Slept with a twenty stone monster.

I tried to break dance and damn near broke my hip.

Well this will take a bit.... A friend of mine got drunk at his work christmas function. Insulted the bosses, quit, walked out side and climbed onto the roof of a car in the parking lot. He then jumped from car roof to car roof until he left the parking lot. As he was walking home he saw a police car and ran away from it. The police see him start to run so follow him. He runs into an alley way and jumps a fence with barbed wire on the top of it. Continues to run home, as he gets to his front door he passes out on the doorstep. Waking covered in blood over his pants he realises he must have caught his balls on the barbed wire as he jumped over the fence with barbed wire. Soaked in blood he proceeded to get in his car and drive to the hospital. Police pull him over for a breath test 100m from the hospital, he lost his licence for drink driving. Still covered in blood the police will not let him go to the hospital, not even walk they make him sit on the gutter until an ambulance arrives to take him the 100m to the hospital. About 120 stitches later hisa ball bag is stitched back together. Well what did we learn today kiddies? Dont go to work functions.

I remember my friend running down the street half naked singing "Im Merlin the happy pig".