One cannot cheat and still love the other person. it does not work this way. sooner or later, you will be discovered and living with the guilt will eventually destroy you. Lack of communication? well, apparently something was wrong and its too late now.

Yes it is possible for a man to cheat and still love the person they're with. love has nothing to do with cheating...is just that not everyone you love is going to please you the way you want to be pleased or in a lot of cases, women dont find the need to have sex constantly bacuase they want to base the relationship on something else like communication.

NO! If the husband cheats and comes back home to say “I love you” to his wife, he won’t be looking in her eyes. Which implies he doesn’t mean it. Why is reverse not true then?

Oh yes, a cheater can certainly love their spouse, they just don't love them enough to respect, cherish and care how they feel about being betrayed and lied too. A cheater will call it love, I don't. It's the cheater being selfish and self-centered because cheaters only really love 1 person - themselves.

Men cheat when there's something missing in the relationship.

No. A man cannot love someone when they engage in extramarital sex and risk getting a venereal disease and transmitting it to their spouse. Or for that matter is willing to risk impregnating someone other than their spouse. Consider the complications this would cause if the “other woman” wants to keep the child and expects some support from the father. Or if the husband brings home syphilis, gonorrhea, or aids to his mate. If a man loved his wife he would not risk it. I always say pay attention to what a person does, not what they say.

I think a person CAN cheat and still be in love with their spouse. When I was very young I did it. There were a lot of problems with my marriage. Plus I married too young. He was four years older than me. We met when I was 14. Started dating at 16..I loved him we were both virgins then and I pretty much threw myself at him. We got engaged at 18 and married at 20. Neither of us had seriously dated anyone else, nor had we slept with anyone else. On our wedding night he had said he didn't really love me or want to marry me, but didn't know what else to DO! I cried my eyes out and promptly FORGOT this tidbit of information, it hurt too much to dwell on. We took one week vacation the first year together, and every following year he went backpacking WITH THE GUYS from high school that he was still friends with. I was told I could come if I wanted to, but since I couldn't carry the amount of weight they did for a one to two week hike...it would RUIN their trip (have to take easier trails) if I did tag along...so I stayed home. I was young, I was emotionally needy, I was grateful and thrilled when a guy in a class I was taking started paying attention to me. I still loved my husband very much...but I was hungry for feeling that someone loved and wanted ME. I did confess, he forgave me, nothing else changed and I had a second affair. The guilt DID cause me to try and kill myself at 25/26. He forgave me again, and I left him for my boyfriend. That lasted four years and I kicked him out...due to increased abusive behavior. In retrospect....I wish I had simply left after I got the news on my wedding night, or before I ever had the first affair. I'm not happy that I was unfaithful to someone I loved. He wasn't intentionally mean to me, he wasn't even mean at all, just somewhat indifferent. We've both owned what we did wrong, forgiven each other and are still friends...I still feel a type of love for him...and I think he does me too. We always make time to see and spend together when I fly in to CA from PA, and we call several times a year to talk. I think sometimes people can be messed up in their minds, emotionally and make really horrid, bad mistakes. Something is wrong and you either have to bag the relationship and move on..ideally get your head straightened out...or work to resolve what ever is prompting you to cheat...and then work together to hold each other more dearly, and with more respect given to the commitment you have offered each other.

Apparently, in some cases, yes. British Minister Alan Clarke regularly cheated with large numbers of women, and yet appeared to love his wife deeply, as she appeared to love him. It is not an uncommon pattern for rich and powerful men to have mistresses and yet still to love their wives - or give a very good impression of it (no-one can really read the man's mind). Wealth helps here. If you are rich enough to support two "wives", it is possible to love them both. The problem comes when lack of funds mean that you cannot treat both of them properly. In Islam a man is allowed up to four wives *privoded* that he provides a separate house for each of them.

