ANSWERS: 23
  • For me, once was enough. Try a trial basis. Children don't need drunks in the house. good luck!
  • Does he attend AA meetings? What is he actually doing to work on his issues? Before considering taking him back make sure he is actually working on the problem and not just doing it himself, otherwise you will find yourself back in the same situation.
  • NO. I had an ex boyfriend once upon a time. His Mother went through the same sorry situation. She went back. Not too long after he back-handed her in the car one day. When she cried and mentioned HIS promised not to act that way anymore, HE said, "Shut the F&$# up, you KNEW what I am THIS TIME around." How it ended...finally...he got drunk, came home beat the crap out of his wife..and announced he was going to kill their three children (2 boys, 1 baby girl). As he walked down the hallway to the children's rooms...WITH A LOADED GUN...his wife drug herself to get ANOTHER GUN, WHICH SHE THEN EMPTIED INTO HIS BACK, and then shot herself in the stomach. He died, she lived, spent about a year in a mental facility/lock up, was released went back to her kids and proceeded to marry OTHER ABUSIVE ASSHOLES who beat her and her children emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically.....(you may want to think real hard about this story....it's unfortunately TRUE.) My Partner now...she was married to a guy like yours, only HE stopped drinking for about six YEARS. Safe right? Time to start a family! After their son was born, he started drinking again, started beating her up AGAIN...and she left him for good when her son was about 2 years old...never looked back. Her ex....after 18 more years...is still a royal screw up, still drinking, still spending quality time in and out of jail, still doing totally dumb stuff and has LOST EVERYTHING he might have at one time valued...including having a relationship with his son, a great young man who decided that he DID NOT want to spend any more time around his Dad when he was about 14.
  • You seriously need to give it longer than 4 months to even consider going back. If he loves you he will give you as much time as you need to make the right decision.
  • What AA chip does he have? Does he go? Can he prove it? Look I don't want to come down hard on the guy, But with a 1 year old you can't take chances. Even if he does not hit him he may neglect him and cause real harm or death. People can change. But they have to prove it first!!! Look out for your self and most importantly you new born!!!! Just a thought.+5
  • First, it took alot of courage to do what you did. I am very proud of you. You put your child's needs first. That is what parents do. As for him, I think you can try a second time, but I would move very slowly. The first year of sobriety is the most difficult. He is not cured. He will always be recovering. Is he in AA? Is he very diligent? He is hanging around with the people who he used to drink with? His he sneaky? Or, do you see a real change? I would not move in with him. Maybe start with some play dates with your child. Meet somewhere, hang out and then drive home separately. Give himself a chance to to prove himself. If he makes it through a year and is really working the program, then maybe move back in. But, always have an exit plan and let him know that he is already on strike 2. Strike 3 means that is over forever. If you have to harp on him to go to meetings, forget it. He will be drinking again very soon. Good Luck!
  • I wouldn't take him back. I've been in a similar situation. He swore he'd quit drinking & be a responsible adult. He stayed sober for less than a month, then he was back to his old routine. I left him and never looked back. I don't miss the drama.
  • No....your priority is your child. There is a middle ground, start dating again and see how it goes. Please dont put yourself or your child back in that situation, think about what you both went thru last time trying to get away...do u really want to that again?
  • for as long as he is an alcoholic he will never change he will get drunk and do it again using the "drink problem" as an excuse if he is serious about you and your child he will get help to stop drinking and take some anger management classes until then do not put your childs life in jeapordy or your own
  • Showing is always better than telling. Wait until the change is evident in his everyday life. I don't think 4 months is enough time, and abusers tend to swear that they have changed before they do. You had a lot of courage to leave him. Kudos for you!
  • was the husband abusive sober or just when drunk and is he really reformed you know your husband. have you heard it befor? and if so then no don't go back for you, but mostly for your child. your the only protection your child has. your child will grow up learning to act the same way. let more time pass befor making eny changes. let your husband sit awhile to see if he really changed. if he is getting professional help then he on the right road, i would give it more time to see if he sticks to it.
  • Have you been blind and deaf your whole life? That is the oldest line in the book, and it never turns out to be true. If, and only if, his drinking problem is resolved for at least a year, you might consider it. Until then NO.
  • Hell No!, You only been married two years and he already abused you to the extent that you had to call the Police. He has shown he's true side. Learn and take advantage of it and get out of the marriage. People with drinking problems just don’t cure overnight. He still has the problem. He will swear until the next time he beat's the shit out of you. Don't give him that chance. Use the incident as grounds for your divorce and seek alimony if you do not work and child support. Don't have anything else to do with this jerk that abuses women. He can sweet talk all he wants, once you let him in, it is going to be more difficult to get a good ruling because you accepted him back. So you start from scratch. Next time he may put you in the hospital, and worst yet, the baby will absolve what’s going on which is not good. Stay Strong! Remember, once an abuser always an abuser. Don't let him sweet talk he's way back into your life.
  • I would say no, it's not been long enough. Do not jeopardize your child's physical or emotional well being by exposing him/her to any potential harm. Most likely, you will walk on eggshells and continually worry about the old situation arising again if you return. Next time, he may not let you leave.
  • by experience my ex told me that so many many many times , it never stopped he almost killed me right in front of our kids, if my friend had not got there when she did i would not be here right now typing this ,,i was on the floor stripped down by him, to my bra and underwear and all i remember was seeing black and then heard my friend say STOP IT NOW and the next thing i saw was the cops putting cuffs on him and my kids looking scared to pieces so my answer is only if you want to go through this the rest of your life,,,
  • No one can answer that, only you! you know him, so ask your self do you want to go back? do you still love him? can you ever forgive what he has done? I personally, if i loved him, i would give one more chance, not just for you but for the sake of your baby, maybe give it another few months and let him show you he has changed before you move back in, and what he is doing to try and change. is he going to AA meetings? is he getting counselling for his abuse? he needs to prove to you now if he wwants you back. good luck xx
  • Don't go back just based on someone's word. However much you want to believe them, if they've changed and are serious about making the relationship with you work they'll be more than happy to prove it to you. Start fresh, go out to dinner with him and the kid. Watch movies together, DATE! Don't jump straight back into the situation that didn't work before.
  • You need time to allow yourself the outside perspective, meaning distance and not having him apart of your life. If your meant to be together then what is 2 years away from him when you'll have 20 years down the road. You must see change, he must go to a psychologist. EVERY SINGLE PERSON SWEARS THEY ARE REFORMED, a person that truly is becoming reformed will let you have time away, and really really focus on themselves getting better. This situation really sucks and it brings me pain just seeing this question. Woe to the reality of love.
  • Nononono. Drinking problems don't fix emselves in four months. Go back now and within another two months you'll be back where you started. If you really want him back, take him to AA or some such a site. If he goes with you, you are on the right track. If he won't go, get out now.
  • no way, i left that situation where my ex husband is an alkie. once an alkie always an alkie and they they tell u they will change. they wont it is configuered in their dna to be abusive. stay away. i have and it has been the best thing for me to do. I have come in contact with other abusive men and left their asses. I am taking care of me.
  • I could tell you my story, but I wont. I think only you know if he has changed or not, Your heart knows. I will say that after you press charges....things are DIFFERENT. Let me ask, do you feel guilty for pressing charges, does he talk about you pressing charges? Is he mad about it, or does he take 100% responsibility? (and HE is 100% responsible for it!)
  • it wouldn't matter unless he can prove that he is in aa and getting therapy? but with a baby you can never be to sure. i would think for a long hard time before taking him back.

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