What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A pilot you racest ___!

A nervous passenger arrives at the door of the plane and says to the air hostess "This is my first flight. How often do your places crash?" Smiling, she replies..."Just once."

Did you know that the real purpose of an airplane's propellor is to keep the pilot cool? If you don't believe me, just watch him sweat when it stops.

One night, a Boeing 747 was flying above Glasgow. On board were five people: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a rather high (in several ways) hippie. Suddenly, a loud exploded was heard from the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in Edinburgh. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane. Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night. Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane." The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey man, don't worry. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."

Any landing you walk away from - is a GOOD landing. Stupid I know, but thats the only one I can remember.

[I wrote this joke myself] What did the air-craft carrier say to the submarine when asked about success? "When you think you're on top, there's always someone higher."

Two guys were on a flight headed from New York to Hawaii. Half way into the flight, the captain comes on the intercom and says, we are sorry to inform you that one of our 4 engines has burned out and therefore, our flight time to Hawaii will be delayed about 1 hour. The guy tell his friend, oh gee now that is worrying me, the other guys says dont worry, it will be okay. After another hour goes by, the captain again comes on the intercom and says, we are sorry to inform you that we just lost another engine and therefore, we will now be 2 and a half hours late arriving in Hawaii. Now the guy is really worried and his friend tells him not to sweat it, it will be okay. Well, another hour goes by and the captain again comes on the intercom and says, we have now just lost out third engine, and we are now going to be 4 hours behind in our original arrival time. With this, the guy tells his friend Oh no should I start to prey, and his friend tells him, yeh I think so because if this keeps happening, we will be up here all night.

An airplane pilot dies at the controls. He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the 'newly arrived' area. There are three doors, marked 1, 2, and 3. The devil tells the pilot that he is going to get to choose his own hell, but first, the devil has to take care of something first, and disappears. The curious pilot looks behind door number one. He sees a pilot going through flight checks for all eternity. He looks behind door number two, and he sees a pilot that forever finds himself trying to resolve emergency situations. He looks behind the last door, and sees a Captain being waited on hand and foot by scantily-clad stewardesses. The devil returns just as the pilot gets back to his waiting position. He offers the pilot a choice of door number one or two. The pilot says, "I wanted door number three!" "Sorry," replies the devil, "that's 'flight attendant's hell'." What is ideal Flight Deck complement for a modern airliner? A Captain, a Co-pilot and a dog. The dog is there to bite the captain if he tries to touch the controls, and the co-pilot is there to feed the dog. A burly good 'ol boy Texan on a flight flags down a steward and says, "Captain, I want a drink but I don't see the stewardess around". The steward answers, "Actually I'm not the captain. This airline is proud to have integrated many of the traditional male-female roles of the industry. I'd be happy to get you a drink". Passenger: "Wow, what does the captain think of that?" Steward: "She's all for it, in fact, the entire flight crew is female." Passenger: "I don't believe it!! Take me up to the cockpit so I can see for myself!" Steward: "Actually sir, we don't call it that anymore." http://www.workjoke.com/projoke82.htm

This isnt rally a joke cos it's totally true. Im on the plane to New York sitting next to a fat New Yorkie woman. We're just coming in to land and the capt. gives the usual "The local time is 6:45, the outiside air temp. is -49 degrees". The NY woman next to me cries out in horror "MINUS 49!?!??! MY POOR PARAKEET'S GONNA BE DEAD!!" I laughed the whole 2 weeks away.

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f... ing bored, not f... ing stupid!"

A flight operation officer at Islamabad International Airport had just taken over a duty when he received a radio call from the pilot of one of the airplane. “Tower, Echo Juliet only 100 pounds of fuel left. Request instruction” Alarmed by the seriousness of the situation, the officer replied. “Echo Juliet, don’t panic, remain calm and give me your exact location” “Tower, I’m parked on 24 End and wondering where the browser is”, replied the pilot in a very calm voice.