ANSWERS: 100
  • I am in a similar situation, both from your point of view and his. Some relationships end well enough to leave both people friends, and often better for the experience. While jealousy is natural and expected, you must measure your love and trust for him. If you cannot trust him he is not worth loving. And while, if you want to be a good partner, should not choose his friends for him, you are free to give your opinion, short of nagging. If he truly values your feelings he will at the least limit his conversation and be completely open about the encounters he does have.
  • I'm going through the same situation. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 and a half years, we've been living together for 2 years. The problem is, he was with a woman before me, and she had 3 kids (NOT his, by the way). So he still keeps in contact with the kids. Everyone I've spoken with (his family, my family, friends) all agree that if he wants to make our relationship work, he needs to leave them in the past. But he refuses to. I happened to be looking at our cell-phone bill this weekend and noticed that there are not only calls to her house, but also her cell-phone...which means he's not only still talking to the kids (who are in their late teens, early 20's....and my boyfriend is 31)....but he's also calling her. One call was at 10:20 PM..on her birthday...and he tried to tell me he was just trying to get ahold of the kids.....bottom line is...it's disrespectful and I know I deserve better than that...I don't deserve to be treated that way...when you have a relationship with someone, you shouldn't have to worry about the ex...it should be buried and done with...but if neither one of them are willing to leave it alone, then neither one has really ever moved on...my problem is...what has the last 5 and a half years been for us? With her STILL in the picture, I think I'm on a completely different page than he is....that's what hurts.
  • I'M GONNA BE REAL WITH U. MY SITUATION IS REAL CRAZY BECAUSE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH 2 BABY MAMA'S FOR THE MAN I LOVE. HE HAS CONTACT WITH BOTH OF THEM I'LL SAY SOME CONTACT NECESSARY AND UN-NECESSARY. I AM A FAIR PERSON BUT I TOO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE UN-NECESSARY CONTACT. I TRY TO EXPLAIN MY FEELINGS OF DISCOMFORT AND HE CLAIMS THAT HE WILL ALWAYS HAVE TO BE IN CONTACT WITH THEM BECAUSE OF THE KIDS. I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HIM THAT HIS CONTACT IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT THE KIDS AND THAT'S WHAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH. IT SEEMS TO GO ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER. BOTTOM LINE I'M AT A POINT WHERE I FEEL VERY DISRESPECTED IN MY OWN RELATIONSHIP TO A POINT WHERE I WANT TO LEAVE. MY HEART JUST WON'T LET ME RIGHT NOW AND THAT SUCKS. ALL I CAN SAY IS THIS SOMETIMES AS WOMEN WE DO WHAT OUR HEARTS TELL US WHEN MAYBE WE NEED TO THINK LOGICALLY WITH OUR MINDS.
  • i am in the same situation me and my bf has been together for a year. sometime s we're apart for several months which is when they talk the most he says their only friends but for some reason i think its more than that. definitely keep ur eyes and ears open theres more to the situaton than he's telling you.
  • Lighten up - you don't get to own someone and controil their behaviour just because they are "your boyfriend".
  • Not much you can do besides leave him. I mean, he's totally trampling on your feelings here. Is that acceptable? Not at all. If you've expressed your feelings to him and he continues to do it anyway, well... is that the kind of person you want to be with?
  • i think you already did your part by letting him know that you dont fancy the idea. im sorry doll but not much ucan do now
  • I know its hard but you should except it. Its better than them arguing and him being in a bad mood all the time because of it. As long as you trust him, im sure everything should be fine =]
  • tell him to choose between you and her if he chooses his "freindship" then he really didn't care about you much then you will habe your answer
  • I talk to my ex and have been friends for years, my partner wasn't to happy when they eventually met but thinks he is ok, but if ever he felt threatened about me talking to him i would, in an instant dismiss my ex as my relationship is way to important!
  • Get over it or get a new one.
  • Im seeing the same problem i have been facing for months and months. Just yesterday I decided to break up because after a stupid situation that i lived for a 4th July party were I had to be at the same house barbecue with his ex and her new boyfriend, minutes after she leave, she started to text him like 4 times ... when i asked him who was, he said was someone else. I said: prove it! And it was her again... Ex are like FUNGUS they are aways comming back. We had so many fights in 2 years because of this girl, its like sick! He aways says "awww, just been friends" " she is the last person I wold cheat on you with" " I have nothing with her, she aready has another boyfriend!!!" . The thing is, Im 27. He is 22 and this girl is like 20 or so. I feel so stupid seeing myself in this high school situation. Like I shuld leave them alone, you know? Forget about all the " I love you". Its just hard to leave someone that you invest so much time and hope. Still early, so I cant tell you if the best to do is to break up. I just hope i dont get even more hurt after this hole drama. Im breaking up exacly for this reason. IM TIRED TO FEEL DESRESPECTED AND HAD TO SUFFER IN SILENCE ( dont letting him know that im fragil inside and I do have low confidence about her sometimes). No matter how young she is to MY EYES. What HE SEES is what matters I guess... :(
  • No one here knows him better than you... so only you can find the right answer. I am a guy that was faced with a similar situation, but many years ago. To be completely honest it was hard for me to stop speaking to my EX... Even though I knew that we were incompatible, I still had feelings for her not the kind that would bring us back together but more of a feeling of care, like you care for your best friend or even favorite cousin. Well this went on for years and my first relationship after I left her suffered for it and we wound up by splitting up, because my girlfriend could not accept the friendship between my ex and I. Well a few years later I started dating a girl that did not mind the friendship and fully trusted me, to make a long story short, with time I spoke less and less with my EX and wound up marring the girl that didn't mind. So like I said in the beginning … only you know what to do.
