My girlfriend had a horrible childhood. Should she now feel obligated to take in her mother or just see her into a good nursing home?
by 
Lone Wolf
ANSWERS: 3
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I had just such a mother as this, maybe even worse. I personally feel that my mother doesn't deserve for me to piss on her if she was on fire, much less pay for her (or even help her find) a decent nursing home. You make your bed and you lay in it. That is what makes people learn their lessons when they chose to take the easy way out of things. I would never deny my mother that lesson. Maybe she will remember it her next time around. Just because she is old and feeble doesn't mean sh*t if she doesn't come up with some kind of heartfelt apology.
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You girlfriend needs to be honest with herself and fair to her mother. Was the reason she had such a bad childhood the direct result of her mothers actions. Were they actions her mother could have avoided and therefore made a happier life for your gf? Did she have some uncontrolabe addiction? If she knows in her heart her mother is to blame entirely for her bad childhood then she has no reason whatsoever to feel obligated to her mother now. If, on the other hand, the situation bothers her she has to do what she will be able to live with after her mother is gone so it doesn't really matter what the truth is. She only needs to satisfy her own moral judgement, not her mothers.
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Personally, I feel it would be a matter of whether she could tolerate living with her mother. I love my mother, but I could NEVER live with her. We are two different and completely opposite women with very strong opinions. I think my mother and I would both agree that she would have to live somewhere other than in my home. I also think that it would depend on the mother's health. Does she need nursing care? If so, then is the daughter capable of giving that to her? I know I wouldn't be. But if the mother is healthy enough, then there are also assisted living arrangements where you can get your own apartment or home but still have someone there to help with your needs or check up on you. That would be another option. Good luck!
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