Over the years, stress of kids and work will push alot of ppl away. Get a baby sitter and go out a few nights to try to get your fire back. Do some things that meant alot to both of you when you started going out, remembering the good times. Set a side time every night 15min, right before you go to bed to talk about each others day to build that connection back. Do something for him you havn't done in a while. Try to get some alone time and show him what he fell in love with. Good luck!!

I'm sorry you guys are going through this. All of the basics are still in place, there still is hope! Ask him how you can be this friend he says he needs you to be. I suspect he's feeling that your attention is stricly focused on the kids and he feels neglected. Men are funny and I wouldn't presume to claim understanding of them, but if you want to save your marriage, you'll need to wade through some of the man-speak. Try a get-away weekend. Or go for couples therapy. Don't beat yourself up, being a mom is a demanding job, it takes enormous energy. Good luck!

He told me he wants some of the "clutter" out of the house. Which I have done over the past few days. It is hard to keep the house spotless with two kids. He is going through a period of no work (construction and owns his own business). He feels I take him for granted. Sex is great and often but he says he wants the love/friend when he gets old and he can no longer function *sexually*. :-) I thought we were best friends and this has just floored me how he has changed so much so quick. He spends his weekends with a friend he ran in to over the summer from back in the day all the time or they are on the phone at all hours. He says he is falling into pieces. He feels he is in this alone and has three kids instead of two even though it was his decision as well for me to stay home. He has lost weight I have lost weight. He said he is attracted to me physically but there is just something missing and he doesn't know what it is. He wants me to decide what I want to do with my life and not just be a mom. Go out with my friends do anything without him. I worked it out so the kids would be gone tonight-New Years Eve and he told me to go out with my friend. I want to be with him. He is just pushing me away, and he says that I have been doing that for months - even said the last two years. Where have I been - he has always wanted me home and now all the sudden I have been wrong in all I have done. He said we are fixable but he still leaves in the evening and goes to either a bar with his friend (who has been separated for a short time) or to his friends brothers house. He said he can't stand to be at this house, he didn't say with me just here. Him not having money in his pockets kills him because his dad has had to help us make ends meet. Is is a major depression? He has always drank beer but not to excess. He has been drinking more lately. Is it someone else? I am lost and not sure what the next step should be.

LISTEN I HAVE PASSED THROUGH THIS SITUATION AND IT IS QUITE A COMMON PROBLEM WHEN TIME PASSES ...YOUR HUSBAND SEEMS TO BE IN THE BEGINNING OF A DEPRESSION AND STRESS...YOU JUST TAKE EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED...I DO NOT THINK YOUR HUSBAND IS SEEING SOMEBODY ELSE,IT IS A MATTER OF DEPRESSION...CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR AND HE MIGHT HELP...THE DOCTOR HELPED ME IN YOU SIMILAR SITUATION AFTER A FEW WEEKS IT ALL CAM BACK TO NORMAL

It could be a few things, one the old friend is in the picture, and maybe he is wishing he could be single like him, so he can pick up girls. It could be he is going through midlife crisis. He could be depressed. I would like to know how he affords to go drinking every night, when he has no money? Do you not want to work? I know what you decided earlier, I mean now. He is pushing you away, of that there is no doubt, Maybe you should hire a babysitter one night and see what he is doing. I being a smartass, would show up at the bar, order ad drink and start dancing, when he ask what I think I am doing I would say getting a life like you told me, this is what you do so it should be perfectly fine. He sounds like a selfish self centered person, I honestly think you shouldnt stick around for his subtle abuse, If he is soooooooooooo miserable why hasnt he moved out? He has mentally just hasnt physically yet.

Something IS missing...his wishes that your relationship would be exactly the same as it was the first wonderful days, months, years of your being together. He doesn't fully undertand that those can never be re-captured...but that your matured relationship, different, can still be magnificent. Without emotion, take the risk of asking him if he has ever met a woman at work, among all your friends, at a club or bar, or wherever, who he feels would be a better lifetime mate than you have been or ever would be. Don't ask him to give you an answer...but just to seriously ponder it. Unless your relationship is seriously flawed, and he is just not feeling sorry for himself for this period of time, chances are he'll come up with a total blank. In fact, he'll consider all the women he know that he would NEVER, EVER want to be with...and you'll very likely take on a new and brilliant glow to him. I've very privately asked that question of myself many times throughout my 36-year relationship, and I have NEVER found ANYONE who I'd rather be with than my spouse. It has served to get me back on track when certain short-term events weren't going "perfectly" and I was "searching" for the impossible perfect life. I SO consider myself fortunate to have been blessed...and I learned not to treat that good fortune casually or cheaply. Finally, be grateful that your husband was man enough to tell you of his current angst...rather than let it fester to a point of no return. For all your sakes...you, your husband and your beautiful children...I DO wish you well.

you said he "goes to a bar with his friend who has been separated for a short time" Isn't this friend spoiling him, feeding him with his own negative ideas about marriage? Maybe he wants to be a bachelor all over again! or is it the work pressure on him or maybe its financial (he sees you as a burden that must be fed & dressed like a child) I apologize for the last remark but some guys think that way when they are the only breadwinners in the family (especially when he called you "a kid" & "be independent" it might be an indirect way of saying "go out & work!" The friend that he speaks with on the phone is she a (attractive and/or seducing) woman? If non of these then you two should see either a couples therapist or he should see a psychiatrist. perhaps you should stop getting too much involved with your children & (unintentionally) ignoring him. anyway these are all speculations. It would be better for you to arrange a "special" time with him some day & ask him to make clear face-to-face what is in his mind.

Yeah, he sounds depressed and meeting up with the friend has shaken him up. It wouldn't matter what you do, he would find fault and that is often what guys do when they are depressed. If you go back to work, then he will probably say you're neglecting the kids and the house. Is there anybody in his family you can talk to if you can't get him to go to the doctor to get his state of mind checked out? Depending on his age, could he be going through a mid-life crisis (some guys go through one even as early as in their 30's).