  • Why does it hurt your feelings for him to talk to her? I'm asking honestly because it doesn't bother me when my LTR talks to his exes. It shows that he respects and cares for the people he has a relationship with, as people and not just as someone he's currently sleeping with, and that should we (heck forbid) ever seperate we will still be in touch with each other. He still talks to his last girlfriend because he loved her family (actually more than he loved her, in retrospect) and wants to know how they're doing. They also shared a dog that she takes care of, and he inquires about the dog as well. As long as he is open with you about the communication and it's really just talking, not flirting or secretly meeting or something, there's really nothing to worry about. It's true that he should respect your feelings, but only so long as they're reasonable. It's just not possible to be someone's "one and only" - they will always have friends, family, and a past that's seperate from you. If you can't handle that, you're just not ready for a relationship.
  • I think I would be looking for some "friends" of my own...
  • I feel for you. My situation was worse. My man was still friends with his ex girlfriends sister. It took him 1year and a half to cut her loose. She was a mafia chick that was a jail bird. She took his money and black mailed him. Which eventually ended that friendship. And he has a baby from a different girl. I think you both should talk to each other about having friends of the opposite sex or not in a relationship. Also talk about each others beliefs on having friends and what each other expect. If him and his ex are partying every week together and not asking you to come or participate in social functions together, or go out on double dates together then dump him. If he is willing to change then wait for the friendship to foil. It felt so good watching his friendship with her end and ours flurish. Initiate sex more hunny and he won't spend time with her ever again.
  • I was in a similiar situation not too long ago. I started dating my boyfriend two years ago, when we met he was still really good friends with his ex girlfriend. It didn't really bother me at first, until she would constantly call him, invite him places, just stuff like that. He would not talk to her in front of me and delete her text messages after he would read them. To make a long story short I called the ex girlfriend myself and told her how I felt about the whole situation. She backed off and gave us our space. So what I'm trying to say is maybe you should call the ex girlfriend and have a talk with her.
  • I still talk to most of my long term ex GF's. My advice to you is either get over it (if you trust him) or move on (if you dont trust him, because if you dont trust him the relationship wont last in the first place!)
  • I have been seeing a guy for a year and he is still in contact with his ex-girlfriend. He tells me when he is meeting her, talks about what they have talked about and I have told him that it doesn't bother me. I am of the opinion that they are exs for a reason. If he wanted to still be with her then he would. They must have had something in common to have gone out with each other in the first place and that commonality must still be there- that now links them as friends. I have confidence and trust in my relationship with him and feel safe in my situation to not ask him to stop seeing his ex. I would only want to do that if I felt his contact with his ex was interfering in my relationship with him- and it is not doing that. In fact I think the fact that he knows that I trust him makes our relationship stronger- he knows that I am no pushover!
  • I used to talk to my ex which my boyfriend didn't love. But as long as you trust the other person it shouldn't be a big deal. At the time when I was doing this I would have been willing to let him know what we were talking about and if he wanted to (which he didn't) join the convorsations himself. I think you need to understand that just because he's talking to her doesn't mean he doesn't love or care for you as much as he always did. If you are that worried, maybe something more is going on here.
  • I know what you mean I have been with my bf for almost 4 years now I live with him and have a 2yr old daughter. I recently found out his ex girlfriend who he was with in H/S for not even a year and cheated on him had called him to see how he was doing. He said she just called to ask that and had no intentions of anything else. The point is this isn't the first time it's happened I will not ask him not to talk to her because it's out of my control but I did let him know I am not okay with it and that someone who is and ex should stay in the past. He says he has No feelings for her but yet he doesn't ask her to stop calling and he saved her number under one of his male friends, he also vents to her about our problems. So why I don't know. I think if he had no feelings for her he wouldn't of lied about talking to her and he would put a stop to it because is that "friendship" worth loosing his relationship? I don't know what to do?
  • the first and only thing for you to do is STOP being JEALOUS because its going to kill your relationship with your b/f ..its that simple ... your his g/f friend ...not his ex, you have him now so whats the problem ....nothing !!..fix this jealousy before it f**ks your life and trust me it will
  • if he knows it hurts you , why he kept doing tis? i noe my boyfriend will not do this to me as he knows it will hurt me n make me feel sad. he would explain to me to reduce misunderstanding and make me secure even it's just a sms frm his ex. i feel that you are just a helpless girl/lady feeling insecure now. i've been thru the situation b4. i noe it feel not good at all. maybe you should talk over to him abt it that you dont feel right abt it. if he really loves you loads , he should know he had to stop. but you must noe this need time. be patient (: and i wish you good luck :D
  • If he knows it hurts your feelings but keeps on doing it I'd get rid of him! Sounds like he doesn't respect you or care about you as much as you do him! Good luck!
  • keep ur enemies close, if their friends you guys should all hang out then you can see for your self if they are really just friends or if their is something between them
  • befriend her yourself. if shes really his friend then she will accept you as well.
