I tell them anyways. This way there is no confusion between us and they know I am not an impartial party.

If you are that person is married then keep it to yourself. Any other reasons, provided it's not something like they are in prison, you could tell them, I think.

Depends on the situation - If you feel it's healthy and your not expecting a reaction go ahead

Before you act you have to consider what you are trying to accomplish by saying something at all. By you saying that they "can never be with you" I am going to assume the person is in a permanent relationship with someone else. There would be two reasons for saying something. #1 - You want to be with this person and you hope by saying something that they will change their mind and be with you instead. If this is the case you are forcing an ultimatum on someone who is happy where they are already. This would be a mistake. If you love someone you should value their happiness over your own even though it may cost you everything you want. That's real love, the painful true kind. #2 The other reason you feel the need to say something is to set your mind at ease. Maybe you have been living with this secret and to keep it in is understandably painful. Telling the other person would be like a release. If this is the case you have the choice of sitting down with this person and having a difficult conversation. This approach is not 100% safe either. Be prepared for the other person to be uncomfortable, embarrassed, or in some cases angry to hear your confession. If that is a risk your willing to take it may be worth getting the weight off your chest. Love is never easy no matter what the story books say. Good luck.

It's an interesting question. I tend to come down on the side of "toning down" expressions in such a case. There's usually more than one dimension to these relationships: appreciation for who the other person is, a possible need for the other person's approval, perhaps sexual attraction. It can get complicated. I think "restraint" doesn't get enough press in our culture. By restraint, I don't mean total suppression or "turning off the tap", I mean letting the dogs run a LITTLE bit, but not letting them run wild. There's lots of things that we want in life which are harmless, even necessary -- in modest doses. The same thing in excess can become a big problem. Restraint is sort of a one-word strategy for suggesting an approach to these kinds of problems: yes, we let the children play, but we restrain them when they try to run out in the street. Yes, we allow ourselves to watch some mindless TV, but restrain the urge to blow the whole weekend on Munsters re-runs. In the same way, it's quite normal for people to feel affection, appreciation, or attraction for others who are not their mate. To suppress all of that produces a very strange sort of "prison", which is likely to backfire in some way. On the other hand, to simply allow those urges free rein is inviting fidelity disasters. So I generally do allow myself to express appreciation for women I enjoy or find attractive... but in modest doses. If we have a stable friendship and it's clear that nothing untoward is going to happen, I may loosen the restraints a bit. If it seems like there's some "heat" building up, I'll tighten the restraints. Like anything, being aware and working to be honest with oneself is a crucial ingredient to make this work.

Good question. I'm in a similar postion and I'm reading your advice to get some for myself. I have been in love with a guy since I was a teenager. We lost contact, but I never stopped thinking about him. Several years later, I am now engaged to a wonderful man. The other guy and I recently reconnected, and I realized that my feelings are still there. Do I tell him before I walk down that aisle, or do I just live with the feelings.

Life is about risks...we regret more the things we don't do than the things we do. Why can you never be with him or her? Tell him or her how you feel openly and honestly but you have to do so with no expectation of the same feelings being returned to you...and you have to be willing to risk the friendship you have to do so...but it may well be very worth it. Good luck!

Keep the feelings to yourself. Otherwise, it causes more pain.