My husband's secretary is married, yet she quite blatantly flirts with him. Even though I trust my husband and he tells me when she does inappropriate things, it makes me very uncomfortable. What should I do?
by 
Miss Awesome
ANSWERS: 16
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Talk to her about it. I don't get why people find it so hard to just ask, or to just say what they feel. Don't leave anything out, either, nothing is irrelevant. So say to her, I want to be happy with what my husband is doing at work, and his reports to me about you make me unhappy and uneasy, so could you please stop flirting with him because it makes me feel very uncomfortable, even though I trust him 100%.
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If your husband knows about this then he should be taking care of it. It is his work place.
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Tell him to fire her. If she has poor personal integrity in one area (being faithful and appropriate in her marriage) she has integrity problems in a lot of other areas.
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If she's doing inappropriate things, she should be fired.
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I think it's your husband's place to set her straight. He doesn't have to do it in a confrontational way, nor does he have to bring you into the discussion which would probably make things even more uncomfortable. He should just indicate that he doesn't feel comfortable with her flirting and would prefer to keep things on a friendly, yet businesslike level.
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Number one, don't make him feel like an idiot for talking to you. That is, don't take any steps on your own such as calling her or confronting her, and don't make any unreasonable demands on him such as that he fire her, discipline her or transfer her. Be thankful that your relationship is so strong -- and your husband apparently so much above cheating on you (or her husband) -- that he *will* talk to you. Flirting isn't such a bad thing. It may be that she knows she can flirt "safely" with him because he won't pursue her. He sounds like a good guy; I'd be thanking my lucky stars if I were you. Smile and say nothing; you can't control other people, and you'll come to grief if you try.
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if your husband isn't taking it anywhere you shouldn't worry about it and if her behavior is really inappropriate, she should be fired.
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He could probably shut her down cold by not accepting her attention. Even a big ol' flirt is embarassed when their advances arn't appreciated..or even worse..openly mocked and disrespected! He doesn't even need to confront her..just roll his eyes at her often enough in front of the right people. Her true colors will show and eventually she will probably sink her own ship.
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Some women are just flirty - that is, if she flirts with men other than your husband too. If not, tell your husband to tell her to cut it out. I'm surprised he hasn't done that already. If she persists, talk to her yourself and say that her come-ons offend you. If she still doesn't stop, encourage your husband to fire her. If this causes friction in your marriage, you have all the right to suggest this, as she has no business making you feel uncomfortable with your own husband.
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Part of me thinks your husband likes the attention. I also wonder why he tells you if he knows it upsets you? He is the one who has to stop it or let it continue, the ball is in his court. If he knows it makes you uncomfortable, he should stop her actions.
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In these kinds of situation I just have to say get a grip!! This man is your husband , if you don't trust him, tell him, if he responds in the right way, and you feel with your heart he isn't lieing then trust him. This woman is probably just desperate, and are you just feeling tetchy because you are insecure? has he given you reason not to trust him? Some people will always act inappropriately, maybe she has a really shitty, life and nothing to look forward to?
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He should get a new secretary! What's the point of all this stress and bad feelings. Just tell him you'd prefer if he hired a little old lady!
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tell him u dont like it and u wish it doesnt happen... and tell him u really do trust him but u dont trust her one bit... and leave the rest on him... he might find a new one... just because u dont like it
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I personally think it's something that he needs to take care of. He needs to be the first one to let her know that it is unappreciated and inappropriate and if it doesn't stop she won't have a job. If it doesn't work and you want to make your presence known in the situation...have fun!
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"Yup, there's something going on!!"
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Go flirt with HER! See how she likes it!
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