  • HI. Well i have actually had a similar situatio. I have been working with a gorl for around a year or so..who lived with her B/F. Now about 6 months into our f/ship we started a lil flirting etc and one night we were out and I was very drunk, and we fooled around(no kissing, but more like sex with clothes on!) I said, even tho I was drunk that I dont want to do anything as A I would have to see her at work B coz she lives with him so we wouldnt be able to do stuff ever anyway and C Because I thought theyre may be a chance of something further down the track.......ANYWAY! after that episode we just kept flirting and stuff and started to get real close....all whilst not sleeping with eacother (There were one two or three other times were we nearly dd stuff) ANyways, she told me how she thought they would break up the whole time, but they had to wait for the lease to run out (which was 6months firm the time we first playd around.....ANyway she eventually broke up 2 months B4 the lease and we been seein each other since (its now about 2 weeks tl she moves out) Anyway my point is she hjas been LIVING with the EX this whole 2 MONTHS!!!! Its been SO HARD to like deal with as she has told me he has tried t sleep with her and that I know they kisssed once about a week after we hooked up. He tells her he still loves her but I feelpretty confident she doesnt feel the same, as for when i pry it out of her she tels me just about everything I they do.....I do have like a 10% doubt but I guess thats coz i know what happnd with us and how something may have happened.....I think that as long as the ex stuff is in the open, then its ok as long as they dont get upset if you want to know seatls of what they talk about....etc!!!!!! good luck!!
  • i am kind of in a situation like this, I met my parter 7 months ago we met on online dating, he had left his ex like 3 months before we hooked up. Everything was great, but his ex would write flirty comments on his myspace all the time, i confronted him about it and he told me he was going to delete it. 5 months passed and i found his myspace , i confronted him about it and he said his ex's and friends would write to him on that, when i looked at his profile, he had a lot of girls wanting to see him, telling him that they loved him. but i love him so much i stuck to him, but its painful knowing that i am not part of that world.... so i just got my own world going on. The truth is i dont want to be alone anymore.
  • I don't know why so many people think there's some kind of rule about never speaking to an ex. There's nothing wrong with maintaining a friendship; after all, they liked each other enough to attempt a relationship. Why throw all that away? Your boyfriend decided he wasn't compatible with his ex, they broke it off and now he chooses to be with you. My suggestion would be to put a little more faith in your boyfriend.
  • IF they are still talking then they aren't very much of ex's. I wouldn't be with someone who still has any relationship with an ex unless it was dealing with children they had together. If they don't have kids together they really have no reason to be still talking. It can only lead to trouble, which it already has with your current relationship. Break up clean or don't break up, what is with the "friends" thing anyway. Men and women being friends in general hurts relationships most of the time.
  • I am a guy and my fiancee was doing this. At first since i trust her and still do,had zero issue with it and let it go on for months even when engaged. But then one day i went for a office party in which one of the girls got drunk and showed us her tatoos on her butt(we were like 20 there!). Coming back as always i tell my fiancee everything and mentioned this. she got cross and asked a zillion questions about this girl i hardly knew and said if that ever happens again i should walk out of the room! Ok fine.Then i got curious and waited a few eeks and asked her about what the ex said last time he called. It included stuff like "i have changed u know" "is there hope for me now that u are engaged" Does this sound like a guy who wants to just be friends!I think not. Weirdly enough i asked a few friends if they had this issue before and nearly all did and nearly all found out the ex are trying to make a return. My advise find out exactly what they talk about.Chances are he wants to remain civil and friends while the other party is looking for a comeback . I confronted her and told her that well this is how it is ."i aren't cool with this now i see he still has his eyes set on u" It is harmless but can be dangerous too.Phone him and ask him to move on with his life.I certainly have no intention of marrying anyone whose ex will still be popping into our lives. Once she saw it was harmful she did.
  • I am in the situation now. My g/friend is from a different town and is in regular contact with her ex's and ex husband. They broke up 5 yrs ago although they were sleeping together up to a few months ago on and off. Because I leave in another country we only see each other 2-3 time a month for weekends so it is very hard for me when she tells me she is meeting hiim for lunch etc. With her last few b/friends she was cheated on thme with her ex husband..she has told me all this very openly..so of course I am very paranoid that she will do the same to me..leoprads dont change spots and all that..she assures me that she loves me and wants to be with me..and I believe her..I have to otherwise we just forget about it. I told her that it bothers me a bit but I trust her. The thing that bothered me was that although she knows it bothers me..she will keep meeting him because she likes his company and nothing will ever happen So I guess I have to trust her and decide if she is worth fighting for and hopefully with time her ex's will fade out of her life. Plus I cant spend my time beating myself and getting jealous its just not worth it..I have decided that I will give the situation time and she how things pan out
  • Seems pretty controlling to me. She wants him to change his behaviour. I don't see the "good reason" in it at all - she's not being harmed by him talking to his ex-girlfriend. I've never expected a partner of mine to cut off contact with previous partners, and would be pretty offended if they expected me to. It sounds like paranoid control-freak behaviour.
  • TELL HIM TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE 2 OF U
  • I will never undersatnd why someone would expect that they could continue hanging onto an ex and have everything be dandy with a new partner. Being decent and civil to an ex is one thing..but if hes spending more time talking to her than you are comfortable with..I would suggest moving on and finding a bf who doesn't have a hang up over his ex.
