ANSWERS: 44
  • ill start, "wanna hear a funny joke...womens rights!" or "whats worse then ten dead babies in one trash can? one dead baby in ten trash cans."
  • what does a racist sprinkler sound like??? spic spic spic spic CHINK nigga nigga nigga nigga
  • What do apples and black people have in common?..........."they both look good hanging from a tree... .....also.... who was the most famous Jewish cook?......Hitler Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?.... A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven..... Those are BY FAR the most horrible jokes i've ever heard..
    • mushroom
      How does a Holocaust survivor play "Jewish Bingo"? He lifts up his sleeve.
  • Guy walks up to a beautiful lady on the street,he says,"Hey miss,can I smell your pussy?"She replied,"You may certainly not!"completely offended. "Well,"he said,"Sorry Maam,It must be your feet I smell then." Horribly Offensive Joke!!!(and NO I have never told it.)
    • mushroom
      A blind man walks past the fish market and says "Hello, girls!"
  • This one may be context-sensitive. One day when I was in the Navy, I was on a working party and we were talking about how much we loved our jobs when I chimed in with, "The government is an equal opportunity employer; we're all Uncle Sam's Niggers!". Note - The abbreviation for the Navy is USN. Compare Uncle Sam's Misguided Children (USMC) Note 2 - I was the only white guy in the room. Fortunately the other 14 guys knew what I REALLY meant by that....
  • What's xyz's favourite film? Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Black
  • Whats the difference between a blond and a 747? Not everyones been inside a 747
  • Bush and Blair
  • An alter boy one day asks the father if he can have $3.50? The father tells him what is it for? The alter boy replies sorry I can't tell you father. The father then says well I can't give you the money then. Three days goes by and now the alter boy is desperate, and asks the father again if he can have $3.50? The father again replies for what? So finally the alter boy says its for a blow job. The father then scrathes his head and looks at the alter boy and replies "whats a blow job"? The alter boy then replies go ask mother superior. So the father goes to the mother superior and asks "whats a blow job"? The mother superior replies, $3.50
  • They have weapons of mass destruction.
  • We do Women worship Jesus?.... Because he's hung like this (Hold arms outstretched to show how he's "hung")
  • What the difference between a cadillac and 1,000 dead babies? -I don't have a cadillac in my garage! (Isn't that REALLY offensive...? *shudder*)
  • A guy walks into a whore house and tells the head lady there that he only has five bucks and if there is whore there for that price? The head lady says yes and with that she yells, Burtha come down here. So here comes Burtha, 225 pounds of big woman. So they get their room and things start. After five minutes goes by, the man tells Burtha if she could do something to get it a little more moist down there? She replies yes then walks to the bathroom. She then comes back and the guy hops on her again and this time its really moist and he cums. He then asks her what she did to make it so wet, she replies, all I had to do was pick my scabs.
  • A guy is down on a girl giving her oral sex. After 5 minutes goes by, he starts gaging and spits out a carrot. He then shrugs it off, and goes down on her again. 5 minutes later, he spits out an onion. He then shrugs that off too cause he is so horny and starts again. 5 minutes goes by and this time he spits our a tomato piece. He finally can't stand it anymore and tells the woman, hey after eating you the last 15 minutes I came up with a carrot, an onion, and a piece of tomato, whats going on? The woman replies, Oh I'm sorry I forgot to tell you that the guy who I had last night got sick.
  • I don't tell horribly offensive jokes...and I stop people who are telling me them...sorry, this is an honest answer...
  • I don't like this kind of joke, but here it goes: "Did you hear the one about a black kid who had diarrhea? He thought he was melting...
  • Why are blacks so tall? Because their nee grows.
  • 4 Black Ladies who are real good friends get in a car wreck one day and all die. So now they are standing outside the pearly gates of Heaven and here walks out Jesus. He tells the ladies to please form a straight line and answer his questions truthfully or they will not get into heaven. So Jesus asks the first lady, did you ever touch, play, or have anything to do with a mans penis. The first lady replies yes I touched my boyfriends on several occasions. Jesus then tells her to go to the holy water fountain and rinse her hands then she may go into heaven. Lady number two walks up to Jesus and he asks her have you ever fondled or did anything crazy with a mans penis. The second lady replies yes many times I touched my boy friends penis too and played with it. Jesus then tells her to go to the holy water and wash your hands then you too may proceed into heaven. All of a sudden, the fourth lady jumps in front of the third lady. Jesus looks at her and says why did you cut in line? The lady replies: well Jesus I want to go over to the holy water and wash out my mouth before my friend back there sticks her butt in it.
