My bf is a Iraq vet & has PTSD. He's verbally abusive to me and sometimes physically. My self-esteem has plummetted since we started dating & I've lost all of my friends. Whenever I bring this up he tells me his problems are worse. How can I make him see?
by 
missybee
ANSWERS: 21
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What makes you think that even if he could see he'd change his ways? You need to ask yourself why you are in a relationship that makes you feel this way. shouldn't you be with someone thats going to boost your confidance? not lower it? The way you have described this relationship does not sound very healthy to me...
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That's a difficult place for one to be, especially if you knew him before he changed so. I know. Here's an MSN group I found that might have some ideas/answers for you: http://groups.msn.com/AftermathofwarcopingwithPTSDtoo/welcome.msnw
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"He is verbally and physically abusive to me." "My self-esteem has plumetted". These are your answers. This guy is a walking time-bomb and needs professional help, which you cannot give him. Concentrate on taking care of yourself. Tell him you do not LIKE being abused and walk away.
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Being an Iraqi Vet is no excuse for his act and no reason for you to be with him. He is not your bf. Were he, you needed not to write this. He is brute, coward & sissy to treat 'his beloved', you, this way. My advice: kick him out or get the heck out. You will never make 'the animal', him, see anything. I am a man. It angers & abhors me to see a man behave like that. I will squeeze his balls until he promises never to hurt you. You deserve respect. Period.
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You can not change someone else! He can only change himself! YOU have to pull yourself up and demand respect by kicking him out of your life. No contact will help him change nor help you get your old self back. My father only changed when my mom kicked him out and he lost EVERYTHING! Then he had to pull himself out of the sand. My mom wasn't down there with him anymore.
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you can't...try counseling... but... don't get your hopes up. I'm sorry that is happening to you and him both (much more you though)
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If his problems are worse, he should get help for them. You should help yourself. Your first bit of help that you can do for yourself it to get yourself away from him. If he gets help you can come back. If he doesn't get help, you may never get the chance to come back. Abusers don't stop without help.
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Make him see? Make HIM see? Your the one that needs to SEE. Get away from him and try to get your friends back.
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He is not responsible for his illness. He IS responsible for his recovery. I am deeply indebted to him for his service in Iraq. We all are! Such service, however, does not excuse his behavior. If he is physically abusive toward you, then I think you should run. He needs to get some counseling. Only a trained professional can "make him see." I am not a doctor, however, he MAY benefit from medication as well. I empathize with the horror he endured in Iraq but what he has is a medical condition. You are paying the price for his current refusal to seek help. I would get out and find another man who will not physically and verbally abuse you. As a previous answer said, if he gets some help, you can always go back to him. However, I do not think you should sit around and wait for him to change. Without help, he never will. Good luck. If you feel comfortable, please post a comment on how things are going.
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Post dramatic stress disorder does not affect all service personnel who have been on active service.As a welfare worker I dealt with many different types of cases concerning this disorder.Some were aggressive,and some suffered from depression.Both cases are treatable and I would advise you to ask him to see his doctor who will be able to advise him of the best method of treatment which may involve counselling and medication.All the ones I dealt with made a slow but successful recovery.Some soldiers see some horrific things during active service and are mentally scarred,but with the right type of help they can recover to their normal self. If you live in the UK why not contact the Royal British Legion who will send out a caseworker to help him and advise him.If you live in the USA try Veterans Care USA.
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I'd try to get him some help. He needs to see a therapist, and possibly be put on medication to deal with his disorder. You shouldn't be punished because of his issues. At some point you have to tell him that he either gets help or you're out of there. You shouldn't feel bad for wanting to be in a better situation. My hat's off to you for staying as long as you have! Peace.
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He's abusing you? Leave. I cannot believe that some people on here are suggesting you find him some help! He's abusing you, and isn't going to change. Wake up! Never mind he's an Iraq vet, has stress disorder, nothing. His behavior is completely inexcuseable. Pick yourself up, and get your friends back. LEAVE HIM and don't look back. He's also being psychologically abusive to you, you saying you have a problem with the abuse, and him saying his problems are worse. He's the one causing the problem!
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dump or die
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Is he being treated for his PTSD? Admit to him his problems are worse, but that doesn't mean you are a punching bag. Show him IAVA.org for help. If he doesn't seek help and try to get better, leave immediately. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/02/us/02veterans.html?fta=y&pagewanted=all
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See what? That he is abusive? You can't make him see anything...That is HIS choice. YOUR choice is to stay and up with it or leave. If you get your self out of this, my advice to you in the future is never start putting up with anything you are not willing to put up with indefinately...or more frequently.
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Move out. He isn't going to see as long as you are there putting up with it. That may seem harsh, and believe me I support veterans, but I grew up in the home of a Vietnam Vet with PTSD and a host of other problems and I don't recommend bringing up a child in that environment. You'll just end up with both a husband and a child with PTSD and it sounds like you are suffering from it as well. He is going to have to come to terms with this and if you enable him to avoid coming to terms with it, he'll avoid it for the rest of his life.
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I'd be tempted to tell him ''Yeah, you have got a lot of problems. Now add this one to your list; I'm leaving you''. PTSD is a horrible, awful thing -- but that doesn't give him the right to treat you like dirt. I think you should give him a list of therapists or people who might be able to help him, encourage him to reach out for support and leave. If he's abusive then you might want to pack and leave while he's out, leave a note on the kitchen counter. It's not your job to be his doormat, he shouldn't be using you as a punch bag to relieve his anger. Any emotional or ethical obligation you had to help him ended the first time he raised his fist.
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You can't. He understands you no more than you do him. PTSD is one of those things you have to go through to understand, though he still shouldn't treat you that way. Girl, I feel sorry for you, I really do. Neither one of you will ever be able to understand what the other is going through and that doesn't make for a good relationship. If I were you, that is just what I would tell him.
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THAT honey, is not from the PTSD. A diagnosis of PTSD does not give someone carte blanche to treat others like dirt. If he's acting like this and blaming it on his PTSD he's just making excuses and would be acting the same way if he didn't have PTSD, get out while you can.
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you can never make them see, mine alomst killed me after two yrs i had to go to a church and sms dump him, so he wouldnt kill me, dont be scared once your out of his clutches he no longer has the power to humiliate you any more. my friends ditched me too which left me with a drug addiction and a very aggressive temper towards men. 7yrs later i have only made 3 new friends and that includes my new fiancee, if he is using abuse towards yu as n excuse to release his anger due to war, than hes just an immature little bitch, hes been in a terrible atmosphere and cirtical thinking and defacing can twist the ex-marines head but there is help for this kind of stress and taking it out on you, will only make you go so crazy they'll stop listening cos everyone thinks your exadurating as he is the one with issues etc which is true only to an extent, but its just a massive build up of mass hurt and betrayal that needs to be ddealt with before you both suffer so much its un fixable or un copeable
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I just saw a special on this, recently!!! Babies crying, and other sounds bring back memories of the war. He needs to seek professional help, probably family counseling, and it needs to be someone that specializes in this sort of thing!
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