  • I was with my ex-boyfriend for 5 years, and through all those 5 years he never stopped calling his ex-girlfriend and she also never stopped calling him. I tried to dumped him many times but it was impossible to get away from him , he will stalked me until I take him back. We were always together, after work he'll come home to me we did many things together but it always bothered me his constant communication with his ex. They don't have any children, so what's going on? Well, I told him I feel very uncomfortable he promise he was going to end calling her on answering her phone calls. years passed, we always argued over the same thing, he never stopped, another year passed I was already used to the idea until one day, I showed up to his job by surprise, I checked his cell phone and saw her number dialed. That same night we went out for dinner, I asked him when was the last time he spoke to his ex and he lied. He said it has been years, and yeah right it was only 2 days ago. I took out his cell phone and showed him the call, and he made up some quick story and claim he lied because he knew I'll get upset. Bottom line is , I was already so tired about that situation I didn't even argue about it I told him not to worry and lets have dinner. 3 weeks later I met a guy I really liked. I cheated on him with this guy I met and 3 months later I dumped him. Today I'm happily married with the wonderful man I met and dumped him for. My ex-boyfriend attempted suicide after I dumped him, and made my life impossible but thank god it is all over now. I told him to learn from his mistake. He tries calling me all the time and leaves me romantic messages, I never answer. He calls and visits my family all the time, I just don't know how to get rid off him. This guy loves to communicate with his ex girlfriends, hopefully very soon he'll disappear out of my life completely.
  • IF HE STILL TALKS TO HIS X TELL HIM THAT YOU KNOW HE SAYS THAT THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS BUT YOU FEEL WIERD ABOUT THEM TALKING BUT YOU DO TRUST HIM IT JUST DONT FEEL RIGHT.
  • It is ultimatum time. His disregard for your feelings is a deal breaker, girl.
  • You need to just take his word for it if you trust him.If he's a true boyfriend then he wouldn't or won't lie to you.
  • If you love him then you just need to trust him
  • I'm actually in a similar situation now. My boyfriend of nearly a year is still very close with most of his ex-girlfriends, including one who cheated on him and still calls and sends text messages at all hours of the night. On one hand I don't mind: it shows that he didn't do something so terrible that they all hate him. What does bother me about it is the fact that he acts weird if I ask if they have talked and, if so, what they talked about. He also deletes any e-mail, text or phone messages from them. In the past, he has told me that he discusses our relationship with them and other intimate subjects, which I told him was completely inappropriate. He also greeted them as "hey gorgeous" and told them they are "still hotties." When I told him I didn't approve of any of that and that it was disrespectful to his current girlfriend (me), he said he would stop. Since then, I have learned that he hasn't stopped like he said he would, which tells me he is just going to say what I want to hear and then do whatever he wants behind my back. If you are in a similar situation, I think you have the same two options as me: Either find a way to live with it or move on. If he knows it hurts you and does it anyway, chances are he isn't going to stop no matter what you say to him.
  • I am going thru the same situation with my husband, his ex-g/f calls him, texts him, and they met up when he was on the road once, before we were married, and yes, he never offered that information, until I asked him. I checked the cellphone bills and several nights before we were engaged, he'd call her after he hung up with me and they'd talk for hrs. I told my husband this is inappropriate, and that it hurts me, but he says he sees nothing wrong with it. I gave him an ultimatum, aka 3 strikes and you're out. I am not kidding, I will check the cellphone bills monthly, and highlight the calls to and from her, and when I get three, my kids and I are out of here.
  • you have to be able to trust him...as hard as it sounds and as much as it hurts...
  • Tell him one more time and explain that is is hurtful to you and your choice is to accept this behavior or tell him you dont want to see him anymore.
  • heres an idea, trust the poor dude, i do that all the time and my girlfriend trusts me so its cool
  • My elders always said, what is over is over!!!! If you're constantly calling your ex you have not moved on. My point of view if there aren't any children or joint property in common it is not correct to continue a constant communication with an ex when you have moved on with someone else. For all you ladies who are in this situation if they don't stop calling the ex, dump him!!! Remember girls is your wonder years, don't wait till you're 40 years old to make right move.
  • i understand where your fears are coming from but if they arent having phone sex then what damage is he really doing most people dont like their loved one talking to an ex because they are afraid of them loosing them to their ex im still friends with all my exs if he isnt saying anything inapropriate then there isnt really anything to fear if he is distant about the facts to the calls or texts then thats when you need to worry because there is more then what he is saying i say trust him until he proves you to need to worry thanks the iron man
  • Heres how I see it, if you meet your boyfriend and he has kept in touch with his ex girlfriend after they broke up and has been talking to her before he even met you than its not your place to tell him to stop talking to her....they are probably just still really good friends. If on the other hand, he hasn't talked to his ex girlfriend in years and than out of the blue he starts talking to her again you have every right to be pissed...because if girls start talking to their ex-boyfriends again after they haven't talked to them in however long, they ususally want something.
  • It depends what culture you have. In the spanish world this is unacceptable, White folks seem to be okay with this situation. If they're just friends, I'm pretty sure he won't have a problem calling her when you're around? Yeah right, bet he doesn't call her when you're around. Open your eyes girls.
