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by frustratedmom on May 17th, 2005

frustratedmom

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My 19 year old son lives at home, does not pay rent but does help out around the house. He is doing poorly at school, GPA 1.7. What can I do to get my son to do better in school, to make something of his life, to change his direction?

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Answers. 18 helpful answers below.

  • by gavinj1999 on December 31st, 2007

    gavinj1999

    These are the hallmarks of teenage boys, laziness, ambivalence, procrastination, secrecy, smell, rebellion.

    Remember, you are the parent and the boss. Love is great but 19 year old men should be out earning their keep. Laziness is borne through lack of challenge. Set out clear goals and equally clear consequences. Do not give him cash to spend, feed and clothe as normal but stand your ground. If he wants to be self destructive (which most 19 year old boys do) limit the scope of his damage, pull him out of education if he is simply going to throw it away, start a rent book and make sure you collect every week, if it is not paid add it to the next week and keep the pressure on. He will respect you for it in the end (maybe not straight away)

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  • by riffraff814 on May 21st, 2005

    riffraff814

    Tell him he gets to pay rent every month his GPA is below 2.5. And he gets to get a job to pay that rent.

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  • by life saver on July 13th, 2005

    life saver

    Sounds like your son is not a bad kid, just a little too comfortable. You can't make him do well in school. He needs to find what interests him. Skip school for a while and have him find a full time job. Maybe something about the job will spark his interest in another direction. Make sure you set a time table for finding work - like in 60 days, if he won't do that have him move out. Sorry, but you need to teach him to be a man and be independent. He can go back to school at anytime. My brother-in-law didn't go to college until he was 28 and I started at 40. It went very well as we knew exactly what we wanted by then.

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  • by DudeLer 2 on August 23rd, 2009

    DudeLer 2

    encourage him to join the us army, or the us navy. or the us airforce, or the us marines...or the us coastguard.

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  • by mzlady on August 23rd, 2009

    mzlady

    Your son is not interesting in school, probably need to change his major something that he likes to do.

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  • by ciaobellamy on June 8th, 2007

    ciaobellamy

    I feel for you, but in this case you might wanna try some tough love. You must put your foot down and let him know that this is your house that you pay the bills for and if he cannot abide by your rules and straighten up his act, then he must go. Once you tell him that, you create a timeline for improvement, if he doesn't go along with what you say, it will be time to implement the consequences. I speak from experience to a 19 year old also.

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  • by dwin1979 on June 14th, 2006

    dwin1979

    It's hard to answer that question without knowing why he is doing poorly in school. If it is just that he has had a bad year, it may be a good idea to cut him a little slack. If, on the other hand, he simply isn't motivated to do well, it becomes a different game entirely. Before handing him an eviction notice, try talking to him about why he isn't doing well in school and if there is anything that can be done to help improve his grades. If he simply isn't motivated to do well and doesn't want to be in school, then some of these other suggestions will be of use to you.

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  • by john pennington on September 27th, 2009

    john pennington

    At age 19, he is not a child anymore. he is responsible for his own actions.

    He is leaching off his parents, but you already know this.

    My son was in the same situation, after graduating high school. he was running with good kids, but they were going nowhere in life. i gave my son an alternative.....to either get a job and rent his own apartment or get himself enrolled in college.

    He took the second offer. After attending Belmont College and Vanderbilt, he transferred to San Diego State University in California.

    He now has an admirable job in Federal Government.

    Your son needs a boost from you. show him where he is making bad mistakes and attempt to guide him into a decent college. do not wait. the longer the wait, the harder the choice is to make for him and you.

    If all else fails, show him the front door and tell him the world awaits him and goodbye.

    This is tough on parents, but sometimes to have to make tough choices.

    Good luck.

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  • by Anonymous on June 8th, 2007

    Anonymous

    my son is 19 and is doing drugs in my home and has a girlfriend who sleeps over who just 16.We ask him to stop or we would have to kick him out. After being very abusive to us. We moved all his stuff out to the patio. He called the police on us. They told us we had to evict him even if he was paying no rent and he could sue us for what we did!!! So, be careful, we cked it out and our son is right. SAD

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  • by Anonymous on March 28th, 2006

    Anonymous

    Sounds like your son has found his comfort zone and will stay in that zone, until you change the rules. helping around the house is good, but it may only be a coverup to please you and his position. 19 is an adult. time to kick the bird from the nest. its time to give your son some alternatives in his life. whatever you do or say, from this point on, will have to be adhered to like glue, by you. no falling backwards. l. give your son a 30-day eviction notice, in writing. this will open his eyes. 2. place classified ads on his bed and circle available jobs, apartments, or schools in your area. 3. eliminate all forms of entertainment, dvds, games, computer, tv, cellphone, car, etc.. poor grades demand no entertainment. 4. cut off his money supply. only allowing for school lunch money. 19 is too old to be mooching off his mom.

    If your son is going to continue with his lifestyle, its time he continued it somewhere else. he must now be responsible for his actions, as an adult. you might tell your son that you just came back from purchasing a compass at k-mart. that you, are about to change his direction in life and you are about to set the path. do it and stick with it!

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  • by Joyeux on August 8th, 2009

    Joyeux

    Persuade, and keep encourage him to get more involved with his career goals.. show and discuss to him the benefits, and opportunities that comes along with it.. but while your doing that, give him time. Encourage him out of love and support and not hostility and pressure because that will just push him away. Eventually things will soak in as he matures.

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  • by Tightywhitieman on August 7th, 2009

    Tightywhitieman

    Well, my dad would put me over his knee and spank my butt until I was crying and begging for mercy.

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  • by Mud on August 31st, 2009

    Mud

    hes at a tough point right now, your not better off, but throwing him demands now will compound his stress and may lead not to failure but his letting go of success all together, anyjob would do pay you rent, however he needs more to live on his own...alot more. paying rent could be the wrong way. Being a man I know that the right woman at the right time can inspire a guy to feats of amazing potential. so find this girl who has his attention and charge her rent(theoretically speaking of course). problem solved.

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  • by TheGoldenPoo on August 23rd, 2009

    TheGoldenPoo

    At 19 he should have tried enough things to have shown an interest in something that could potentially sustain him financially

    Make a list of his hobbies and interests and try and think of creative ways he can financially benefit

    and don't think college is always the answer, there are many career paths that don't require a large investment in education

    and the key is making it enjoyable, so the list of his hobbies should make it easier

    if all he likes to do is watch tv or play on the computer, there are jobs that involve TV and computers that don't require much education but the options might be limited to your location or how far he is willing to go, but if moving to a new place is appealing to him, you might have your problem answered

    good luck

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  • by judgebill on September 27th, 2009

    judgebill

    Your son knows exactly what he has to do to get straight "A's". If he is getting anything else he is working to get whatever grades he is getting. He is old enough to recognize his life is, and will be exactly what he makes it. So ask him what his goals are. Whatever they are, ask how he thinks you can help him achieve his goals. If you don't agree with his statement of his goals, remember they are his goals, not yours. If you don't agree you don't have to help him...and if you do agree, then give some assistance. But at his age, he can formulate his goals, knows how to achieve them (or at last the direction to go) and is capable of acting. He will act as he really wants to act, not as you might want him to act and not as he says he will act. He is doing exactly what he wants to do. Point this out to him.

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  • by silver on September 27th, 2009

    silver

    some people just have to learn the hard way.

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  • by OilNation on September 15th, 2010

    OilNation

    Kick him out. He'll thank you later.

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  • by AnonymousGirl on September 27th, 2009

    AnonymousGirl

    Well, to me, it sounds like there is something else going on.

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