Kids and few quarrels? Highly unlikely, unless you are the Cleavers (Leave it to beaver). Not so much the amount of "quarrels" but the nature of them is what should decide concern or no concern. What are they fighting about? Ok what are they really fighting about (I think you know the difference there). Kids are kids, and quarrels between bothers/sisters and brothers and sisters (even if step brothers/sisters) is normal for any family with a number of kids. If in doubt then I suggest talking with your doctor (yes the family MD) about the nature of the quarrels, how often they take place and anything else. Then your doctor can decide if you need to take this to a psychologist/therapist and work on issues. I think a doctor (who hears every tale there is to tell) would be able to ask importance questions and get more information that we can here to even know if your quarrel problem is actually a problem or not. Most likely you are well with in the norms of a "happy" family. Perhaps your perceptions or mythologies of what makes a happy family is more along the lines of the Cleavers which is not a healthy "happy" blue-print for "family".

Well, sort of. We are a blended family as they're called these days but I can't say there aren't any quarrels. The children are all grown now but 3 of them still live at home. The things that were difficult for us were the different parenting styles. I was (and still am) much more involved then he was. I had very strict veiws on what was and was not appropriate for children and put my foot down. He didn't see it that way so he didn't enforce rules that were in place. Since I wasn't allowing my children to do it, then his wasn't going to be allowed either. I quite often had to step in and be the bad guy. The times like those were difficult but they worked out in the end. The children get along fine, they laugh and joke and tease one another but have completely separate friends and lives. My children don't even know the people his son hangs out with and they all went to the same school and graduated with the same people. They're just all different people. Now the issue is our granddaughter! My daughter lives here with her daughter while her divorce is finalized and he is TERRIBLE about stepping in and comforting the grandbaby when she's been scolded. It makes my daughter nuts but she doesn't want to say anything to him because she respects him and he's her "dad". It took a lot of hard work and several years to get to this point because when we became a family 12 years ago it was NOT fun and it was NOT easy. Once we FINALLY got the parenting styles nailed down (he finally realized I was NOT going to give up on proper behavior and rules and gave in - ha ha ha) things went much more smoothly.

Forty years ago I didn’t get along with my stepfather. I wrote this about him in 2005. http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20050619 Here’s what needs to be discussed on stepfamilies. LIVING IN STEP-FAMILIES: PRE-MARITAL EXPECTATIONS Before any couple "ties the knot" they should talk about what they expect from each other and from their marriage. When the marriage will create a step-family, this is especially important. People considering marriage often have different ideas of what they expect from each other. Discussing expectations prior to taking that big step will help a couple set realistic goals and make realistic commitments to each other. This guide, designed specifically for prospective step-families, will aid you and your children in discussing ideas and making plans for a satisfying family life. Creating a successful step-family environment can have many rewards for its members, but it requires more than love and good intentions. Flexibility, commitment and realistic expectations will all contribute to a successful step-family. Developing realistic expectations involves understanding and accepting the ways a stepfamily structure differs from that of a first-time family. An understanding of these differences will help create a satisfying marital relationship and family life. A remarriage occurs only after a marriage ends, either through death or divorce, and dreams of marrying and living "happily ever after" have been shattered. Because of this, parents and children often must deal with feelings of sadness, anger, hurt and disillusionment. These feelings must be overcome before children and adults can trust and have faith in new relationships. Also, because the parent-child bond originated before the new couple's relationship, stepparents join a family that already has loyalties, traditions, and roles established. Stepparents sometimes feel like outsiders. Children in step-families have had to cope with the partial or complete loss of a parental relationship. There is a biological parent, in memory or in actuality, who is still important to the child, and who will have an influence on the new step-family. Children remember "how my mom did it when she was alive," or that "Dad always lets me stay up late at his house." Because children may spend time in two different households with different rules and expectations, they need to learn how to make smooth transitions. They may experience loyalty conflicts not realizing you can love two people (e.g., father and stepfather) in the same role. They may need to learn how to deal with the differences in values and lifestyles between the two homes. Another structural difference must be considered before forming a step-family. A newly married couple usually has time to get to know one another gradually and make marital adjustments before adding a child with the accompanying new roles and responsibilities of parenthood. With remarriage, one is a new spouse and a parent or step-parent from the start. Because of this added complexity, it is especially important to discuss expectations and make plans for the transitions involved. Such planning has the potential of reducing stress for the couple and their children. Despite the complexities, (and sometimes because of them), a healthy step-family can provide many rewards and satisfactions for step-family members. For adults, remarriage can provide a new opportunity to develop a satisfying intimate relationship. For children who have witnessed the failure of their biological parents' relationship through divorce or have experienced the pain of a parent's death, witnessing their parent's satisfying remarried relationship can renew their faith in close interpersonal relationships. PRE-MARITAL DISCUSSION QUESTIONS Personal Goals and Expectations Jobs Household Arrangements Financial Matters Children Relationships With Others Communication Sexual Expectations UNDERSTANDING YOUR ANSWERS Personal Goals and Expectations Jobs Household Arrangements Financial Matters Children Relationships With Others Communication Sexual Expectations THE CHILDREN References Currier, Cecile (1982). Learning to Step Together : A Course for Step- family Adults, Step-family Association of America, Inc., 28 Allegheny Ave., Suite 1307, Baltimore, MD 21204 Coleman, M. and Ganong, L. (1987). An evaluation of the step-family self-help literature for children and adolescents. Family Relations, 36 (1), 64-65. Mills, David M . (1984). A mode l for step-family development. Family Relations, 33, 365-372 Visher, Emily & Visher, John (198 2). How to Win as a Step-family, new York: December Books Email me at George_McCasland@yahoo.com to receive the full document.