  • ok mines like this...My girl constantly talks to her x...i dont really have a problem with that becuase hes on the other side of the US but what gets me going is the naked pictures that show up on her fone. Iv told her to stop talking to him out of respect for the relationship hes a x for a reason. so that is only one of the odd things about the relationship...few other r that she talks to this fat guy at her work alot when were hanging out that likes her, went to movie with him, did a drug when im a service member and a cop, only get to see her like 2wice a week, i have to ask for a hug or kiss and in general i left for military duty and since i came back its like her priorities have completely changed from me work friends and school to friends work and school. she says i stress her but all i do is ask to hang out..like idk i need a idea something to really show her that i care...ne suggestions?
  • Trust him. If you can't, maybe you shouldn't be together? But if you do trust him, it isn't fair to say who he can and can't talk to.
  • Be very clear as to what you really want him to do. Make sure you know if he's talking to her and it bothers you, that you make it clear. Also, you need to stand up for your self because if it bothers you, and he cares about then he needs to stop talking to her. If it's not really bothering you, you just want him to your self. Then explain to him, that he's going to need to make sure that he includes you. If they are just friends then they wont mind. I know a lot of people answer questions based on their experience and true life situations, and sometimes you get the whole TMI situation. But... I'm going to go there anyway. My ex of almost a year was not speaking to his ex before me, they had no communication. The she all the sudden three months into our relationship began e-mailing him again and they began to be friends. I didn't like it because he had her on a pedelstool so far up that I felt like I was constantly watching my back. This girl was his first "love" whatever that means from an internet girl. And he had told me before we started dateing that if she ever wanted to get back together that he would leave me. Long story short, a month before he broke up with me, he left to go meet her face to face aout 10 hours away just as "friends" and we are now broken up and they are back together. The whole theory about an ex is an ex for a reason doesn't mean anything, and if they are still friends there is always going to be some type of emotion and history. Lady bug... watch your back!
  • Most of the time these types of relationships border on inappropriateness. I would go along with it unless she or he gives me solid evidence to not trust him or her. The key here is to play it COOL....too constantly harp on it shows insecurity on your part and thats never a good thing. You must be strong enough to end the relationship if it becomes a problem though. Let him know you mean buisness and you dont f.ck around.
  • I DON'T THINK IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND IS CONSTANTLY TALKING WITH THE EX IS BECAUSE YOU'RE UNSECURED!!! PLEASE USE YOUR COMMONSENSE, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY STRANGE AND NO WOMAN NOR MAN WITH DIGNITY AND SELF RESPECT SHOULD HAVE TO STAND THIS BULL SHT!!!!!!!
  • I dont think its necessary to talk to your ex. She/he is in the past, and the past is where they should stay. You broke up with he/she for a reason. And if you feel the need to still talk to this person while being in a relationship, then you should become single, obviously your still interested. Most people dont like it when someone talks to their ex's. It makes them feel uncomfortable. And if they say "it isnt anything" "we are just friends" but it makes you feel uncomfortable and they wont ease up, then end the relationship. Its not worth worrying over when there is so much better out there for everyone. You only live life once, try to make the best of it : )
  • I talked to him. I'm in the same boat--but its pretty bad. When my boyfriend and I first starting dating, he referred to his exgirlfriend--whom he had dated for almost 3 years--as his best friend. She refused to meet me, he spent random Saturday nights with her, he walked out on her for reasons never explained to me because he was so angry, and he conveniently forgot to mention her presence at events. When the last one happened, we had a hell of a good talk. I was honest, and told him I trusted him up until that point, but that was giving me a lot of reason to question. I am not asking that he not talk to her--long ago I told him, I got that she was important to him. That doesnt make me ecstatic, but I'll deal. All I needed from him was to know her a little. Because the fact of the matter is, it DOES hurt. The more he hides from me, the more it hurts. When we talked, I learned so much more about him. At the end of the conversation, I am being totally honest when I say that I saw MULTIPLE pictures of my boyfriend and his ex when they were dating--including various romantic ones--and I was ok with it. They were simply pics of my boyfriend from the past. Honesty, Communication, and Trust (if its warranted) go a very long way.
  • Maybe just be honest with him, and say yure not too happy about it, and give your reasons why, you gotta talk about this issue with him, in order for it to be resolved, one way or the other. Personally, i wouldnt like it, i would think they have had an intimate relationship in the past, and even if theyre not getting physical now, they still share their past experiences, whether or not they discuss or joke about them when theyre together, I would think hes wanting to have his cake and eat it :(
  • tell him if uncomfortable for you - and out of respect for you could he please not be in contact with her any longer.
  • SOMEONE WHO INTENTIONALLY HURTS YOU IS NOT WORTH IT.. ASK HIM IF HE WANTS TO GO BACK WITH HER AND LET HIM. AND IF NOT YOU TWO NEED TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS
  • you should make him sit down and you just tell him how you realy feel deep down inside of you, i'm sure he will understand !!
