I do not know the ins and outs of this relationship. you say 'my step child'. Are you step father (married to the mother) or step mother, married to the father and the kid only visits? If yo are step father/husband its high time to reconsider this marriage and seriously consider leaving ASAP, file for divorce if needed, or seek out couple's counseling (while you are out of the house). Claims of child abuse are very serious claims and can lead to your whole life being messed up, criminal charges are filed and its all over with. If you are step mother (married to the father) and the children are on visitation with the father you may want to take this up with husband, and get him to seek LEGAL recourse via an attorney (slapping the mother with a restraining order as a start, if not actually taking this up in custody court again). Again accusations of abuse are serious, very deadly serious and can lead to your life being 'messed' up. There is a lot of legal stuff here that must be addressed by a lawyer, the impact of such accusations can have serious criminal and civil consequences, and in some cases may be grounds to have her custody rights reconsidered. Get a lawyer and cover your butt legally NOW. Then work out the psychological issues. In all areas you want professional guidance, not mere 'opinion' from the peanut gallery due to the serious consequences that could take place.

You have more than one problem here. She's trying to defame your character and possibly alienate the child from the father. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQIXAjC_v50 Have you considered suing her for damages? These claims could affect future employment. Have dad write me at the address at the bottom on dealing with her. This is for you in being a stepmother. Here’s what needs to be discussed on stepfamilies. LIVING IN STEP-FAMILIES: PRE-MARITAL EXPECTATIONS Before any couple "ties the knot" they should talk about what they expect from each other and from their marriage. When the marriage will create a step-family, this is especially important. People considering marriage often have different ideas of what they expect from each other. Discussing expectations prior to taking that big step will help a couple set realistic goals and make realistic commitments to each other. This guide, designed specifically for prospective step-families, will aid you and your children in discussing ideas and making plans for a satisfying family life. Creating a successful step-family environment can have many rewards for its members, but it requires more than love and good intentions. Flexibility, commitment and realistic expectations will all contribute to a successful step-family. Developing realistic expectations involves understanding and accepting the ways a stepfamily structure differs from that of a first-time family. An understanding of these differences will help create a satisfying marital relationship and family life. A remarriage occurs only after a marriage ends, either through death or divorce, and dreams of marrying and living "happily ever after" have been shattered. Because of this, parents and children often must deal with feelings of sadness, anger, hurt and disillusionment. These feelings must be overcome before children and adults can trust and have faith in new relationships. Also, because the parent-child bond originated before the new couple's relationship, stepparents join a family that already has loyalties, traditions, and roles established. Stepparents sometimes feel like outsiders. Children in step-families have had to cope with the partial or complete loss of a parental relationship. There is a biological parent, in memory or in actuality, who is still important to the child, and who will have an influence on the new step-family. Children remember "how my mom did it when she was alive," or that "Dad always lets me stay up late at his house." Because children may spend time in two different households with different rules and expectations, they need to learn how to make smooth transitions. They may experience loyalty conflicts not realizing you can love two people (e.g., father and stepfather) in the same role. They may need to learn how to deal with the differences in values and lifestyles between the two homes. Another structural difference must be considered before forming a step-family. A newly married couple usually has time to get to know one another gradually and make marital adjustments before adding a child with the accompanying new roles and responsibilities of parenthood. With remarriage, one is a new spouse and a parent or step-parent from the start. Because of this added complexity, it is especially important to discuss expectations and make plans for the transitions involved. Such planning has the potential of reducing stress for the couple and their children. Despite the complexities, (and sometimes because of them), a healthy step-family can provide many rewards and satisfactions for step-family members. For adults, remarriage can provide a new opportunity to develop a satisfying intimate relationship. For children who have witnessed the failure of their biological parents' relationship through divorce or have experienced the pain of a parent's death, witnessing their parent's satisfying remarried relationship can renew their faith in close interpersonal relationships. PRE-MARITAL DISCUSSION QUESTIONS Personal Goals and Expectations Jobs Household Arrangements Financial Matters Children Relationships With Others Communication Sexual Expectations UNDERSTANDING YOUR ANSWERS Personal Goals and Expectations Jobs Household Arrangements Financial Matters Children Relationships With Others Communication Sexual Expectations THE CHILDREN References Currier, Cecile (1982). Learning to Step Together : A Course for Step- family Adults, Step-family Association of America, Inc., 28 Allegheny Ave., Suite 1307, Baltimore, MD 21204 Coleman, M. and Ganong, L. (1987). An evaluation of the step-family self-help literature for children and adolescents. Family Relations, 36 (1), 64-65. Mills, David M . (1984). A mode l for step-family development. Family Relations, 33, 365-372 Visher, Emily & Visher, John (198 2). How to Win as a Step-family, new York: December Books Email me at George_McCasland@yahoo.com to receive the full document.