Cheating has more to do with a lack of respect, commitment, and self-control than it has to do with love or communication. What we do know is that people in the infatuation stage of love have a strong desire to only be with the person who is the focus of the infatuation. However, other stages of love are not characterized by this. We also know that it is not impossible to love multiple people simultaneously. Polygamy is a clear example of this.

I think ANYONE that cheats, really doesn't respect his/her relationship enough to say NO to cheating... I think people that cheat, enjoy what they are doing at the time, then realise holly crap what have i done,(not really regretting the moment) but are feeling guilty later on they MAY get caught. I know i have been tempted a few times in the past, but because i am happy in my relationship i respect my partner enough to say NO! I think all people have the potential to do the same, but choose differently. So when it comes down to it, if you cheat, 1 your not truely happy, 2 you dont respect your partner enough to say NO, 3 you need to end your relationship if these temptations are messing with your mind and 4 if you have been cheated on, and it is continuing you really need to re-evaluate your relationship. Life is too short, and if you spend every waking moment not trusting your partner, then your intuition is trying to tell you something........... time to move on.

Some couples fall into a marriage rut after a few years. The problem is a lack of communication. The cheating spouse is often afraid to ask for what they need in a relationship because their mate has either made it clear that they have no interest or might be hurt by a request for a change. The "cheating" spouse then feels guilty for his/her desires, withdraws further from his/her family, and will eventually seek either a divorce or an affair. This doesn't mean they don't love their spouse they just have an unfulfilled need. How do you tell your spouse, an ultra conservative mother/father of three, that you wish you could see them in a French maid outfit or could paint them with latex and tie them up just for fun. I know many of my female friends wouldn't be able to accept it, heck, they don’t even let their boyfriends watch porn. Then after he’s been smothered to near death and leaves them they don’t understand why. I also know there are many scumbags out there that cheat because they don't care about anyone but themselves but that particular type you can usually tell from the beginning of a relationship. I told my husband when we first married that he is welcome to be wih someone else if he feels that his needs are not met at home. I only ask that he practices safe sex and that he tell me. We have been together 15 years and he has never been with anyone else. He can't cheat on me because I keep the lines of communication open and so there is no reason to feel guilty. I also enjoy "spicing" up our love life often.

I think that anyone who cheats do ot love, cherrish or respect their partner

no, it means ur ready to move on

When you look at the word "cheat" it speaks volumes. Cheating means being unfaithful to yourself. If you are honest with yourself, honor yourself, accept yourself as you are, then you cannot "cheat" on anybody. You will be honest to yourself, which is most important. The cheating spouse is getting validation from others...because he/she feels a lack of personal validation. If you feel comfortable with yourself, then you don't need to look across the street to have someone say how great you are. Yes, the cheater can really love his wife but he is lacking in love for himself. Yes, there is a lack of communication...but it is communication with self. Why the need to cheat? If one feels comfortable with ones self then one is satisfied and comfortable and there is no need to look outside for validation.

You cannot truely love someone and cheat on them. Maybe in your perfect pea brained world, but not in real life. Lack of communication? Lack of respect and morals is more like it.

Yes. from what i know, there is a difference between love and like. he may love his wife for certain reasons (for example personality, but there may be different reasons for him liking other women. (physical attraction).

The man loves one person: himself! As far as communication goes, it went right out the window when he cheated.

Tough question. First we don't know if the other person loves us; we only know if we feel loved. If we don't feel love it doesn't matter if the other person loves us or not, it's irrelative. Lack of communication and the appreciation of the other person's feelings are a fundamental cause of infidelity.

No plan and simply no

people probably wont like this, but i believe sex and love are two different things. so therefore, you could love one person and sleep with another. love is an emotional need, while sex is purely physical.

who knows? ask the man

Martin Luther King Jr. regularly engaged in sex with women other than his wife. According to him, it was just sex. Who knows how long they would have been married if it wasn't for James Earl Ray. One of King's closest associates addressed rumors about King's sexual activities in his 1989 book, "And the Walls Came Tumbling Down." He said that King did have a weakness for women and engaged in extramarital affairs. He denied reports that he was attracted to white women and said he never knew of King to be involved with a white woman. As a part of its surveillance activities, the FBI did document some sexual encounters involving Martin Luther King.

