This is how I was left feeling after my Wife and I went through IVF...
Infertillity (IVF) doctors get to see and 'work on' only 'the cream of the
crop', young, fit, healthy women with a burning desire and desperation to
re-produce, placing the doctor in a 'God like' position! My Wife is an active
Christian with strict morals and even she was prepared to eagerly jump up onto
that reclining bed and spread her legs wide open, under spotlight, right in
front of the face of a strange male doctor, a doctor that we'd never even been
introduced to, she done that without a second thought!? I was horrifed!!!
Afterwards, I blamed her for a start, I kept on repeatedly asking her to explain
to me how she could do such a thing!? Her reply was always "my concern was for
the embryo, I didn't really notice the doctor, he could've been a 'machine' for
all I was to know or even cared." In order to accept her 'take on things' I've
had to see IVF from a woman's perspective (very difficult may I add). My problem
now is, if I hadn't have insisted to be in there with her, she would have
probably allowed the 'God like' infertillity doctor to do anything, as long as
she was fertilized by him there and then?! The power these doctors have over
women is IMMENSE, even though I was present in the theatre, I dare not stop the
procedure (even though I couldn't believe what I was witnessing) through fear of
subsequent divorce proceedings. I felt that somehow I HAD to allow this unknown
strange man to be a 'third party' in our Marrital conception... It somehow felt
like a perverse 'threesome' was being allowed and I had to sit there and accept
it!!!
Now I'm left with a feeling not dissimilar to the feeling following Marital
Infidellity... and there is NO WAY that I can ever take out my frustrations on
her, or the doctor, as both were doing 'acceptable' things within our society
due to the fact that he has the title 'doctor' and my Wife's thoughts were ONLY
of the embryo.
If I hadn't have been in there with her, he could have probably done whatever he
liked (within reason), but my argument is, how could he possibly be any more
intimate with her anyhow? How do you get more intimate than having an
attractive, healthy, young woman gladly open her legs to order, under search-light
intense illumination, then open her right up with a speculum, then push a metal rod
right into the eye of her cervix and right through into her womb and then he sat
there waiting/looking at her for 5 minutes until the embryo was brought through
in a syringe!? What could have he done that was any worse? (other than the
obvious).
He didn't actually do anything other than 'his job', but the mere fact that it
was such an intimate cross-gender procedure sickens me immensely! It felt SO,
SO, SO wrong! I'll never forget it as long as I live, it's one of the WORST
events of my life, even though I've been through some bad stuff!
My view on people/life have been drastically changed by this event. I now have a
DARK memory, that will be with me until my dying breath.
Thank you VERY much Mr Gyno! :(
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