ANSWERS: 21
  • unless you give that power to everyone, had you moved on he would no longer be able to "torture" you
  • Abusive people are insecure about themselves and continue to abuse to make themselves seem more powerful then they truly are.
  • I just posted the same question...LOL I think it's because he is still trying to control you. Stay strong and do not entertain it. He wants to pull you back in and as long as you allow it he will win...
  • Like you said he is abusive and showing you that he will not change..:)
  • How is he getting access to you?
  • He is manipulating you...still maintaing control. And you are probably making it possible for him to do this. Learn to not care AT ALL about him. Ignore him. ignore his threats and show no fear. When he has no control over you, he will back off. Right now he is doing what he always did with you and he expects the same results; that you will come to your senses and come whineing back to him. Get clear of him. Fast.
  • MINE DID THAT TOO. I MOVED ON...HE COULDN'T. WHY...BECAUSE THE ONE THING THAT HE COULD CONTROL ,IS NO LONGER THERE.
  • because you allow him to quit all contact with him and get some counseling so you can learn to distance yourself emotionally from the opinions of people who really don't care about you good luck
  • You seem like a very special and loving woman. All I can tell is that he will NEVER change and you have to, no matter how difficult it may be, cut off ALL ties to him & his friends. You have to find the inner strength to move pass this. There are plenty of men out there that will cherish and respect you because of the kind of woman you are. This guy is a user and a frankly a piece of shit and if you were my friend or my sister I can assure you he nor his friends would never bother you again. I wish you luck and (((HUGS))) From, Jonathan +5
  • Cut off comms. with those people who are telling you all these hurtful messsages. If they had sense they wouldn't tell you that stuff. Concentrate on moving on with your life. Do everything you can to get out and do what you want to do to achieve your goals and dreams. Hang out only with people you know love you and care about you and make new friends. Also try and get some counselling to learn better how to not let it affect you.
  • I'm guessing that he's grasping at straws (your emotions/feelings) as that you'll be receptive to his comments, etc in order to simply bring you down to his level. Kinda like him thinking that he may have some control over you and by him making negative comments ,etc is probably a way of trying to make you miserable cause he's miserable. Its a pathetic way of a abuser hoping that your still weak enough to be affected in general or to be affected so that you'll come back, so he has some he can abuse! Fortunately my ex isn't torturing me but I wasn't able to see things clearly until 4yrs into my abusive relationship, and he was quite manipulative!
  • Because you allow it. If you broke up and moved out, you shouldn't be in contact - especially if you feel he's mentally "torturing" you.
  • Be very strong no matter how much he infuriates or drives you mad. Ignore his calls, don't waste time, money and energy answering HIS calls. He is doing his best to grind you down and suck you back into his abuse. Only YOU can choose whether to be CONTROLLED by this verbal bully. KEEP YOUR DISTANCE FROM A BULLY
  • He's a guy with an insurmountable feeling of inadequacy! He HATES the idea you could REALLY be happy without him! Be GLAD he's gone! His feelings of insecurity are a lifelong battle for HIM! You DON'T need that! Hope that answers your question!
  • How have you moved on if he still can get to you somehow enough to still be doing this to you. If he still has a way of getting to you then you havenot moved on. Totally cut all ties to this abusive asshole before he hurts you badly.
  • For one thing,your ex is a insecure person who is miserable and will try to make your life like his.You still love him,don't you?You must keep in contact somehow.He could not tortue you mentally if you don't let him.The first thing you must do is stop feeling sorry for him.If you truly want to get on with your life,you must erase him.
  • Have you really moved on if he can still be around for you to be tortured mentally. When I breakup and I move on my ex can't call me or come around. I think if you have truly moved on then you need stay clear from him be it's obvious he likes doing this to you but you don't have to be around so that he can. Instead of asking why he would do this to you why not remove yourself totally from the equation. You would be alot more happier. An ex is an ex for a reason.
  • This is stalking. He has probably not yet found his next victim. You could seek psychological help for yourself, and eventually legal help. He probably needs some help too, but not from you. "In "A Study of Stalkers" Mullen et al.. (2000) identified five types of stalkers: - Rejected stalkers pursue their victims in order to reverse, correct, or avenge a rejection (e.g. divorce, separation, termination). - Resentful stalkers pursue a vendetta because of a sense of grievance against the victims – motivated mainly by the desire to frighten and distress the victim. - Intimacy seekers seek to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. To them, the victim is a long-sought-after soul mate, and they were 'meant' to be together. - Incompetent suitors, despite poor social or courting skills, have a fixation, or in some cases a sense of entitlement to an intimate relationship with those who have attracted their amorous interest. Their victims are most often already in a dating relationship with someone else. - Predatory stalkers spy on the victim in order to prepare and plan an attack – usually sexual – on the victim." Source and further information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stalking
  • It is the nature of the abusive personality. They find it impossible to let go. It can also be dangerous for you. Depending on the circumstances and how far he takes is taking things, it might be an idea to have a restraining order taken out against him. In the meantime, don't antagonise him. If he phones, treat him respectfully but firmly and cut the call short--don't engage in any lengthy dialogue, so that he does not have a chance to torture you mentally. Cut him off before it starts -- they can carry on for hours. Have as little contact with him as possible. Build a support structure around yourself -- their nature is also to try to isolate you from family and friends.
  • If he is still finding a way to torture you you have not moved on. However, wanting to move on is also a big part in moving on. You will have to tell him to leave you alone. You have to keep standing up for yourself. When he realises you are certain of yourself he will no longer bother you because then there is no way he can bother you. As long as you give reaction to his actions he will keep bothering you.
  • Abusers are persistent. He will, forever, attempt to control you in any way he can. The secret is not to give him any opportunities to do so.

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