  • I know exactly how you feel, a few months ago I caught my b/f talking to his ex girlfriend on a phone that I didnt even know that was his, so when she was calling I answered it and me and her got into a big fight and I woke him up and confronted him about it and all he did was back her up and turn around and get mad at me, but now its been about 5 months down the road and just the other day I caught him, well actually heard him talking to her and I confronted him AGAIN and all he says is that they are friends, but when I tell him that it hurts me when he talks to her that it makes me uncomfortable, all he says is well she's my friend, but the thing is that I'm 6 months pregnant with our first baby and I told him that if he didnt stop that I was gonna leave and obviously it didnt mean anything to him cause now I have my bags pack and plan to leave tomorrow, but this isn't the first and only thing he has done to me, believe there's way worse with way more girls, oh and by the way when I talked to his ex the last time, I was pregnant and I told her that me and him were gonna have a baby and to stay out of are lives, she really didnt like that I was pregnant, but then a few weeks later I had a miscarriage, but I guess that there still is feelings there and I know that there more than just friends.
  • When we first started out, my bf (now my ex) forbade me to contact all my male friends, saying a girl and a guy cannot be merely platonic. It pained me, but I had to break contact with all my old guy friends and allowed him to keep tabs on my new male colleagues. His primary reason for being so strict and jealous was "because his ex-girlfriend cheated on him". Call it a preventive measure, if you must. Now, more than three years into the relationship, I caught him still trying to contact his ex through his sister, when he stumbled upon the latter's blog saying his sister just got married. It might've been a blow to him, her moving on and all. When I confronted him about it, he gave me sh*tty explanations like his ex's sister was his childhood friend. Riiiight. I got fed up, knowing that he is still so affected by whatever his ex does. Sounds to me as if we might be in the same boat, and that your bf has excess emotional baggage you can do without.
  • It depends. Is it possible he's having trouble letting go? Is it possible you are still insecure yourself about the relationship? Are they still friends? Do they work together? Do they have mutual friends and associations? Has she moved on and found someone else? Just because you used to be with somebody doesn't mean you hate each other when it breaks up. But if you're just friends then there's no reason to act like it's something else. Are they sneaking around? Does he lie about talking to her? Do they try to hide it from you or your friends? Is he doing things with her like going on dates, or do they just talk casually sometimes? You have to observe the patterns and see what you make of it. It's no big deal having friends. It is a big deal if friends get priority over more serious relationships.
  • my boyfriend actually left me for his ex girlfriend, and then he realized he made a mistake. he begged and cried for me back gave me flowers and all kinds of cute things. so a couple days ago, a girl said she seen him kiss the girl he left me for. but he AND the girl he "kissed" said no they hugged because her grandpa died. Yesterday i deleted her number out of his phone. and he ended up calling his bestfriend for her number at night. like why does he need her number? i asked him and he said i may need it if i ever need anything and he said "or if i left my hoodie in her car" so when he said that i flipped out thinking something was up. and he claimed "no its not in her car its at home didnt you see it?" so his friend said "he needed her number to get his hoodie out of her car from last time they were dating" that sounds suspicious...or am i going crazy?
  • Talk to him. I got -really- upset with one of my boyfriends because he wanted me to stop talking to an ex of mine. I am friends with every ex boyfriend I have ever had. They generally start out as friends and I don't want to lose them as friends. You have to remember. They are an EX for a reason. The person is with you instead of them for a reason.
  • Still talk like bump into her in the street "hey how ya doing" is ok... phoning each other up regularly is kinda off. Yeah MAYBE there is 100% nothing in it, but I doubt that since she is an ex and there is ALWAYS a risk of old feeling being rekindled. If it hurts you then he should make some kind of compromise like cutting down time spent with her. A compromise you can both agree on. He should at least go out of his way to make you feel more at ease with the situ. He can't just leave you alone to 'deal with it' when you have a problem! I would start spending as much time with her as he does, she has to see that your a couple and a strong one at that... incase she has any ideas of her own. Go with your gut on this one!
  • I'm in the same boat- Im together with my bf for 3 yrs. When we 1st started dating I caught her over the house- he begged for me back, swore nothing happened- stupid me took him back. It took me almost 3 yrs to get over it the first time then two wks ago I found out he's still talking to her. If he knew how bad it hurt me the first time, I dont understand how he's still doing it 3 years later- oh maybe because he doesnt care how I feel, he knew it hurt me but continued to go behind my back and do it again. I found the number in his phone (he didnt know) he forgot to delete it. I called and sure enough it was her. I just dont know what to do. It sucks when you love someone and u wanna leave them but you just cant. It also sucks that that one person you love you cant even trust! His explanating is that I'm psycho and Im a snoop (hmm I wonder why I'm a snoop- bc everytime I snoop he gets caught)! He also says he needs someone to talk to... Theres billions of people in this world he doesn't need to talk to the one person that I HATE and that he hurt me with already!!! I guess 3 strikes your out! It's all about the respect. If us girls keep allowing them to do crap behind our back then we are the fools. It's so embarasing to go out in public knowing that people know what a sneak he is and that i've been played. We have 2 choices- deal with the hurt and agrivation and stay with the jerk, or deal with the hurt for a few months and leave him...
  • my girl had lunch with her ex yesterday, and i havent heard from her since the night before... its kinda crappy, cuz all she did was talk about how shitty he treated her...
  • I'm in a similar situ but not the same. My boyf is friends with a girl that I'm sure is after him. I got so worked up and upset about it that when he told me he is going to her house, I went mental and said that if he goes it's over with us. He was so mad that he told her what I said and now he never wants us to meet as she thinks i'm a psychotic freak. Time has passed but I found they have been texting all summer and she has invited him to her house again(knowing this will affect me). This is driving us apart. But I have no choice but to put up with it or leave him! It's hard to know what to do in these situations. You have to be honest about how you feel and make sure they understand your insecurities. Maybe they can say something or do something to help you. Ultimately you can't control the situation and have to just trust them I guess. I would not trust 100% in your situ as there will always be some kind of feeling there. I think it's fine to be friends with ex's BUT spending too much time and being alone together is trouble. What do YOU want to happen? would you compromise at all? would he? where do your boundaries lie? and is he willing to work towards them?
