If your spouse was molesting your child and your child told you, would you believe your child?

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• You just wrote my story

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  by Babycakes on February 26th, 2007

• (((HUGS))) and (((((MORE HUGS)))) for the little child that was you

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  by Anonymous on September 14th, 2007

• ALWAYS with the uncles...
  I sure hope my baby bro isn't gonna be a "creepy uncle"..

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  by hunnyluv on December 25th, 2007

• watch the children the're our future!

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  by sloppywet on March 23rd, 2008

• my mom still has issues too.

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  by SamPanther on April 29th, 2008

• I feel so bad for children. I mean parents are just so not caring now a days. I'm not saying all parents are like that but a lot are, and that's just so sad.

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  by Just me on December 27th, 2008

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• well i was abused by my father some years ago. i told my mum and she ddnt believe me. until one day she walkd in on him in the act...
  
  i think that it wasnt the fact she ddnt love me or believe me i think she ddnt want to face up to it. i also think that she felt guilty as if it was her fault and ddnt kno how to deal wit it.

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  by Anonymous on July 24th, 2008

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• my point exactly

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  by thinkin on February 18th, 2007

• I'm worried about my son and his dad.....Some of the things my son does, or says have made me get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. But he's only 2.....I don't know how to approach it, because what if it isn't happening? But if it is I don't want to have my son continue to be hurt and in danger.....

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  by sdug1211 on January 28th, 2011

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• Like cake of death said, even if the child is known be a little dramatic or is known to lie a little too much, you should always go with your child when is something this serious...you dont want to take ANY chances...what about if she/he is saying the truth this time? Go with your child ALL the time...boyfriends/girlfriends (well boyfriends most of the time in this case) COME and GO, but children are FOREVER! They are your blood. You could brake up at anytime with a spouse or boyfriend but you're gonna be mother and son/daughter FOREVER!

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  by AlsoAnonymous on April 4th, 2008

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• and then i would throw you a party!!!

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  by Babycakes on February 26th, 2007

• Thanks

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  by Subject Matter Expert on February 26th, 2007

• I'd come.

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  by Just me on December 27th, 2008

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• I'm sorry.

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  by Just me on December 27th, 2008

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• It's terrible stuff when a child can't convince it's own mother to protect.

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  by Stableboy on February 18th, 2007

• I think men have no idea how lucky they are that more of us do not commit murder when we find out what they have done- the women who knew should be jailed forever too

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  by Alaskacatalog on February 18th, 2007

• I pretty much feel like anyone who commits or allows child abuse/molestation/incest should be mentally locked in to the emotional moment that would replay over and over of all that the child felt, until such time as they "truly" understood in every why what THEIR actions had done.

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  by Redhawk on February 18th, 2007

• AC, your comment almost sounds like you are saying that molestation is a crime committed exclusively by men. I should hope to think that isn't what you meant.

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  by NotYourAvgPsycho on February 18th, 2007

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• I think it was a rhetorical question. But here is the thing, pornography does not a molestor make. If its child porn thats definatly one thing and to me that would convict them. But I've had a lot of roommates that looked at adult porn but that doesn't mean they molest children.

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  by Valparaiso on February 27th, 2007

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• "Kids just don't make stuff up like that."
  
  Eh, not usually no, but it does happen. In fifth grade, a not so close friend admitted that he lied about his step-father touching him, just because he hated him so much and wanted him to go away.

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  by Drastic on August 27th, 2007

• True, I was thinking of kids that were like, 4,5,6. younger kids that are still iffy about whats right and wrong. I was projecting the ages of my kids onto the hypothetical child in the question. But you are very right.

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  by Gina on August 27th, 2007

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• me 2 never believed til way to late and God help the soul that touch my babies!!!

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  by firecracr on February 24th, 2007

• They are what we will call dead meat

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  by Babycakes on February 25th, 2007

• true enough if someone hurt my kids I would want to do undescribale things to them. Eventually the molester in my life killed himself. Which is more pain to live with....but in the end he got the death he deserved. It hurts a lot to think that. 25 years later.

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  by firecracr on February 25th, 2007

• I am so sorry for all the pain you went through. My abuser is a family member and I wish he would drop dead. Everytime we have a family event I have to relive it while he goes on with his life like nothing happened. When he dies I will be able to breathe again. It sure feels good to say I wish he was dead because I mean it and have never said it out loud. I wish I could put my arm around you just to let you know that I understand. Did he kill himself because he couldnt live with the fact of what he did to you? My abuse was over 30 years ago but it might as well have been yesterday because I live with it everyday.

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  by Babycakes on February 25th, 2007

• My Mom finally left him (in the beginning just as a 2 week vacation) when I was 11 for womanizing. We moved 600 miles away. After the 2 weeks my mom told him she was not coming back. She knew he molested her little brother 7 years earlier and never left him. I did not tell anyone for another 9 months after we left. He killed himself becuase I told. 5 years later my brother told me it had been happening for 14 years for him and he was severely ashamed of it. He swore me to secrecy...I of course let my mom know after 6 months. Then 24 years later my other brother finally admitted it to me. Its been a little over 25 years now since he died. He killed himself on my oldest brothers 16th birthday. We were called into the principals office to be told by him what happened.

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  by firecracr on February 25th, 2007

• http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/148047
  
  on the subject you are speaking of.

