Because you feel shame and guilt. If you feel that it was abuse, then it was abuse. Bottom line.

Girlfriend, my lunch break is over so I have to make this short. Forget him. The answer is yes, he abused you. Will he behave himself better with his new girlfriend, I doubt it but I hope so for her sake. Put up a personal ad, go and join a group with www.meetup.com and find some decent men who won't make you doubt your self-worth. I know it's hard but don't agonize over this man. Be grateful that you got out of the relationship alive. He sounded like a true sociopath. Later, sweetie.

It is hard to believe that someone can treat you badly unless you have deserved it. Bottomline- if you were to see someone else in this same situation, you would call it abuse and you would tell that person that self esteem is important.

That's what emotional abuse does, it gets inside your head. But trust me, those doubts are never true, and those thoughts are not your friend. It can be difficult to believe that someone could mistreat you so badly without it being something you did to force their hand, but the fact is, it's never the fault of the victim, no matter how much the abuser may want you to think that. The sad truth is, he most likely will be the same way in all subsequent relationships until he gets help for his own issues. But those issues are his, and when you left the person you insured that those issues will be his alone.

G'day Aries213, Thank you for your question. It is probably due to your ex constantly nagging you. I would look at the possibility of counselling to help you to recover. I would also suggest trying to get support from friends and family. Hopefully, he will be different with his current g/f but it wouldn't surprise me if he isn't. You have my deepest sympathy. Regards

You think this way because that is all you've heard over and over from this guy. Get out and get counselling. You will be amazed at the type of great, strong person you really are.

IT WAS REALLY ABUSE. Did you grow up in a similar home? If you did, that is why you think this way. Please find an Al-Anon group in your community and go to the very next meeting where people are recovering from the same kind of abuse and type of thinking. And, leave him right away. Tell him that if he will see an anger counselor the very next week and get counseling at least 2 times per week for 3-5 months, that you will consider returning---if you KNOW that you still love him. If doubful about love, don't return or it WILL begin again. Don't wonder or try to explain or excuse his behaviour including any verbal or mental abuse. Just take care of you. If you have children, divorce him if you are at all feel that the love for him has died. It was like sitting in a giant ice block in a shadowy room. I was freezing-cold and dark fear surrounded me and filled my body and soul. I can still hear my little brother crying and begging, “Daddy, please don’t shoot Mama. Please don’t.” His words spoke my thoughts and the tears in his eyes mirrored mine that Sunday afternoon. He squeezed my hand and both of us were trembling. The shotgun that our father pointed at our mother’s head was like a giant canon. We were prisoners of war that day, 52 years ago. Daddy, 34, was a good and loving man when he was sober. He was a weekend binge-drinking alcoholic who always stayed out until his favorite bar closed every Friday and Saturday night. He didn’t store his whiskey or beer in the house but we knew that he kept a bottle hidden somewhere in the garage, garden shed, or a similar hideaway. When we arrived home from attending church that day, he was drunk---not happy-drunk, but mean-drunk. Mother, 32, always prepared part of the Sunday dinner before we left for church. Consequently, it didn’t take very long to serve it. She asked me to help with the task, I believe, more because she didn’t want to be alone with Daddy than because she needed my help. My sister and brothers disappeared somewhere until called in for dinner. Everybody wanted to avoid being near the “drunk.” A study by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse found that “Children of substance-abusing parents are almost three times more likely to be abused and more than four times more likely to be neglected than children of parents who are not substance abusers.” Add to that the fact that children of alcoholics, especially the oldest child, often become adults who are substance abusers. And, they often replicate their parent’s domestic violence. The horrific scene of that Sunday afternoon is still etched in my memory and stamped on my heart. Four prisoners-of-war, ages 9 to 14, we were sitting on the couch in our living room watching our father and our mother, the fifth POW, sitting in chairs facing us while he held the barrel of a loaded shotgun aimed at her face. Every day, children are held hostage, terrified and abused in their homes. The abuse is physical, psychological, emotional, and verbal; just as it was in our home. When parents terrorize their children, the severe emotional child abuse is traumatic and invisible. A report by the Florida Center for Parent Involvement says, “Although emotional abuse can hurt as much as physical abuse, it can be harder to identify because the marks are left on the inside instead of the outside.” Can be read at www.selfgrowth.com by typing in Fear Imprisons the Hearts of Children (I wrote it and give permission for the above section of it to be used on this question and site.) The first year of marriage my husband hit me one afternoon and I demanded strongly that 'ever again' and I will leave you. I had learned that week that I was pregnant. The 13th year of our marriage, he hit and almost strangled me to death twice in one month just after arriving home from 'counseling' with our paster after we had had a dozen appointments together. Two of our children heard all from their room downstairs and also they talked about it. (I learned that after the divorce.) The emotional damage to them was hurtful and unforgetable. I left the next day with our 4 year old and the divorce and sale of our home (a true loss for older children) and moved to the next town. He had every other weekend visitation and every return of the children ended with an argument. Fear of his sudden anger or being killed as several area women and children had been killed, I moved two states away, " back home" then great job, moving to job, staying two years until the 1% tax initiative was voted on and I was the highest level that the City of Davis, California had to terminate so I returned to Idaho. The anger never happened again. In fact the second year back, I invited him in for Christmas dinner with all the family when oldest child was 15. Those two children were always affected by the fear and the divorce but the fear of pain never left them, even with a lot of counseling later. It happened two evening but had traumatized the them My youngest daughter, has often told me, "Mom, thanks for raising me as a single mom. I'm glad I wasn't mixed up like my brother and sister. Besides, you taught me to how to be the good mom I am today. And thank you because I now understand how much you love me then and now---because I love my precious daughter, 3 months old. (and that love and wonderful mothering has continued.) Read my article about this at writing.com under best4writing) Truly, it was in the best interest of my children that I divorce for their sake instead of staying with a sudden hot-temptered husband. Same will be true for your children

Low self-esteem can make you doubt if it's abuse or not and low self-esteem can help you get invovled with an abuser too...

Sounds like you have a low self esteem...probably from the beatings!

You think that way because you have been the victim of abuse and you obviously have a loving and caring nature. I hope you find a real man when you form your next relationship.

It is abouse & you are thinking that way because it's called "Battered Woman's Syndrome". NO ONE deserves to be abused. NO ONE!!! He is the one with the problem. If he can't handle life or a relationship without putting his hands on someone, then he has some major issues that definately need to be addressed. Him blaming you is part of HIS illness. Misery loves company. Hang in there & remember that you are not alone. You are in the right place & STOP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR HIS SORRY ASS!!! There's nothing wrong with you.