  • get over it if you feel hurt by that then you have no trust and wwith no trust a relationship will end and with a bang if you push him he will make a dicision but will that make him unhappy if so maybe he will leave you compremise when he talks to her add yourself in the convo invite her round you might even like her yourself
  • what i say is really it may hurt but just everytime he talkes about her just think to yourself that you have him, he is not hers or anyone else. guys just want to see if you will get jealous, some guys like it when you do and some dont! JUST KEEP THINKING YOU HAVE HIM AND SHE DONT!!! THATS ALL THAT MATTERS!!you are the one going home with him everynight not any other girl!!!
  • invite her over for dinner, the three of you. maybe you will hit it off and you three can live together. a one bedroom apt would work, you could save bucks. big bucks.
  • Talk to him about how you feel, and ask him to answer honestly about what they talk about, whether he sees her in person (and in what context and how often) and what the nature of their relationship really is. That said, the fact that he is still friends with her is something you should respect and admire. To cut people for whom you cared deeply and with whom you grew and spent so much time, completely out of your life, would show that you are incapable of caring unselfishly or being respectful of someone you no longer love. His being friends with her shows that he is a caring and MATURE person who acknowledges the important of his past and the people who made him who he is. As long as you don't see any signs that he is being dishonest or unfaithful, in this case you need to get over yourself and your petty jealousy and be proud of your man.
  • did he do this when you got together w him? or did this start up after you started dating? If it started after, you are justified in expressing that you dont like it. If it always been like this, you knew about it when you started dating!
  • i know what u mean!! i have been with my bf 4mnths now and his ex still calls an txts him.He says she just gets upset and that he is good to talk 2?? should i be concerned?? i just dont know what 2 think but i tell him to go sort things with her and he says no way i am happy with you!
  • I think both of them still have some unresolved issues with each other. If he were truly happy with just you then he would take your feelings into consideration and make a clean break with this girl once and for all. Otherwise you should just ask him to go deal with his ex and when and if they decide they are over for good then he can come back to you if he still has feelings for you. With all this unresolved baggage between the 2 of them the only one who will really end up hurt and left will be you. No guy should keep in touch with an ex unless they have a child together(and then only to deal with child related issues...not to just chat). Most of these guys have commitment issues also. They tend to date a girl but keep a few "friends" or exes on the back burner...just in case things dont work out with the girl they are dating. They dont realize that if they just concentrated on the relatonship they were in and not juggling all these "friends" they could have everything because their girlfriend would feel secure and loved. Ultimatelty though you need to decide if you want to be jerked around like this or do you want someone else who will treat you better and care about how you feel first.
  • be mature about it! let him talk to her! theres a reason he's with you and not her! my boyfriend hates that i still talk to my ex but i assure him all the time that we're only friends and hes the only one i want!theres a reason he didnt make it to be my boyfriend now ya kno! so dunt stress it guys hate jealous girls....good luck!
  • hmmm.. If I were you, I'd tell him how I feel. And obviously, you have. So I'd set a day aside, and ask your boyfriend, the ex, and some mutual friends of his and yours to hang out. Hanging out, as in a bbq, watching movies, etc. And see how they interact, and if they really are friends. However, if i was talking to an ex, and my current boyfriend said it really bothered him, or upset him, I'd stop. Because, really, who's feelings are more important? His girlfriend, who he's 'supposed' to care for. Or an ex? if I were you, I'd think about whats best for myself first. (=
  • tell him how you feel about it unfortunately jealousy plays a key role in our life. its a really ugly thing. but theres a reason hes with you and not her. but if you think somethings going on then talk to him about it. it can only make things worse if you just hold things in and let them build up. - xoxox.
  • If he already knows it and is still doing it, telling him probably wont help. It sounds as though you are somewhat insecure. Ask him to invite her over so that you can meet her. Who knows you all might wind up being friends. Being jealous can ruin a relationship and he will most likely not look at it as "she must love me alot to be jealous". He wont even think as highly of you because of it. She was his past and you are his "present".
  • Trust your gut. Sometimes an ex is just a friend, sometimes it's more than friends. You should try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but if your instinct says this is a problem, then it probably is. Get a read on his expressions when he talks about her, whether he withholds information about her, or whether he's willing to let you hang out with her too. You'll know.
  • Haha, I hate that. I once found a deleted message in my boyfriends's facebook inbox, where he had invited his ex-gf to come out to the bar with him. He deleted it because he was afraid I would find it...then uses the "we're just friends" defence... even if your boyfriend may claim that, it could be an entirely different situation on the other end, their ex could still have feelings..and furthermore persue them to do bad things =/ Just be careful with thatone, you never know!
  • I still talk to my ex b/f and we dont let other people we date get in the way of that....I know how you feel but if you keep telling him you dont like it he will probably just get mad andthings wont turn out pretty...All I can say is trust your gut...Do you think he would cheat on you?
