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by kaceesab__ch on April 6th, 2007

kaceesab__ch

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Help answer this question below.

I will marry my bf of 4 years, but my father is refusing to come to my wedding st because my Fiance is black I want to talk to my dad about it but I have no clue as to what to say, help?!!? He wont be there to walk me down the isle, and it hurts.

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Answers. 10 helpful answers below.

  • by Anonymous on April 6th, 2007

    Anonymous

    Daddy needs to grow up and put your needs ahead of his own.

    you may have to teach him how to respect your choices and boundaries, one painful step at a time. Don't give in to passive aggressive behaviour on the part of family members.

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  • by Mushen on April 6th, 2007

    Mushen

    All you can do is meet with your Dad and ask him (quietly & non-confrontational) if he will be attending your wedding. Be prepared for the answer to be 'no'. If it is then there is not much you can do. He will only change his mind if he wants to. The bottom line is that although him not attending your wedding may be hurtful you are not marrying your Dad, nor do you need his blessing. It is not a requirement but instead is a 'nice to have'. If he says 'no' then you should say something along the lines of 'I'm sorry you feel that way. However, this is the man I love and I will be marrying him. The wedding is on 'whatever date' and should you change your mind then your presence will be appreciated'. Then leave it at that. Don't get into a row over this, there is no point and it will make you feel like crap. When you get married your immediate family will become your husband. Your loyalties must be with your husband with or without your Dad's blessing. You do not need his approval to get married and live happy lives. You are an adult, not a child and you must remember that this is YOUR life, YOUR choice. You must not feel that you have to choose between your husband (or will be soon) and your father. Your father must understand that when you have married, if he gives an the 'me or him' ultimatum (as he is attempting now) then you will NOT be choosing him. This is how the world works. Yes, it hurts but it does not have to contaminate your wedding day and afterwards if you choose not to let it. If you want to know if your Dad is being selfish and trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants you to do, then I'm afraid the answer is 'yes'. Parents are human beings and get things wrong just like the rest of us. Get the chat over as soon as you can and then throw your energy into your wedding and all it entails. Just because he does not attend your wedding, does not mean that you and he will hate each other forever more and never, ever speak again. He may never accept your fiance or future children, it would be NICE if he did, but it is NOT essential. Don't spend months agonising over this, analyzing what has been said over and over again - it will NOT make any difference other than making you feel more miserable. It is, what it is and you have your life ahead of you - you're an adult and can marry whoever you choose, where ever you choose, wearing whatever you choose. ENJOY IT FOR ALL IT IS WORTH.

    Good luck on your wedding day. I wish you well.

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  • by Anonymous on August 2nd, 2007

    Anonymous

    Talk to him - let him know how very important it is to you that he attends...and just for the record I am sorry you are having to deal with this issue at this special time in your life. I hope it all gets sorted and that you and your partner have a lovely day and a wonderful future together.

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  • by DBike on April 6th, 2007

    DBike

    Have you ever seen the movie "Guss Who" with Astchen Cutcher, it is the same exact thing, don't worrie it turns out good :) that should help you out

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  • by KEL0105 on June 30th, 2009

    KEL0105

    My father refused to come to my wedding also. My mom walked me down the aisle. He is the one who will be missing out!

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  • by Crystal on February 26th, 2009

    Crystal

    im going thro the SAME THING!!...Im cuban, and my fiance is haitian.And my father said he is not coming...and my father dosent even want to met him.I went to meet up with my DJ and he asked me wat song will i be dancing with my father..and a millon tears fell from my eyes...i wont have a chance to dance with him..hes not going to walk me down the aisle and give me away...my heart is broken into a million pieces..so believe me i feel your pain =[...I spoke to him yesterday bcuz we havent talked in almost a 2 yrs bcuz of this..my wedding is dec.30..and all we did is fight and all i did was cry..no matter wat i told him he wont come..i hope things work out for you sweetie....best of luck.

    Crystal.
    Email if u would every like to talk more about are crazy life l0l..

    MRSzTROUBLE@yahoo.com

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  • by KoolaidDrinker on April 6th, 2007

    KoolaidDrinker

    talk with your dad for clarity one on one he may have a different reason. however if this is the reason, your father is a bigot at this time in life, after you are married, and if you have chosen a good man that puts you and your children first before himself any reasonable father would be greatful.

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  • by tgwt7yi on August 3rd, 2007

    tgwt7yi

    u'll be ok...i agree with the face to face, non confrontational type of invite...dads trying to push u around for VERY unreasonable n hateful reasons...sounds like he cares more for "winning" than 4 u...yes, it hurts, but u will b ok..get it overwith and put ur energy into ur wedding day!!

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  • by Chaysgirl24 on August 3rd, 2007

    Chaysgirl24

    I know that probably does hurt but are you going to chose not to marry him because of this?! Probably not so I would just have someone else walk you down the aisle! Like maybe a brother, uncle or even a cousin! And I'd say just give him time, let him be stubborn because I bet sooner or later he will snap out of it and then he will regret his behavior! We can't please everyone including our parents all the time! Good luck!

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  • by audiogal on April 6th, 2007

    audiogal

    Try to sit down with your father and explain to him that you have found the man you love and want to marry, and it would mean a lot to both of you if he could be there. There really isn't much you can do to change his mind, but at least put the bal in his court.

    Maybe you can have a brother, cousin, or other male friend or relative walk down the aisle with you.

    Congratulations, and I wish you the best!

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You're reading I will marry my bf of 4 years, but my father is refusing to come to my wedding st because my Fiance is black I want to talk to my dad about it but I have no clue as to what to say, help?!!? He wont be there to walk me down the isle, and it hurts.

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