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  by firecracr on February 25th, 2007

• About 10 years ago my 4 other sisters told me they too had been molested. I am so glad your abuser is dead and hope that mine dies before me so I can enjoy at least a few family get togethers before I die. Horrah horrah for you for telling. You are so brave. my brother was getting married to a girl that had a child the same age when he molested me so I told the girl and she left him but everyone blamed me for his unhappiness. Needless to say I have issues.

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  by Babycakes on February 26th, 2007

• No way good job. Can you imagine the guilt you would have if you would have let them get married and the child was molested? The woman is thanking God someone warned her.

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  by firecracr on February 26th, 2007

• I really believed I would have killed myself if I found out some little innocent had been his victim had I not spoke up. I have too go to a get together in 2 weeks and he will be there and he makes me want to castrate him but the thought of touching him makes me want to vomit so I will just hope he dies.

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  by Babycakes on February 26th, 2007

• are there time limits on reporting sexual abuse in your state? I think there are not...as many children never speak up. You could get your sisters in full force and report him and charge him!

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  by firecracr on February 26th, 2007

• As long as we have one other brother alive we will never report it because he doesnt know and we dont want him to know. He doesnt have children and is married to someone who doesnt want kids so we dont feel like putting this on him(the good brother)

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  by Babycakes on February 26th, 2007

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• Good idea, I belive moderation would in order in this situation. Put the child where they are safe and then find the truth out for yourself. Children have lied about this before and they have told the truth about it before too. Overreacting would probably be bad.

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  by Valparaiso on February 27th, 2007

• I don't know of any child who has lied about it, honestly. I do know a bunch of girls and women (group I moderate) who were told that they were lying. I think parents would rather believe that the child is lying than confront the truth.

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  by AntigoneRising on March 29th, 2007

• I agree with you AR. Little ones generally don't lie. Teenagers are another thing, however. Nevertheless, the principle remains. Remove the child, find out the truth,...and with a vengeance.

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  by singwell-is off researching a lot on March 29th, 2007

• Yes smaller ones don't typically lie about it. But teenagers in the past have lied about it to destroy the reputations of men that they do not like.

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  by Valparaiso on March 31st, 2007

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• lol...morbid but made me laugh

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  by crushedbutterfly on October 24th, 2007

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• Yes, I do need to ask. My aunt never believed me. I was an attention-seeking, overdramatic liar. Still am, in fact.

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  by AntigoneRising on April 23rd, 2007

• were you lying about that? while that obviously does happen it's extremely rare!

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  by confucious on April 28th, 2007

• I believe she was referring to what her aunt thinks of her for telling the truth.

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  by Indigo- in the library with the revolver on June 1st, 2007

• Exactly, Indigo. I was quoting what my aunt said, not the truth. The truth is that I never lied. What person wants the attention that comes with saying a family member was sexual with them? Why do people think that those who speak up are trying to get that attention or "honor"? Bleck.

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  by AntigoneRising on June 1st, 2007

• Oh sorry....I'm very passionate about the subject, same as that my mother was torn between us & her man so it was easier to believe we lied, but of all the people I have ever met who've made an accusation like that I know ine who lied...and that was a matter of 'WHO' not that nothing happened she just blamed someone safer at first as she was only a kid. Truely sorry if I was aggressive.

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  by confucious on June 5th, 2007

• My aunt did the same.

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  by AntigoneRising on June 5th, 2007

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• I am with you except I would tell the police where they could find the body

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  by Babycakes on February 26th, 2007

• you are so right...except that maybe there would not be enough left for the police to find

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  by Jade on February 26th, 2007

• Iam smiling just thinking about it

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  by Babycakes on February 26th, 2007

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• I have not known childran that have lied about it but I do know a few adults that have. It makes it hard to believe in repressed memories.

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  by thinkin on February 18th, 2007

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• Manipulative? What does it have to do with what your spouse is like? If you thought he/she was a molestor, I doubt you would have married him/her and had kids. Yet, these same people sometimes turn out to be molestors.

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  by AntigoneRising on June 1st, 2007

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• have a child of your own? I lean towards giving back the points that someone else took from you... for saying you would remove child...but not sure you understand the true remafacations of a child being abused. A child would not know what sexual abuse was unless they had experienced it. See after being abused, children act it out in various ways and they have details that can not be picked up otherwise...DO NOT EVEN TELL ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! >>>>after 11 years of Daddys hands I think I am the authority on this.

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  by firecracr on February 24th, 2007

• I think you mistook my answer. I would, first and foremost, protect my child. The point I was trying to make was that I wouldn't necessarily just murder my spouse because of something my child said. That would be completely insane. Are you telling me that children don't watch enough TV to know what sex and molestation are? What about other factors like a paranoid family member makking "suggestions" to the child. I am sorry to hear about what happened to you, and I am sure you know about the topic. All I am saying is that EVERY situation needs to bee looked at objectively.

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  by Sketchy Mess Jeoffory on February 25th, 2007

• fire> I think he has a good point here. My solution is to send the child to my parents or a trusted cousin (My brother doesn't handle kids well) and then investigate further. If there is any chance that there is evidence left over (which there could easily be on a female child) then I would take her to the hospital immediatly to have her checked out and see if a doctor can verify her statements. Male child its much harder but still possible.

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  by Valparaiso on February 27th, 2007

• I never downrated him!

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  by firecracr on February 27th, 2007

• Thats cool I didn't say you did.

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  by Valparaiso on February 28th, 2007

• that is good val, but you would have to make sure to also make the child feel safe and having a doctor probe in certain areas cna really cause some emotional trauma esp. if they are being abused. it is a tricky and complicated situation.

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  by heathbar on March 28th, 2007

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