Cheating doesn't sound like loving someone to me. . . Maybe he stays as he can't find a convenient escape. The relationship is an outlet for a crappy marriage. You don't risk an affair for someone you "love" right?

Yes, one can cheat and still love their partner, but at those moments where the cheater is doing so, they're putting their feelings before their partner's. It's selfishness to the extreme.

yes he can still be in love. I cheated once on my partner and have since parted, but my love for her was never in question. Her trust in me was lost no matter how much in love you are cheating breaks up families and that is it. I still love her to this day and she tells me she still loves me. BUT TRUST is the key

Loving someone is different for us all. Who are we to sit in judgment and say how someone else is feeling. We have not walked in their shoes and until we do we can not say NO! Loving someone is easy; being in love and staying in love is hard work. If you are "in love" with someone and have laid the ground work for your relationship, it is just that ground work. It is but a starting point for the relationship to grow and change. Like a garden it requires tending. Leave it unattended and weeds (needs) grow and take over. It is the natural course of nature. Right or wrong. We have all loved more than one person at a time. One love does not take from the next. Sometimes the person who is loved may think/feel so' but until you ask the person for the truth(your instincts will tell you if they are true)you will never know

I don't think that men in genral look at love and sex mutually exclusive. Women both love and fuck differently than men. And on a whole tend to see them as being connected to each other. A man can love Steak and Lobster for diner. He can have it every night but after a while it takes that cheap ass McDonalds hamburber to remind him just how suculent that steak and lobster are. It's when he starts treating you different less important or mean that you have to really wory but don't take my opinion as written in stone either,

To quote this Hispanic man in his 50's (now much older) Retired NYC Police Office ...(i was friends with his wife from christian congregation). "I may be married but my dick isn't" I think some people (men and women) are just devoid of any emotional attachment when it comes to sex, they are just in it for their own pleasure and the hell with their spouse.

"Cheating" is not a tick mark in the scale of "love," it is however a tick mark in the scale of "integrity." This means that someone who loves his partner but lacks in integrity, may have little or no respect for commitment, which in turn may cause him or her to cheat but not necessarily to love his or her partner any more or any less than he or she did before.

not too sure if communication has anything to do with it @ all. i truly believe cheating is a very individual matter. people do it for all different reasons. the bottom line i think it is very difficult to truly be in love with someone on every level and be intimate with someone else. relationships and people go through alot of different stages in life its truly where you are with yourself at the time when things can be rocky if you have the will to say no. everyone can cheat depends how strong you are to say no.

I think it's possible, but I also think people should have self-control. I also know that people are drawn to weaknesses. I'm not married to my boyfriend, but I have this all planned out in my head if we get married. If he ever feels the need to cheat, I hope I will get reasonably mad to show him that it hurts me that he does that and also think about what I can do to make myself be more appealing for him. That might sound way too much to some people, but seriously, if I think about it... I do want to please him. I love him. Why not? Now, if I love him enough to marry him, that means to me that I want to please him more than a regular girlfriend would. I'm just a stupid teenager, though. Don't listen to me. :) Yes, I still think cheating is wrong.... but so is lying, stealing, any kind of deceit..... we all make mistakes. It doesn't mean he's in love with another woman. It could just mean he's missing something or maybe wants to run away from problems or maybe..... the list goes on. There isn't one specific reason why people cheat. I've known people who cheat because they feel as though their partner doesn't love them enough or pay attention to them enough. One guy admitted to me that he's just stupid and wants to get as many girls as he can, but he really likes his girlfriend. He asked me what I would do if we were married and he went off and did stuff with some other girl. Seriously, you might think that guy is a LOSER, but I actually respect him for his honesty. Humans have weaknesses and some people have bigger weaknesses than others. Although I do hate cheating and I think it's wrong, I do understand that humans have weaknesses and it could have been me. I could have just easily cheated on my boyfriend if I wanted to. Will I? I hope not. I'm not going to say never because if it ever happens, I don't want to have lied. I don't think it will, though. This is a very good question, by the way.... it got me thinking A LOT. Thanks for that.

