If you have a friend who is depressed & anxious alot, and SAYS they want help, but when they have the chance to get it for free they refuse it, what would you do? I know people must accept it to be helped. But it is sad. Just curious what you think?
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Anonymous
ANSWERS: 6
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They're not ready yet. They are still in the victimized, self-pity stage.
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It would seem they are not yet ready to deal with their problems. Some get stuck in a real rut and need to hit bottom before they really will accept help. Alcoholics and people who are depressed often do this. I would let them alone and hope they do not waste too many more months or years before they are willing to confront their problems with professional help. I would avoid the temptation to push them at all, no matter how desperate they sound, unless they really are willing to go for help, free or not.
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Some people just can't face things that hurt. Digging in to the past or present can be very scary! I know for me it isn't easy. I was in counseling several years ago but with everything in the present I could never touch the past. It was probally a defense as the past was painful and safer hidden under the present. Dealing with the present only though never gets to the root problem...as the past is effecting the present every single day ...because if you faced the past then the present probally be different...different perspective.
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Sometimes getting better is even scarier than staying the way you are. Getting help for a problem has so many unknowns. At least staying the same means exactly that - staying the same. At least one is used to being depressed, change can be very frightening. There are also people who stigmatize themselves, and don't want to think of themselves as "crazy" or so weak as to need help. Kinda sad.
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When you find out its like that, you politely stop actively helping. If they want to stay as the victim but want to moan on about how they need help, then what they really mean is they just want a helper - they want you to play 'rescuer'. Every time you run off to do things for them that they could really have done for themselves, you become another person who 'agrees' that they can't cope, and that helps them play-act the victim for even longer. If you google for The Drama Triangle you'll get more info.
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I havent got a friend like that but i have a sis who when she does somthing stupid or feels down says she want help, but when she is offered it she wont take it! it is soooo irritating!
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