There are so many levels here that it is difficult to cover everything in this forum. Expecially since there are so many additional details not known. (I'm not asking for additional details: these are personal and the decision to provide them is yours alone.) FIRST there is the issue of you and your spouse. Unfortunately, you have discovered (evidently the hard way) that marrying someone who is divorced with children brings with it a whole world of issues that you would otherwise not have to deal with. Additionally, there MAY also be other issues which complicate your relationship. Perhaps you were the "other woman" while he was married. Perhaps you were a friend or acquaintence of his ex prior to the divorce. Perhaps your hubby had a history of cheating while married to her. Such circumstances would contribute to her animosity towards anything having to do with you. His ex may also have had issues with trust before, may have had psychological problems, may have had physiological anomolies, and so forth which may have contributed to the divorce. Again, these would also contribute toward her animosity. At any rate, first and foremost in ANY marriage is the relationship between the couple. All else falls from this. If it is stable, then the rest of the marriage has a solid foundation from which to build upon. This includes raising children. So if you are to make your marriage work, then you and hubby MUST come to terms with this issue AS A COUPLE and work through it. (Along with all other issues.) You both must talk about this and figure out what to do and how to do it. You CANNOT be divided. It is EXTREMELY difficult to do this and it ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT HAPPEN ON ITS OWN! If you don't, there will be a wedge driven between you and hubby that will only drive the two of you apart and make you fail as a couple. SECOND, there is the issue of the step-child(ren). Regardless of what happens, who says what, who hates whom, blah, blah, blah...you (as a couple) ABSOLUTELY MUST be consistent in your standards when raising the child and teaching them such concepts as honor, respect, love, honesty, and so forth. This is hard enough to do without an ex, but with an ex (especially a nasty one) this becomes a truely challenging event. You CANNOT bad-mouth the ex. You CANNOT do ANYTHING which teaches the child to hate, despise, distrust, bad-mouth, or disrespect ANYONE. INCLUDING the natural parents OR step-parents. PERIOD! And, boy, is this gonna be hard! You may be faced with a child who gets this treatment from the ex (or ex's spouse) and therefore have to deal with it on your end, having to explain why they have to stick to being respectful, honorable, and so forth. Double messages everywhere! But the interesting thing about children that most people DON'T understand is that CHILDREN understand MORE than adults often give them credit for. And they certainly HEAR more than adults realize. If you provide the calm, respectful example to follow, regardless of the venomous behavior by the ex, the child WILL pick up on that. They'll still see the strife, the contridictions, the hatred. But if YOU and your hubby set the GOOD example, then they can SEE the difference and the best way to go. And they will choose that. But if you slip up and fall into the vicious spiral of hatred...the child will NEVER see the good example. And they will NOT have the choice a good example gives them to choose from. And their path will be carved in stone and the child will grow up bitter and hateful. AND FINALLY, there is how to deal directly with the issue you posted your question about. DOCUMENTATION, DOCUMENTATION, DOCUMENTATION. I cannot stress this enough. Anyone who makes such threats is dangerous to you and your marriage, not to mention to you legally. Keep a journal and document EVERYTHING that happens each day. This sounds like a pain in the *ss, and it is. What to document? Here's a list (not all inclusive): -All routine daily events. When the family gets up, goes to work eats breakfast, goes to school, and so forth. -Summary of other things: how well the child did in school, any problems with homework, problems at school, who you talked to about it, if the child feel down and acraped a knee, when new teeth come in, doctor's appointments, and so forth. -If there were any interactions with other people over certain events, record the person's name, contact information, what you talked about, and anybody else mentioned. The goal here is to have a record daily events that you can refer to at any time should anything come up in the future. For specific accusations, this can be invaluable in showing you're being responsible, in refuting false accusations, and so forth. An attorney can build an amazing defense from this kind of information, if the need arises. Speaking of attorneys, you and hubby ought to seriously consider having one on retainer and briefed on this problem. This cannot be stressed enough either. An attorney can give you lots of legal advice on how to set yourself up for success should legal action be required. In addition to being able to provide information about specific events, being able to prove the majority of accusations false shows a history of credibility: good credibility for you and hubby, bad credibility for the ex. Which means that if she shows a HISTORY of wild accusations, then FUTURE accusations by her will suffer a lack of credibility which will work against her. Child protective services (much as I do not like them for personal reasons), may be called in and their FIRST priority is for the child, regardless of what's happening. They will look at a lot of factors, including your ability to maintain a clean home, provide proper diet and dress, schooling, blah, blah, blah. As well as look for evidence of some kind of abuse. The one thing they absolutely HATE is to take an action based upon false information. They must serve to protect the child, yes. But they also realize that someone who uses them as a weapon is also actually provideing an extremely disruptive environment to the child, not to mention making a fool out of them in the process. They do NOT like that. So BE a good step-parent at ALL COSTS. And make sure you and hubby are working really hard at your marriage. And good luck.