I have a question. I've known this guy since i was five years old. He's five years older than me. He went to London for five years and came down 6 months ago with a woman he'd been staying with in London for four years. They got married here in South Africa and because he'd been in London illegally he wasn't allowed back, however 6 months later his visa to return to London was approved. A week after he returned to South Africa his wife had to leave. A few days later he and i hooked up and started hanging out together. We've had a crush on each other since we were in our early twenties and our feelings for each other came back to the surface once he'd returned to South Africa. We had sex on a few occassions in the 6 months that he was here (he left to go back to London two days ago). On one of the occassions he told me that he loved me. Three nights ago he came over to my apartment and was drunk, again. We made love for at least 10 hours and he continously told me how much he loved me, that i will never know how much he truly loves me and that no matter what happens, he wants me to know that he will always love me. I knew at that time that he was leaving for London two days later, so couldn't understand why he was saying all this. When i told him he was lying he got upset with me and told me he wasn't lying. In the six months that he was here i sent him abusive text messages because i was angry at how he made me feel (he'd practically ignore me when sober) and i even insulted his wife, however he never stuck up for her, and my insults weren't exactly pretty. I have been told by some of his friends that they think he only married this woman so that he can live in London, as he really likes it over there. He is verbally abusive towards his wife (he was abusive towards her when she would phone him from London and get angry that she was phoning him), yet after all the abusive text messages that i'd sent him, he never ever became abusive towards me and told me that the things i'd said to him hurt his feelings. Now he's gone! Does he really love me?

I know there are going to be many especially amongst the male popiulation of AB who are going to disagree with what I am about to say but I am gonna say it anyway. Cheating especially multiple times in my humble opinion means the cheater is incapable of truly loving someone. When you honestly and truly love your partner they will always come first. Cheating is a sign of a very morally weak and selfish individual who only focuses on their own selfish needs and desires and could care less about the needs and feelings of their mate. It is impossible to claim love for someone then turn around and do something slimey and low such as cheating which shows no love for their partner at all. Lack of communication is a very poor excuse for cheating. I am sick and tired of hearing men and women crying about how their partner doesn't understand them and is not attentive to their needs. Grow the hell up already. Lack of communication in a relationship is an extremely poor excuse for cheating. If you really loved your partner that much you would find a way to communicate how you are feeling to them without having to resort to being a cheater.

NO!

Nope. Cheating means you just slept with and had sex with someone other than the person you are still married to.

i need answers here people!

It's possible. But several times? Damn! After a while it's a matter of respect or lack there of.

ive told this story many times on here. but here goes. I once saw this old couple at the hoover dam, phylis and dick. and after talking to them, and taking a photo of them (in which dick gave phylis a kiss on the cheek right as i snapped the photo), i found out they had been married 50 years on this day. I asked dick "how do you do it? how do you stay so happy?" and dick grabbed me and pulled me in real close and said...."You gotta Cheeeeeeeaaaaaaatttttt! cheaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!" i smiled, and walked away a wiser man that day.

No. Absolutely not. Love is respectful and careful of others feelings. A man may refer to whatever emotion he has as "love" but frequent cheating would not be most people's defintion of true love. Or... He MAY possibly "love" her, but obviously loves and indulges himself so much more who CARES if he "loves" his wife if he doesn't value her above the thrill of a frivolous fling? That kind of love is only self serving on his part and hurtful on his wife's behalf. Who the hell needs THAT kind of "love"? And no, as for the lack of communication. Cheating clearly screams "I don't care what you think unless I'm caught. It's all about ME." No lack of communication there. It's rather obvious.