  • Q.What's the definition of "bonus?" A. You're fucking a pregnant woman and the fetus gives you a blow job Q. What should you do if your epileptic grandma is having a seizure in the bathtub? A. Throw in some Tide and a load of dirty clothes. Q. How to you make a cat go "woof?" A. Douse it in gasoline, light a match, and "woooof!" Q. How old is "old enough?" A. Hey, if they're crawling, they're already in the right position! those are just some of the sickest and CRUELEST ones i can think of
  • Lost Your Cat? Try looking under my rear tire.
  • A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender hey give me a beer I'm celebrating today. The bartender tells him great what are you celebrating. The guys says I got my first blow job today. The bartender says great let me buy you another beer, the guy goes nah one beer should be enough to rinse the taste out of my mouth.
  • Whats the difference between a bench and a black man? The bench can support a family. What's the first thing a Jew does when his best friend leaves his house? Check the couch he was sitting on for change! I remembered I have a black man in my family tree...he's out there hanging off it right now!
  • A gay guy is at a party with some friends and all of a sudden this big tall good looking guy comes walking in with two nice beautiful girls by his side. The gay guy tells his friend wow that stud is a fine specimen of a man. His friend tells him forget it, the guy is straight and he is a doctor of proctology. The gay guy replies, so what I got to have him and I will get him. After a few days goes by, the gay guy makes an appointment with the Dr. of proctology. So the gay guy is sitting on the table in his white gown and the big tall good looking Doctor walks in and tells the gay guy, sooooo, what seems to be the problem. The gay guy tells him that the last few days he has noticed that his butt doesn't feel right and he thinks something might be stuck inside of it. So the Doctor puts on the gloves and tells him to bend over so that he can take a look. The Doctor then sticks his finger in the gay mans butt and says you're right, there is something in there that I can feel. So the Doctor pulls harder and all of a sudden he pulls out of the gay mans butt a long stem rose. So the Doctor tells the gay guy my God its a long stem rose, the gay guy replies, yeh, read the note.
  • One day Margie asks her good friend Merna, who goes shopping with her every week at the same market, what she feeds her husband for lunch so that she could get some new ideas to feed to her husband since her husband was starting to complain about his meals. So Merna said, if I tell you my secret, you have to make sure no one finds out. So Margie replies, you can trust me. So Merna tells her I feed him canned Alpo dog food and he just goes crazy for it. I have been giving him that daily for years now and he has no clue. Margie then replies Oh my God Merna, you have to stop that or he will surely die from it. Anyway, the following week comes up and Margie notices that Merna is not at their favorite market. So she goes home and calls Merna on the phone and questions her on why she wasn't at the market today. Then she hears Merna crying and she tells Merna what is wrong? Merna then tells her that her husband died last night. Margie then replies, you see Merna I told you that dog food would surely kill him. Merna then says, no it wasn't the dog food that killed him. You see, when he was sitting on the couch last night he bent over to lick his balls and he fell over and broke his neck.
  • Knock Knock Who's there? Baby boy blue Baby boy blue who? Baby boy blew Micheal Jackson.
  • This is one I heard a looooong time ago: Why do black people smell ? So blind people can hate them too !
  • -How do you know if a chink robbed your house? Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the chink is still trying to back out of your driveway! -What do you call a fat chinaman? A Chunk! -Mike -What do you call a guy with his hand up a camels ass? An Afghani mechanic! -Why aren't there any Wal*Marts in Afghanistan? Because there's a Target on every corner! -How do you get 100 jews into a car? Throw a quarter in it. How do you get them out again? Tell them Hilter is driving. I saw these. They don't reflect my opinion AT ALL. Now I feel bad :(
  • Wait, give me some time, I will think of one!
  • A girl asks her father if she can borrow the car to go to the mall one Saturday morning. He says, "Sure, but you know what you gotta do for it." She gets down on her knees and proceeds to give him a blow job. She stops and says, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit!" He says, "Yeah, your brother borrowed the car last night." That's the worst one I dare type.
  • These jokes are real good but tasteless.
  • Q. What's the only animal with an arsehole (asshole if you're American) in the middle of it's back? A. A police horse
  • Dam these jokes are nasty but funny!
