Ask a Question
or
Create a Poll
  1. Home /
  2. Questions /
  3. Relationship Advice
  4. / Dating
  5. / Cheating In Relationships
  6. / Admitting To Cheating

by omegaBLaCk on February 26th, 2005

omegaBLaCk

Question

Help answer this question below.

My brother admitted to me that he has been cheating on his wife with a family friend's husband for several months. I'm really torn, should I tell the two women what's going on or stay out of it?

  • Like
  • Report
Share:
Other

Answers. 18 helpful answers below.

  • by EmmDee on June 23rd, 2005

    EmmDee

    There's more than one issue here but I'll answer your basic question first. NO - do not tell the two women about your brother's indescretion. Guaranteed that in the end, you will have four people who might never speak to you again. It's not your problem and you're not qualified to 'fix' the situation. Only your brother can do that and all you need to do is be there for him when he makes the decision to 'fix' it.

    Did he tell you of his 'fling' because he wants you to know that he's gay? If so, then the issue is his sexual orientation and not necessarily his cheating.

    Did he tell you because his conscience was bothering him? If so, he only wants to unburden himself at your expense.

    Or................ did he tell you because he's hoping you will 'let the cat out of the bag' - thereby relieving himself of the duty?

    Whatever the scenario, it appears that professional counseling is in order here. This issue is not about your brother alone - it's about the three other people involved too. Not to mention that now you too, are involved. Don't be pulled in to this emotional whirlpool. Be there for your brother but don't get actively involved.

    • Like
    • Report

    2 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by DirtyDiana on February 28th, 2005

    DirtyDiana

    Thats a tricky one. Your brother obviously told you because he trusts you and if you tell the two wives then he may never forgive you let alone trust you again. So you have to think if it is worth losing your brother over, and i can tell you it isn't. Your brother needs you there for him to support him, not to betray him. He will have to deal with his wife just as the other gentleman will have to deal with his wife. So your job in this ordeal is to stand by your brother and help him deal with the changes that are bound to happen soon, and tell him he needs to confront his wife about this, its not fair to her or to their children ( if they have any).

    • Like
    • Report

    1 comment | Post one | Permalink

  • by brian646 on October 3rd, 2009

    brian646

    he is having a gay affair?????? wow........that is kinda fucked up........whether you tell them or not, i am guessing that all of this will not end up good.....take care....Brian.....

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by OnTheWaterfront on September 8th, 2009

    OnTheWaterfront

    You can't really tell people what to do ... I mean you can, but they won't usually listen!

    But what you can do is ask him some questions (and tell him he doesn't have to answer to you, but he might want to think about these questions for himself):

    How would he feel if she found out and left him?
    How would he feel if she took custody of their children?
    How would he feel if he was found out - the embarrassment he would feel with all their friends?
    Does he want a skanky life or an honorable life?

    That's about all you can do. Then just sit back and watch life unfold. I know it sucks!

    • Like
    • Report

    1 comment | Post one | Permalink

  • by Bohemian is back on October 23rd, 2008

    Bohemian is back

    Stay out. You could get your fingers burnt.

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Devildog on October 23rd, 2008

    Devildog

    Stay out of it. When you stick your neck out, it ends up in a guillotine.

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Tye209 on May 17th, 2005

    Tye209

    Its your brother, ask him. Maybe he told you so that you could be the one to tell the other women, or maybe he confided in you because he is torn as well. I think the best policy with relationships and pretty much any and everything else, is to put yourself in the situation and know how you would want things to be taken care of. But it sounds like you and your brother are pretty close.

    Just because it matters to men sometimes, does your brother cheat, (is he CHEATING) or has he made a mistake and having an affair. If he told distraught, I would think affair. If its just matter of fact general conversation, maybe hes cheating with what he believes is good reason. Not saying that either is right, but it will help you decide if you knew the basis for the actions....or in better words, the cause for the effect.

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by RubyReds on September 15th, 2009

    RubyReds

    Though you will mean only good it could turn on you! Stay out, dont think you will help cause no matter how and what you will do it will hurt someone and it will come back to you. Your brother must be man enough to come out with it

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by justchattin on October 3rd, 2009

    justchattin

    Your brother, your family. It is really too complicated a situation, stay out of it. Nothing good can come out of it.

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Thinker on September 15th, 2009

    Thinker

    Stay out of it! It is none of your business to "rat" on someone and what they do, especially a family member! Believe me you will be better off in the long run. Treat everyone as normal.

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Sucksatrelationships on September 14th, 2009

    Sucksatrelationships

    Your brother obviously wants someone to talk to and get feedback on this whole issue. Lend him a shoulder and talk to him and let him work out what to do about it.

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Sunshine n Lollipops on October 23rd, 2008

    Sunshine n Lollipops

    Tell your brother you feel like you have to say something now but its his responsibility- make him man up to it

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by anonymous on June 1st, 2010

    anonymous

    i strongly suggest stay away or else you would end up falling into temptation of having a relationship with family friends wife ie if you are a guy....

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by betony24.rei-chan on September 14th, 2009

    betony24.rei-chan

    if he needs your help, he'll come to you.

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by TAPriceCTR s son is wearing his COAT on September 14th, 2009

    TAPriceCTR s son is wearing his COAT

    depends on how much you love your brother and how much you love these women. telling will likely end your relationship with your brother but these women deserve to know. people know not to confide in me that they have been cheating.

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Ziggydoom on September 15th, 2009

    Ziggydoom

    stay out of it. your brother probably didnt tell you that if he wanted them to know.

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by The Gay Expositor Avenges His Lordship on September 14th, 2009

    The Gay Expositor Avenges His Lordship

    Consider a threeway!

    1 comment | Post one | Permalink

  • by sp30 on May 1st, 2010

    sp30

    You have to do something about it, I mean somebody could catch something here and you would have known the whole time, dishonest people will always say do nothing but , they could never be my friends and I hope like hell someone would tell me, this marriage would be over, i'd be checked in to the next holiday Inn...boy! Whooo... yea, you need to be honest, screw these other answers. They are scaredy cats, just be honest people, stop finding reasons to lie.

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

Want to attach an image to your answer? Click here.

Did this answer your question? If not, then ask a new question or create a poll.

More Questions. Additional questions in this category.

You're reading My brother admitted to me that he has been cheating on his wife with a family friend's husband for several months. I'm really torn, should I tell the two women what's going on or stay out of it?

Follow us on Facebook!

Related Ads

Related Questions

Professionally Researched

ANSWERBAG BUZZ

How to handle brother cheating on his wife
Your brother is cheating on his wife
How do i deal with brother who cheated on wife
Brother cheating on his wife
Cheating brother wife

Answerbag

a Demand Media company