  • I'm having the same issue with my boyfriend and i'm just as confused. he and his ex had a bad break up and when we started dating they weren't talking. now over a year later she's saying she wants to be friends with him and misses him. he told me that they had promised to always be friends and he had treated her badly when they were in a realationship and he wants her to see he's a good guy. i've told him i'm uncomfortable with it and he says he understands but whenever she texts him it kinda blows up and he always turns it around to being my problem. he said that if it came down to it of course he would choose me over being friends with her, but he doesn't want it to come to that. am i just being paranoid? or is it reasonable that i don't want the two of them talking? oh and he has this "special connection" with this girl who he was her first kiss and first time and he still talks to her and stuff and he says he doesnt' want to be the guy who just hooks up with a girl and that's it. but that makes me uncomfortable too and i kinda look at it like you've been nice enough, move on. is that normal?
  • Realize that he had a life before you -- and as long as they have a respectful relationship -- that is being respectful of the fact that he is with you - then you should have no reason to worry! Trust seems to be the issue here! Why would it or does it hurt your feeling that he talks to her -- why does she hold so much power over you?
  • I think that it would be nice to have Open-Sexless Relationships regardless if it's our Ex or just other friends. Then,If you both can move on into mutual partner sharing. I would say,"Go for it".
  • Its only you who can decide better what to do but if you believe him than give one more chance to prove himself and before taking any decision first find the reason behind their relationship................ http://www.koffii.com
  • The truth is if he is going to talk to his ex then there is nothing you can do about it. All you can do is be proud of who you are and continue to be a good woman to him. On the other hand if you are not being too good of a woman to him this may be the reason he is turning to his ex and confiding in her. Not all people end on bad terms. Some people find it refreshing to not hold a grudge against their ex. Mind you this is a person he once loved. And when love is real it doesn't just fade away. so of course he still has feelings for her but he knows they can never be together, so he just settles for small talk and conversations.
  • i had a bf that did that, it turned out to be the thing that ended our relationship. Apparently she was supposed to be his first then she got all mad over it and told me that he was gonna dump me to go out with her. I was tired of her and broke up with him :]
  • Ask to meet "his friend". Or, show him all the answers that you got here on AB.
  • Tell him your not diggin that at all...and then jog him on! its quite hard for men and women to be friends anyway without one or the other getting attracted to each other....so them being ex's doesn't help! When you say they still talk....what in passing? or via the phone? or sms? do they hang out? if it's just if he see's her around in passing then fair play i wouldn't be that bothered but if they are proper friends, hanging out and speaking regularly then I'd have issues with that!
  • BEAT HIIS ASZ N BEAT DA BITCH ASZ
  • There's a secret place within my mind, Where no one dare to tread. Only Jesus Christ, The Son of God, Is welcome in my head. I would open up that door to thee, If our hearts could melt as one And that is the only key, You see, It's either her or me.
  • I feel your pain! My boyfriend was living with his ex-wife and even told me that I couldn't go to his house for christmas because it would look bad having his new girlfriend at the house,(even though we had already been dating for over a year). What I'm trying to say is that you should listen to your instinct,what is it telling you? Maybe you two could hang out or as awkward as it sounds all three of you, this way you could see how they interact with each other.
  • I have an ex husband and a teenager with him.. we had an amicable split and I will speak to him about who's picking him up after activities and some financial issues with our child.. I do not call him to wish him happy birthday, or for personal reasons. I told him when we split, 'its over!! no mixed messages!! Yet my current boyfriend still wishes his ex happy birthday every year and she reciprocates. And she texts him every holiday. This is when we are celebrating our lives together and it is an interuption to our time. I'm considering an ultimatum. They have no kids together and there is not even a situation where they have to see each other. Why can't they just move on???
  • Your boyfriend is still allowed to have friends that are girls.
  • Have you actualy told him it hurts your feelings? or do you just think he knows because they are both very different. But no matter what the answer is he still should not be talking to his ex girlfriend I would understand if they pass by each other or bump into each other some where and say Hi but if he does know it hurts your feelings then I think you need to make him your ex.
  • I have the same problem. :/ Same exact problem. I have no idea, really... But what i'm going to do is simply talk to him about it.. I don't want him to chose between us, but he knows it hurts me, and does it anyway. So i might end up leaving if he continues to hurt me and not seem to care.
  • This is a horrible thing for you. My previous bf used to be in contact with his x at first, it made me feel so bad that I sat him down and talked to him differently than I used to, ie i used to shout when I was annoyed but I sat calmly and didnt raise my voice once just open and honest and advised how it made me feel even if it means admitting your a little insecure, turning it round and saying how would you feel if I had a relationship similar to your old one and stayed in contact with him? My current bf used to be in contact with his x but to the point where he said he would visit her 250 miles from his house! I packed my stuff from his house when he wasnt in and left a note. He rang and was upset but it made him listen we talked about it and I asked him to speak to her but fizzel the conversation out to the point where today he doesnt have any contact with her (apart from the fact she is still on facebook, good old facebook eh) She doesnt bother to contact him anymore as he didnt go on it for 6 months I think she got the message without him being rude to her or making me look like an insecure woman. Good luck horrible situation x
  • See if he will allow you to get to know her. You could find that you like her too and can gain a friendship out of the deal. Try that first. If he's resistant then it would be best to talk to him about your feelings and concerns.

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