  • One day a guy asks his friend on how could he tell if he was gay? His friend replied, go see this doctor of mine, he is very good at recognizing guy people. So his friend goes to his friends doctor and tells the doctor if he can tell if he is gay. So the doctor tells him yes I can but I have to perform a test first to be sure. So the guy tells the doctor okay. So now the Doctor tells him to get undressed and to please bend over. So the guy gets undressed and bends over. The doctor then tells him that if he makes a sound like an animal, then he is not gay, but if he starts to sing a love ballad, then for sure he is gay. So the guy agrees to the test. The doctor then slips one finger into the guys butt and all of a sudden the guys goes mu, but then the doctor then slips two fingers in the guys butt and the guys goes mu mu mu, but now the doctor finally slips all four fingers in the guys butt and the guys goes mu mu mu moon riverrrrr.
  • what better than a dead baby in a trashcan? 1 dead baby in 8 trashcans. what do you do when your baby gets stuck in the toliet? you flush it again. how do you get a baby to crawl in a circle? nail its hand to the floor. how do you get it to stop? nail its other hand down. whats the difference between a pile of meat and a pile of meat? i dont skullfuck the meat before i eat it. what is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? i dont have ferrari in my garage. how many babies does it take to paint a wall red? it depends on how hard you throw the babies.
  • Q. What's the difference between a child molester and a pimple? A. A pimple doesn't come on your face until you're at least fifteen. A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?" "Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!" The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home." Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher." "That's right, Dad." "Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for." "That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me." Two women were in the waiting room of an obstetrician and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. One stopped and takes a pill. "What was that?" asks the other. "Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy." She takes another pill. "What was that?" "Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong." She takes another pill. "What was that?" "Thalidomide. I just can't get the arms right on this fucking sweater!" Did you know that in 1980, there were two million battered women in the United States? And in 1995 there were almost three million battered women? And to think that all of this time I've been eating mine plain! A new mother is waiting in her hospital bed to see her baby for the first time when the doctor comes into the room holding it. Suddenly, the doctor dashes the baby to the floor and begins jumping up and down on it. "Stop, stop!" sceams the mother, "what in God's name are you doing?!" "April fool," laughs the Doctor, "he was already dead!" Those are sick and TWISTED...sorry for the cursing but i copied them from my collection...
  • What does the Mafia and eating pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue and you are in deep shit.
  • Man walks into a brothel in Amsterdam and explains he only has 5 euros to the woman at the counter...she directs him to a room where he finds a beautiful woman lying naked and ready for him on the bed...he starts at it but every time he thrusts she spits in his eye...he protests and says it not his thing but she keeps doing it so he storms out and down the stairs to the counter...after explaining and demanding his money back the woman leans behind her and shouts out.'Norman! George! The corspe is full again.'
  • What was the best thing about J.F.K.'s assassination? Finally some of his brains rubbed off on her.
  • everybody loves SEX thers good SEX fast SEX phoneSEX straightSEX kinkySEX analSEX oralSEX and for people with a face like yours thers WANKING
  • AnswerBag was ending!! Haha! Really I don't know one.
  • AnswerBag was ending!! Haha! Really I don't know one.
  • Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To show the opossum it could be done! I'm so lame :(
  • What is Helen Keller's favourite Christmas song? "Do you hear what I hear? Can you see what I see? Do you feel what I feel?"
  • How do you get a 100 jews into a car? 2 in the front 2 in the back, and the rest in the ashtray. or throw in a nickel. How do you get them out? Tell them hitler's driving. This is harsh, but not so much if you look at it non-racially (hard to do...) Another one non-racial. Three guys in a desert walking. It's blazing hot and they find an oasis. Sweet! they say. The first guy goes up and rings the bell, an old lady appears. He's baked and says, PLEASE! I NEED WATER! The old lady looks at him and says sure, but on one condition; the guy says ANYTHING! Old lady says, Only if you have sex with me! the first guy ran away. second guy comes up, rings the bell, old lady appears. same question, and same answer. the 2nd guy ran away. third comes, same ordeal, but he agrees! so the guy tells the old lady that he likes dirty sex, and he ties the old lady up and blindfolds her. he runs downstairs panicking because he doesn't want to do it with her...so he looks in the fridge...finds a fresh ear of corn! butters it up and takes it up stairs...after doing the old lady with the ear of corn he tosses it out, disgusted. the lady exclaims that it was SO good, that if he does it again, he can have everything, the mansion and all. so he agrees, and runs back downstairs. gets another cob of corn, butters it up and does her with it. tossing it out when he's done. he then kicks the old lady out and finds his two friends in the desert. his two friends are laughing at him, puzzled he asks why?! his two friends respond, "Dude while you were in there doing the old lady, we found these TWO FRESH EARS OF CORN!" :-P thank you thank you

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