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by Karaline on January 21st, 2007

Karaline

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What can I do to get my boyfriend back?We brokeup lastnight because one of his friends saw me bowling with my guyfriend on Friday night while he was at work.I didnt cheat on him But i did lie because I said i was at my cousins house.how can i get him back

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  • by Jessicax23 on January 21st, 2007

    Jessicax23

    there are 2 pretty big problems here, that may preclude you getting back together with this person.

    1) You felt the need to lie. This means there was already a trust issue - you didn't trust that he'd be ok with what you were doing.

    2) You lied. When you thought it wouldn't be ok with him, you disrespected him and his right to make that choice for himself (whether or not he was ok with what you were doing). It's an issue of respect, control, and trust. This is huge, and creates a permanent (or nearly permanent) problem on some level. Even well down the road, the memory of the lie will be there - even though it was a small issue to you.

    I wouldn't worry so much about getting him back, and focus on solving whatever issues you have with trust, respect, and control in relationships. If you get to a point where you understand how rude it was, and can give him a sincere and thoughtful apology, there's a chance you can work things out... but it will never be the same as it was, and you have to understand that.

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  • by Anonymous on January 21st, 2007

    Anonymous

    You may not have cheated on him, sexually, but its essentially the same. its called breaking the trust, he had for you.

    Looking at the situation you have described, why did you lie? you apparently wanted to be with this other person and went to the extreme to do so.

    Cheating comes in many forms. once you cross the line, you can never come back. you can, but your relationship will never be the same.

    What if you two married each other. while he is working, would you again be temepted to tell another lie, just to be with someone else?

    You have lost your trust your boyfriend had for you. will you get it back? probably not.

    From this day forward, your boyfriend will be forever "checking up" on you, because of that one major lie. i would not trust you.

    I hope your night of bowling was worth it.

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  • by tinybubbles is sitting on the carpet read on January 21st, 2007

    tinybubbles is sitting on the carpet read

    you need to give him time to cool off, you lied to him and he feels betrayed that you did what you did. If you love him, you would have tokd him the truth. his trust in you is probably shattered and he needs time. fi you don't have trust how can you have a relationship?good luck to you.

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  • by meikant on January 21st, 2007

    meikant

    well if my girlfriend said "oh im just going to my cousins house and watching some boring movie and having dinner" and then get caught with a GUY while i was at work, id be pretty pissed off, it just stinks of cheating.

    you could say you were going to sms you to say you were out bowling with an old friend but you ran out of credit or you could tell him that he was just a friend and didnt want him to be jealous and then you get to beg.... alot.... and i mean alot to get him back, and his trust! if you did get back you would have to do what you say your doing for along time and call him/be called by him all the time :) hope this helps

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  • by staffie on January 21st, 2007

    staffie

    tricky one. he probably thinks you were upto something because you lied. if i were you i would try to explain but it will be hard because you lied in the first place. he probably needs time to calm down cause i take it hes angry with you at the moment

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  • by Redhawk on January 21st, 2007

    Redhawk

    Start by being very honest with yourself. Prior to this event, were there other times you considered lying about where you were and who you were with?

    Was your Boyfriend normally jealous, or expressed the belief that neither of you should, or could go out to do things with a mixed group unless you were both going to be there? Or did he have "problems" with you even having a "Guy-friend?" Would you have any uncomfortable feelings had the positions been reversed? Is it fine with you if he goes out with a Girl-friend?

    As mentioned here, there's a whole lot about this that none of us know about. But YOU do know. Start there and consider why you chose to lie, and if your Boyfriend is normally rather "controlling" is that really someone you WANT to be with in a relationship?

    If you feel that you simply made a very bad choice, you can attempt to tell him that, if he is even open to hearing what you have to say, you might want to let him have a cooling off period.

    And also, after speaking your truth to him, do not bawl, whine, or badger him to forgive you, that's just annoying. Tell him you are sorry,* tell him you would like to try again and that you hope he may forgive you for lying. Then accept that the ball in in his court, and allow him to make a decision.

    * If you do feel it was YOUR mistake, do not play the old "I'm sorry...but YOU made me do this with your...blah blah blah." If there are personality traits he has that disturb you and you think you need to discuss them, by all means, if you get back together...DO discuss them, but don't muddy the waters of your apology by throwing HIS behaviors into the mix...if you are going to "own" a mistake...own it...you can clear up his crap at a later date if you need to.

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  • by bethany19651 on January 21st, 2007

    bethany19651

    start by not lying to him first then apologize

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  • by 19kid was born in89 on August 4th, 2007

    19kid was born in89

    do some work for him. we guys love when women do stuff that we don't feel like doing for us. (cooking, cleaning, homework e.t.c). that will show your loyalty, and get him to like you more. then hopefully he will get back with you.

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  • by beenaroundtheblock on January 21st, 2007

    beenaroundtheblock

    The really inportant question is why did you lie? If it was just a friend, why not tell your boyfriend? Did you already know he wouldn't like it? If you knew he wouldn't like it, why'd you do it?
    I'd say have some really good answers to those questions and be prepared to go through whatever it takes to rebuild trust - that could mean not getting defensive when asked lots of questions about your whereabouts and activities for a long time. Remember, you broke trust, and only you can earn it back and it won't be easy.

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  • by admin530 on January 22nd, 2010

    admin530

    Don't don't sweat it! Go here and find out how to make him eat from your hand and beg for you to come back! http://bit.ly/4t0FZT

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