Hello. Right, first of all, I am a cutter. Haven't cut in a little while, though I am prone to the odd relapse. I have also been forced recently to realise I have a slight eating disorder. So I am going to tell you what I was like, someone who refused help.
I've spent long hours sitting alone, in the dark crying, because I hurt so much. I became dependant on cutting to get me through a bad day because I couldn't function like a normal person without it. I literally tortured myself because I got so desperate. One day, I cut myself, and I couldn't feel it. I poured industrial drain cleaner in the wounds to feel the burn. It's no way to live. I starved myself for nearly three weeks to the point where I couldn't get out of bed because I enjoyed the burning feeling in my stomach.
Anfd yet here I am, a lot better than I was talking to you. I did it first by acknowledging that 1) I had gone too far (and the first cut is too far) and 2) I had a problem, and I needed it sorted out. I did this myself by finding the route to my problem. For me it was blantantly obvious, but for others it is far harder. When you opress emotion for so long to the point where cutting is your only release, it is sometimes so easy to forget the root problem.
Then I went cold turkey. It was nasty, but it had to be done. No weening myself off it, no gradual baby steps. Just stop. I kept my goal in mind (to be healthy once more) the root of it in mind, and it kept me going. It takes an awful lot of willpower and strength to do. I am actually amazed I did it.
Thing is, I did it alone because that is the only way I can do things. I can't do therapists, I can't open up to them. It's not because I don't think I have a problem, it's just... I can't do it.
Anyone who cuts has a problem. A serious problem. I would advise you did get help, just like your mum thinks. If you don't want it, then you have to make the decision, just like I did. Do you really want to go through it alone?
Your mother isn;t mad. She is upset. Her baby is hurting and she can't make the pain go away. She probably seemed angry, but it was just her being upset. Please don't shut her out, she obviously cares.
Please, whatever you do realise that this is wrong, the wrong way to deal with things. It only gets worse. I don't want it to go as far with you as it did with me. I have to live with it now.
If you need any more help, just email me (see my profile) I am always willing to help, to talk, to do whatever I can.
Let me know how you get on
Comments
experience is the best teacher, +4
by mejinn on March 13th, 2007
Very good advice. Too bad you had to go through it to have this kind of knowledge.
by P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines on March 13th, 2007
Well, you have to learn somehow, don't you? If it helps someone else, then it's worth having to go through it myself
by anonymous on March 13th, 2007