I'm sure that he can because men can seperate sex and love. Does that make it right? NO. Why get married to someone if you can't stay faitfull. You took an oath, before God to be faithfull, if you can't hold up your end of the bargain, then don't put on the ring. I think men marry women to keep the women from going someplace else, this is a passive form of control. It's not a lack of communication,it's a lack of respect!

I don't think so....I think it means that he does not really love his wife at all.

some people cheat. Sometimes it has nothing to do with how much they love their s/o. That's why they say "once a cheater always a cheater"

It means he has a serious character flaw and the only way that can be fixed is if HE gets serious therapy and really wants to change. Men cheat for a lot of reasons however none are justifiable. If your marriage is not fullfilling you fix it and if you cant then end it...cheating should simply NOT be an option. It is selfish, harmful and will destroy an entire family. I wish my husband had loved me enough to tell me the truth and to get out. It would have hurt a lot less. That is NOT love. He was broken, it was him not me...but it took a long time to understand that.

There is an entire lifestyle to support the answer of yes... Many couples choose to sleep with other people "swinging" is actually very common. They still love each other very much, and it can infact strengthen a relationship considerably. However...swinging is done with both partners in agreement of the situation, and requires very good communications skills, respect and love. Someone who cheats on their partner may have their reasons for doing so, so I cannot pass judgement, however, this is a sign of lack of respect for their partner, and although they may actually love them there is some serious relationship issues that need to be fixed...

Ya think>>>> Hello, is there anybody in there?

If a man is interested in a woman other than his wife, or vice-versa one must consider things such as pregnancy and STDs. Is the reason that people get married today just so that they can be sure of avoiding STDs or pregnancy? Likewise, lovers can make sure there is no pregnancy or STDs. There is nothing wrong with decent men having another relationship; and nothing wrong with women who take lovers. Discretion is the byword. Grow up.

I believe that if anyone cheats on their partner, there is obviously something wrong there, and you can't tell me that if you love your partner that much, you would say that cheating is ok. It is completely wrong, and I think it is a total lack of respect for your partner.

Yes, definitely. I think a woman can cheat on her husband still love him too. But, love is sometimes not enough to keep a marriage going. Love and commitment are two very different things. What makes it possible for someone to cheat on their spouse or partner and still love them is if they do not attach emotional significance to sex. Even though I might be blasted for it, I do think men generally (but not always) tend NOT to attach emotion to sex, and women generally (but not always) tend to attach quite a lot of emotion to sex. With that said, I think it's generally true that a woman who cheats on her husband is far less likely to really still love her husband than the other way around. Cheating doesn't always mean a lack of communication - it also means that there is something (usually something physical, but not always) that someone just isn't or can't get out of their current relationship, and sometimes no amount of communication can fix that.

My hsband cheated on me last year, I found it he had been seeing this girl who was 17 yrs he junior for four months. Although I found hidden condoms everywhere, his truck tool box, in the garage. He swears he only had sex with her one time. He spent two weekends with her he admitted to, when at the time he said he was going on his motorcycle with his friends on a long trip. Going thru his cell records, I find out more calls to one phone number the year before, then he admits yes he was calling these two girls, but he says they were "just friends". We have been married almost 29 years now. I have never been with another man, never had the desire to. I chose to stay with him and give him a another chance. But he has never give me any details, on how he met her or even talk about it, if I bring it up he gets all pissed off at me. He tells me just to forget it and move on with our marriage. He doesnt understand I need to know where our marriage went wrong. I need to get it out of the way before I can truly move on. I will never forget what he did to me and our family. What can I do to get him to talk about it? and yes I find myself going crazy with this, searching his truck when he is asleep, going through the garage, checking the cells phone bills, I don't want to live like this. I also went and got tested for STD, but he won't. I do know that he has had at least three Urinary Tract Infections in the last two years. Would that mean he may have picked up some std? Can anyone help please?

