The "MOLLY BROWN," because it would then be "Unsinkable." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margaret_Brown +5

The U.S.S. Cheeseburger, of course

Oh, good Lord, don't get me started on this subject! I spent 20 years as a Submariner in the U.S. Navy. There are some traditions in the naming of ships in the Fleet. However, it seems that over time they've been getting more political and it p*sses me off. For example, submarines had a long tradition of being named after fish. There was a time, early on, where they were classified by letters: "K" class, "O" class and so forth. But after WWI, they started being named after fish (or other aquatic animals). The USS Shark, USS Narshal, USS Devilfish, USS Nautilus, and so forth. Then, with the advent of the ballistic missile submarine, an entirely NEW class of submarine was born: not the hunter-killer type, like the fast attack submarines now-a-days, but submarines which could, literally destroy entire cities, even nations. These were named after statesmen, like the USS George Washington, USS Henry Clay, USS Simon Bolivar, and so forth. And this, too, made sense owing to the power of these submarines and their new strategic role in projecting power abroad. And then came the Ohio class ballistic missile submarines. Named after States, like many of the much larger capitol ships of the fleet used to be, as being representative of the power they had, like the Iowa class battleships used to. This also made sense. Then came the Los Angeles class, or the "City boats". Named after American cities like Los Angeles, Cincinnati, Montpelier, Indianapolis, etc, they marked the departure of the tradition of naming attack submarines after fish. Only one of the LA class subs was NOT named after a city: the USS Hyman G. Rickover, named after the Father of the Nuclear Navy, Admiral Rickover. This is an honor, to be noted as the exception to the rule, and makes one ship stand out in honor of an individual's contribution. Enter the Seawolf class. AT LAST! I was thrilled to be back to a traditional name for a fast boat, and one which speaks volumes for an entire class of submarines (originally intended to be 29 in the class) and their capabilities. SEAWOLF! It SOUNDS mean! And then they had to go and f*ck it all up by naming the next one after a STATE (Connecticut) and the third and last in it's class after a President (Jimmy Carter). F*ck. I could just see it then, after the Jimmy Carter was named: All the bad guys saying: "Oooooooohhhh...They're sending Jimmy Carter out to kick our *ss! I'm sooooooo scared!" (Of course, the irony is that we CAN and DO kick *ss with the Jimmy Carter. But still, WTF?) So they took a class of submarine and made the exception to the rule...just another way of doing business. And therefore the names mean LESS for their lack of being an exception. Then came the Virginia class. Now, a fast attack submarine is a hunter-killer. It's designed primarily to find, track, and destroy other submarines, and surface ships as well. They can, and do, perform a wide variety of other roles as well, and they do it very well. But that's what a fast-attack submarine is. It's a lean, mean, don't-f*ck-with-me, fighting machine. So, why are we naming them after States? WTF? "Hey, guys! The USS Californication...er...'California' is coming over with a load of blonde, big boobed actresses to kick our butts! WOO HOO!" Or "Hey, the USS Hawaii's gonna come over and lai us!" Yeah, that's real scary. NOT! Personally, I'd like to name attack submarines after fearsome ocean denizens again. Even freshwater critters...heck just fish! The USS Orca. The USS Barracuda. The USS Snakehead. The USS Cottonmouth. The USS Tiger Shark. THESE are names worthy of attack submarines! But, the way things are going, maybe I should just go along with the flow and come up with names like the USS Jesus Christ Not Another F*cking State Boat, USS Holy Sh*t Here's Yet Another State Boat, USS D*mmit We Used All The States Now What Do We Do. Maybe we can start paying Disney royalties and name an entirely NEW class of submarines after the USS Goofy. Might as well, they've already messed up a perfectly good tradition.

USS Good Ship Lollypop