unjust and rather idiotic of the family of friends of the person who cant

I think thats called being dim.

I can speak on this on a personal basis, since I am the person with a disability. The disability being in my lower legs and ankles due to car wreck. Cannot stand for long periods or walk for long distances, do use a cane to walk because of ankles my balance is not what it should be. Been this way 4 yrs. But still at times my family forgets say when planning events that require walking. Or when at get togethers everyone is just standing around talking, generally where no seating is available, not good for me. Even housework, there are areas (doing dishes, sweeping, etc) I've had to find a different way of doing them. Sometimes, when I say something about I won't be able to join them for this event that requires walking, they seem surprised, til I remind them I can't do the walking. When we are all standing around talking they're wondering what I'm doing when I invent a place to sit, then a light clicks on & they remember it hurts me to stand. Or seem surprised when they see me sitting on a stool to do dishes, or moving a chair around the room, sitting and sweeping one area at a time. Then you see that little light click on reminding them why. I think it's they still see you as the person you were before you had the disability. They don't want to treat you any different for fear of hurting feelings or making you feel insecure or less of a person for that disability. Plus they treat you normal because they want you to get the most out of your life despite the disability, not let the disability live your life for you. So, it's not always that they are just being insensitive. Just human. I live with my disability every day, but I am not disabled, just happen to have a disability.(Maybe a play on words, but does a world of good for the attitude!) Don't know if this answers your question, or maybe is too much answer. But it's my answer.

It's insensitivity, not necessarily as a result of ill will, more likely lack of thoughtfulness and awareness. I have disabled persons in my family and try to be ever conscious of assisting with tasks that are hard or impossible for them. I find I have to remind others to be as conscious. It's just that I am very, very close to these individuals and care deeply. My suggestion is to kindly and politely ask if they wouldn't mind helping you with this or that. Over time, they will likely remember on their own. The other possibility (of course, I don't know) is that they think you are babying yourself and would like for you to at least try to do these tasks, to go as far as you can rather than just quitting altogether.

I wouldn't say that it would be a phenomenom as it doesn't happen to everybody, just the people who aren't truly genuine. I would say that it's a lack of caring that the person is disabled. Either because they are fed up with the disabilities of the person or because they just don't have patience to care any more.