lady a bitch - that's a bad word, right?" The 'bitch' was standing behind the counter of the deli department. I grabbed a loaf of bread and sped my cart to the next aisle.
  • My daughter was rhyming the word duck in a restaurant in front of her grandmother: Auck Buck Cuck Duck Euck F...
  • i @#%$ on the first date (it was on some kids shirt) id hit that..... (dont ask i was at a McDonalds)
  • My cousin went noooo noooooo nooooooooo noooooooo we were like why.. he went Momma smells..
  • A 10 year old girl told my sister that she asked a boy to put his pencil inside her sharpener. don't know where she learned that joke.
  • My 6 year old niece once asked me where was I born, I said in a hospital then she replied, me too but I didnt see you there :)
  • I was on a plane. And the little baby was sitting across from this reely fat lady. And he said really loudly to his mum. Wow look at that fat lady. She looks like antie Nicole LOL
  • When my daughter was about 2 she called cows cowboys and you can imagine what cow dirt was!
  • DAH!...DAH!.......DAH!...............DAH! Okay not that funny for you. But he was poking his head in and out from behind a sofa. he's only 1. We were nearly crying with laughter!
  • When my neice was little she could only drink soy milk because she was "black toast tolerant". Made me laugh every time she said it.
  • The crack in my butt hurt
  • um, okay as a parent for the last nearly 16 years, i have a lot of the funniest things ive ever heard, but the one that first came to mind is....my husband and i jokingly tell each other, "the finger" rather than flipping each other off. When my youngest daughter picked up on this she asked what do we mean, and without showing her or saying the entire f word i explained it to her. The horror that was in her eyes as to y mommy and daddy would say that 2 each other was well...but a few days later she walked in on her 2 older sisters playing with her doll that they had acciddntally ripped a hole in and she hollered, "WHAT THE FINGER!!!"
  • My son gives himself a milk mustache and says "look at my mushbrow!"
  • well I have two stories, The first is my friends son learned at the age of two that his nose is also called his "boner" thanks to his uncle.one day while shopping at wal-mart the two year old boy bumped his nose one the cart and proceded to yell "ouch I broke my boner!" over and over. Talk about funny looks. The second story is of my friends 3 year old. she was caught coloring on her wall... again. and her mother asked her "where did you get those crayons?" and she replied, no joke "I stashed them b*tches so you wouldn't find them." So there are my two funniest things ive ever heard a child say. and the naughtiest.
  • my son graduated from kindergarten and he told us "I gradiated..yes I said gradiated...from school..I never have to go back again. we laughed and said "oh. if you only knew".
  • I heard a 3 year old say to her dad as he was yelling at her about she and her little sister making a mess, "Settle down, you don't have to beat our ass's." The funny part is that her dad has NEVER even thought about spanking...only yelling.
  • i was heard someone ask a child "what do you want to be when you grow up"and the child said "bigger"
  • You must know that when I am pregnant, I do not glow. I do not beam. I do not effervesce. I puke and gain weight. So when my then 4 year old was telling neighbors of the pending arrival of her sister, she yelled, "Mom's permanent!!" The joke being that I always feel as though it will NEVER END.
  • When I was in fifth grade we were reading out of our science books. This one kid on my glass replaces organism with orgasm, a lot. Another more amusing one came from my then three-year-old sister. We were watching the girls next door in the living room when she came in, saw what was on, and overheard me calling them cheap whores. The next day as I took her to school she said to her teacher, "When I grow up I'm going to be a cheap whore." I still get dirty looks.
  • When I was a little girl, my uncle, who was a teenager, rung a chicken's neck while I stood and watched. When the chicken's body went flying through the air and landed on the ground, the headless chicken took off running and flapping its wings. My uncle said, "Would you look at that chicken? He got away! He was so scared, he forgot to take his head with him." Needless to say, I didn't eat chicken for a while after that.
  • my two yr old son came running out of his room one morning screaming "my tail is broken" he had a little boner!
  • My daughter yelled in the mall once, "You got hair where you pee!" Yes, just to be a butt she did it, and my hand wasnt fast enough to cap it off... niether did the echo help : (
  • Same 3 year old as I mentioned earlier: Her dad made her oatmeal and she had to do the stirring, spilled it, he flipped out and I said, "It's OOKKK, it's just a little oatmeal, no big deal" Later in the day, she and her 1yr old sister were fighting over a bag of cookies..they ended up all over the floor and I said,"Now look what you've done!" She says, "It's OOOKKK, it's JUST cookies, no big deal" SHE HEARS EVERYTHING!!!
  • I had two girls 6 and 4 argue if it is lie-berry or lie-brary The proper way to say library
  • After being sent to her room for being bad, 4yr old, packed a bag of toys came down stairs and announced she is running away, mom asked where do you think you are going, child reply's you'll know where I'm going when you drop me off. LOL
  • My Aunt and I were talking one day about my uncle and some stupid thing that he had done. We were chatting away, not even realizing that my 4 year old cousin was listening to the whole conversation. All of a sudden she piped up from the back seat "Don't worry Mommy, He's just a man!". It was hilarious.
  • A small child sitting at a table with his Biker dad and biker chick mom. After repeatedly asking for some peas he could not reach from his highchair he looked at his mom and said. "Peas Bitch"
  • Same 3 year old. She strikes again. I have a small little mole close to my ear(hair covers it)She was combing my hair(owww)and she asked what that little bump was..I told her it was a mole....and she said, "you mean a mole bit you?" : )
  • My wee 3 year old cuz was wanting to put on make up just before her bed time, but her mum said 'No you can't charlottle, it's almost bed time and you'll get it on your pillow' Wee charlotte rolled her eyes and looked at her mum and said (In a smart arse voice) 'Urgh, mum, i'm not going to sleep on my face!!) It cracked me up man! I have another one that might cause me hassle if i post it but i find it funny all the same so here i go, My uncle's 4 year old step daughter (very adorable innocent looking wee lass) was down in england seeing her dad (she lived in scotland with her mum) They were at a sports event of some kind and there was 2 people that kept speaking behind her, she turned around and just went 'F**king English!' gave them an evil look and turned back around and smiled to her dad. (keep in mind the humour of that one it's not meant to be vicious in anyway!)

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