Well he could have felt like your not as interested in him anymore so seeking someone else that shows you what you want makes you feel good. Or he just could have had the thought in his head that you were cheating so he went out and cheated to get back at you. He could really love you just not want you sexually which would be like the worst thing to hear.

I feel that when a husband shows lack of interest in his wife, that is a red flag. If wearing the french maid outfit , vinyl or stripping for your mate doesn't arouse him, you have a problem. When men make ED an excuse, there might be other problems. It is hard to know when cheating occurs...but there are tell-tell signs, annoyance with the person you are supposed to love, needing to go on separate trips, having friends who cheat. Maybe I am way off base, but those things have left me wondering about my husband. I would like thoughts from males as to if I am on target with my assessment.

I think so. It may just be he has a problem.

What causes a spouse to cheat is lack of morals. It takes a person of upright character to withstand the temptations of society. If a person does not trust in and believe in God they will follow what the world does. It is really that simple. Sometimes a person will commit adultery even when they know it is wrong. It is a lifestyle thing.

Actually I believe, Yes. I believe that we men do not necessarily attach a lot of emotion to the sex act. We can if we are involved with the partner, but often a Wham Bamm "Thank-You Mam", is all we need. Some G/F's, wives, partners can understand this and are more forgiving of "cheating". But these same women are quick to feel diferently if there's any evidence of an emotional attachment to the third party. Communication is a different issue.

i think cheating on your spouse mean that the person doesn't have no respect for his or her family and they just want to please their self and there feeling and also their emotions are not with the family basic they just want to feel good at the moment and doesn't care about tomorrow or the next day

Cheating means there is a total lack of respect. I'm a firm believer that a tiger doesn't change it's stripes....especially overnight. Game over..

I agree with some of the other answers, he can cheat and still feel that he loves his wife . That said, he can feel like he loves her but obviously is not in love with her . You make a commitment when you got married to love only her , to honor her and forsake all others . Even if you can live with the fact that now you have broken the trust she put in you . How can you say you still love her after you have disrespected her and lied to her that many times . P.S. Yes , not telling her still counts as a lie .

Lack of communication, maybe. Lack of respect... DEFINITELY!

Cheat = Deceit = Disrespect = NOT LOVE........ PERIOD.

Not lack of communication, lack of love. If you love someone as a spouse you know this is not the way to prove it.

He may or may not. If there are more than three affairs, chances are it's not something wrong in the relationship. It's something wrong in HIM.

As a man who cheated in a relationship not in my marriage, i would say yes. Most people think because a man is a man he supposed to be non emotional. Most married men want their marriage to work. For men in most cases it is a lack of communication whether on his or her part or it was communicated and she just didnt listen.

one of 2 things lack of caring, or lack of self control. men are programmed to take any reproductive chance. last time I had the opportunity to cheat I was shaking like parkinsens because my character conflicted with my nature. I love and respect my wife and she is the only person I have ever been with but that doesn't mean fidelity is easy.

in order to love someone, you have to respect and care for them, this means their feelings as well. Cheating is a direct violation of this. So no, you cant claim to love the one you betray. You may NEED them, but you dont love them.

Honestly, I can't see the connection there. I believe that if a man is truly in love with his wife, he won't step out on her. If that "true love" is not there, he will. The same goes for the woman. True love is hard to come by - very hard. I believe that being truly in love is a gift from above - a match made in heaven. Marrying and lacking that trueness to the meaning of love, leaves an opening for anthing to happen. Please, if your a man and you are not really in love with your girlfriend, have already cheated on her or have roaming eyes and have been smitten by someone else, don't marry her because you're already cheating. The same for the woman. Don't make the commitment. It's not worth it. All it's going to do is hurt someone at the end.

My husband did cheat on me it was back in sept it's very hard we did go for help but I'm still haveing a hard time with it. He still go's to where this slut work's everyday to get coffee i keep asking he to go some where else but he won't.I'm still unsure if he will do it again he has lied before what can I do ??? thank Barbara