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by Anonymous on February 18th, 2007

Anonymous

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I've been seeing a divorced,single father for three half months. Should I have been introduced to his son by now & is it normal that he visits his child at his ex wife's house several times a week? His ex wife still depends on using his car & financial

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Answers. 10 helpful answers below.

  • by nurse7263 on February 18th, 2007

    nurse7263

    I dated a man with children once, too.

    You'll be introduced when he feels its the right time. Don't rush - children become attached so quickly that he might be afraid that if things go sour, he'll not only end up hurt, but hurt his children as well.

    As for his ex - she's an ex for a reason. Remember, he's with YOU now, not her. Try and remember that. It'll help! Good luck!

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  • by AntigoneRising on February 18th, 2007

    AntigoneRising

    About the son -

    He will introduce you when he feels the time is right for his son, him, and you. You may not like this, but his ex-wife will probably have some input into the matter (and should, as it affects her son). She will likely be fielding questions about daddy's new girlfriend.

    I see no reason why he shouldn't be with his son and an active part of his life. That means that he will frequently be at whereever his son lives. That is the nature of parenthood.

    About the ex-wife -

    She is no longer his wife, but she will always be the mother of his son. He will continue to co-parent with her. You need to decide on whether or not you can handle that.

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  • by EyePod on March 18th, 2007

    EyePod

    sound like he hasn't cut the lifeline to his ex-wife yet.Well you knew this when you met him all other thoughts were expectations on your part.

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  • by seaelen on March 18th, 2007

    seaelen

    You will meet the son when he feels the time is right. My ex & I have agreed to a MINIMUN of 6 months before introducing someone we are dating. As for spending time there, that is where the child lives. It's good that the child feels that his dad is welcome in his home. My ex spends time at my house with our son because it is easier for him. He is focused on the child, not on me when he is here. He often does the bedtime routine with him (not me). We are NOT ever going to get back together, but we get along & realize we will always be parents together.
    As far as the ex being dependent on him for car, you will have to ask him what is the agreement between them. My ex & I agreed I would stay home with our son for a while. You need to be asking him these questions, but remember you are still quite early in the relationship.

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  • by Alaskacatalog on February 18th, 2007

    Alaskacatalog

    There's something going on. Trust your instincts.

    He may be trying to get back w/ her and keeping you as a back up plan, or someone to sleep with until he knows for sure.

    Been through it. There is NO legitimate reason for him to be with his ex several times a week if she is indeed his ex. Have you seen the D. papers & does his place look lived in? Are you sure he isn't just a husband having an affair?

    How old is the son? If he is small. OK, but if not, he should be taking him out, not acting like a 'family' if they are not. I don't want my ex to spend time with me-- he is supposed to be focusing on the boys.

    3 and a half months is long enough for him to have helped her achieve some independence. What is in it for him? As Dr Phil says, "What's the payoff?"

    All things to consider.

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  • by dat_tweety_lubber on March 18th, 2007

    dat_tweety_lubber

    I know you may love this guy a lot, and that's the perfectly normal part, but you are really hurting the son, I think. You SHOULD be introduced to all of his old family, and you should try your best to show what a new good companion you'd be for the father. Sometimes, if you can show a good impression, his old family may actually end up liking you and you'll all live happily ever after.

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  • by lizizhere on March 18th, 2007

    lizizhere

    Usually when a couple with children get divorced the non custidial parent has to provide transportation & pay half of the bills & insurance depending sometimes on who was the cause of the divorce. Maybe he can't afford to do that right now & found it less expensive just to loan her his car when she needs it. He is still being a father which is GREAT if he visits the child alot maybe he's trying not to make it so traumatic on the him because of the seperation, he probably wants to make sure that the 2 of you are a sure thing before he introduces his son to you because kids get attached so easily & if the 2 of ya'll don't work out the child will have to go thru another seperation of a new friend. They are to little to understand why adults don't always get along but they make friends easily & it does hurt then when mommy or daddys new friend is gone & the kids want to see them & can't. Maybe he understands if his ex gets a job that he would have to pay out more for day care & other expenses then if she stays home with the son, until the boy gets older. Also easing his mind that a stranger is not taking care of his child while he & his ex are working.

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  • by Anonymous on August 3rd, 2007

    Anonymous

    Ive been dating a man of a 4 yr old boy for over 16 months, and he has never introduced me or included me....Ive suggested the zoo, a picnic, a movie...but he says he is worried the ex wife will freak out, even though she is the one who left him??I have to leave when the boy comes over...??? My daughter is 21 and has turned out to be quite a young mature lady, so Im a very good mother figure, sometimes waiting too long to introduce them can have an adverse affect...I feel alienated at this point...Im confused....

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  • by Chris E on June 12th, 2009

    Chris E

    You have to be patient he will let you meet his son when he thinks the time is right. Now as far as ex-wife goes, they have a child together so she will alway be a his life and most likely your as well and you accept that. Now as far the car and financial he may allowingit to happen in lieu of child supprot. But if you get serious with him you may want to discuss that with him.

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  • by P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines on March 18th, 2007

    P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines

    No. There should be a minimum of six months before you meet the child. Or when ever he feels that it's time. So just hold on if this is going some where yuou'll meet them. Any sooner and you could warp them. As for visting his children at his ex's there could very well be a reason for this. It might state in his decree that that's where the visits have to be. Or he could be, and hold on, a very involved and loving father. I know if my ex let me visit my oldest when ever I wanted I'd be there all the time. You need to ask him why he goes there instead of the kids to his place. You might get an answer that lets you know not to continue witht the relationship. Like abuse allegations. And he's still responsable for the financial well being of those kids. So yes, he's going to give her money. Plus he might have to pay alimony. But she does need to get her own car and a job. He needs to stop letting her use him like that. And that could also be why he's over there alot. To take her shopping and to take the kids places. You need to sit down with him and talk this all out. And if it still bugs you need to get out before you get any futher in.

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