A marriage break up is just like a death. You are grieving, and there are stages of grief. They are denial anger bargaining depression acceptance You should figure out where you are in that process, and then figure out how to move to the next step.

Whatever you do don't argue with him, bad mouth or trash him in front of your kids. My mom did all of that and more. My mom was diagnosed to be bipolar and it has been hell. It's 17 years later and I'm still messed up from it stress wise through my childhood. I was 10 when my parents divorced and it sucked reliving it over and over with my mom not moving on.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through that. My sister has been going through the same thing after being with her husband for 15 years (married 10)and being a stay at home mother with no work experience. She called me crying one day because she found out the girl he left her for had given birth to his child! For months she told me he would come back and she just knew it. I kept telling her not to plan on that or even think that way. When she got the news she was so devistated; and understandably so. They aren't even divorced yet. But she has a job now and a new place to live and is trying to stay as busy as she can with other things. She told me that's what's getting her through it. And if she starts to feel sad she calls me or one of her other sisters to talk about how she's feeling and that helps her too. She told me that whenever she misses him (and she still does) that she thinks of how awful he was to do that to her and it helps her to realize she's probably better off without him. I can only say that you try to do whatever you can to keep him from your mind. Do whatever it takes for you to feel good. I've been told more than once that it hurts as bad as dealing with a death and you need time to grieve. I hope you will find something interesting to occupy your mind and help to think of other things. Maybe counseling might help too. Eventually it will get easier.

Concentrate on helping your boys and don't make them take sides. They love you both.

Realise that it can take 2 or more years to fully get past it and move on. You have to have contact because of your children, so it will take longer than if you could just cut off all contact. If you are still struggling with this more than a year later, i would suggest getting a session or two of personal counselling. I went for this when my marriage broke up 23 years ago and it was one of the best things I ever did. Ask your doctor, pastor , friends or relatives for a reference to someone they recommend. Think of it as getting a bit of life coaching. If you are struggling financially because of the split, it makes it even harder to accept - been there and so have millions of others. Be sure that you get whatever child support the children are entitled to. Don't let any false pride prevent you from collecting it on their behalf. Your stress affects your children, so the sooner you can help, the better for everyone.

It will pass. Everything does. It just takes some people longer. (I was a longer person myself).....but life will improve. You will get over it...Believe in that. A lot of us have been there, through the heartbreak and a lot of us came out of that horrible emotional rollercoaster to be better people and learned to live and love again.

Slap yourself. HARD! Then get yourself an icebag, a new dress and a new man :)

I dont have much experience with such long term relationships. But I think maybe you should try go on a few dates, nothing serious or too full on. Just nice dinner dates, or cinema dates. It will help you see there are other guys still out there for you. And there is nothing wrong with you! My friend went out with a fella for around two years and it has taken her a year to trust another man so it takes time. I cant imagine what it would be like if you were married for 12 years! But I really do think the dating will help, it will give you back you confidence to.