How can I help my 20 year old daughter to forgive her father who with good intentions always got her toys from the thrift shop instead of new when she was little? Now she feels worthless because she didn't get new things.
by 
Anonymous
ANSWERS: 20
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Slap her around for a few minutes. Seriously, as she works and has to earn a living she should figure it out herself.
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Why would she need to forgive him? At least she got something. There are many that get nothing. And many without fathers. I think, personally, that if she has issues about not getting 'new' things, she has her priorities screwed up.
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please....you daughter is being un-greatful....I rarely got new as a child and even now I get myself used sometimes if it seems worth it.....she should be thankful for the things she was given....and getting her to realize that she will have no reason to forgive him.
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tell her get over herself!!! millions of kids world wide never heard a thing from their dads. unless he could actually afford new toys and was only getting the ones from the thrift shops cause he didnt care she has no reason to be upset. if the thrift shop was the best he could do then she should appreciate, i am sure these gifts were to celebrate birthdays and christmas's and other such things she should be glad he remembered and took time to choose a present for her. she isnt a small child anymore where they dont understand things like money and budgets she is an adult and should appreciate that his heart was in it. sorry if that sounds harsh.
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Well - I'm not sure you can or even should do a whole lot. If she is 20 years old she is free to hold on to whatever grudges or resentments that she cares to for as long as she cares. You may wnat to explain to her once that whatever happened in the past is history and for whatever reasons things were done or not done to her liking she has a few choices - if an option speak to the one that gave her offense, understand that not everything that affected her was about about her. That often people do the best with what they know and / or got. Or she can continue through life with a ready excuse as to why she can't do better by herself and feel sorry for herself while her life is passing by.
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No serpent tooth is as painful as an ungrateful child.
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Tell her to get over it.Where did she get the idea that her worth is based on material things?
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Tell her she's just being silly. Did he beat her? Slap her? Call her names? Ruin her education on purpose? If not, she has nothing to complain about. He apparently tried to instill a little thrift and show that you can save money and have fun. She should be happy about that.
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there is more love in those thrift shop items then in anything new.
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I really think there is something wrong in this friggin world these days. Your daughter has a complex about not getting new toys, she can't seem to forgive her father for this. Well let me ask you this Mrs. Anonymous mother of the 20 y/o why weren't you out working and buying the damn new toys for her? I am very serious your daughter needs her ass whooped that would be a better reason for her to question her self worth rather then not GETTING NEW TOYS! Sorry folks but this question just really pisses me off!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Yea tell her to get over it, she's a big girl now. There's much more important things to worry about.
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I would just explain to her that there are very many of us whose "so-called" dads left when we were 4 and never bought us ANYTHING! Come on, I would have been thrilled to just HAVE a Dad! I realize that it was embarrassing (maybe) that her friends probably always got "new" presents, and she had 2nd hand stuff ... but, take it from us who had no Dad, at least she had someone who was THERE, and put a roof over her head, and made sure she was fed!
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No disrespect, but if your daughter's biggest problem is THIS than she really needs to get her priorities straight. And to be 20 years old and mad at your father for not getting you the best toys when you were young is really immature.
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Tell her to grow up already.
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Your 20 year old needs to thank her father for buying her what he could afford rather than go into debt for things he couldn't. My children grew up with garage sale finds. They were proud of them. Their clothes came from the thrift stores, and they picked them out. Our house was used; our car was used, but we always had food to eat and a place to live. They are now through college and have the money to buy new things and do you know what? Their furniture has come from consignment stores and their children's clothes and toys from garage sales. Their money is going into savings for their children's college. New does not indicate worth. Your daughter needs to be thankful for what she had. She also needs to have to spend her own money on things for awhile.
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were they nice thrift stare things? Did you make sure they were clean? Were you seriously poor? If these answers were yes then she is the one with the problem. Remind her that at least you tried and the price of the gift should not be an issue, it is the thought that counts. And then present her with a lovely BRAND NEW gift and you tell her how much you love her and you are sorry she she feels bad about herself and that you never ment to cause her pain.
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Um... tons of awesome things can be found in thrift stores, make her go to a good one and maybe she will realize that. God grief.
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Wow, tell her to seriously shut up. Many children would die for a father who got them toys at all! Or even for fathers who were THERE. What a spoiled brat!
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tell her it was so you wouldnt have to eat kraft dinner every day
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You are kidding right? She feels worthless because she got second-hand toys when she was a kid...Unbelievable! Does the brat realize that there are children in the world who have no food, no clothing, no place to live, no parents, no family, nothing for her to be bitching about second-hand toys. Perhaps, you should send her on a little tour of Palestine or Iraq or India or Africa, I betcha she'll come back with a different perspective and feeling much better about her second-hand toys! Americans! What a wasste!
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