and then, about a month ago, she told me she was supposed to hang out with him "for" and then quickly changed it to "before" christmas. She said that she didn't even want to hang out with him because she felt he drew us apart (we'd argued about it--the fact that she lied, not that she was hanging out with another guy. (I encouraged her to keep him as a friend). Later in the conversation, I mentioned how I was going to help my friends pickup girls (for some reason they thought they could learn from me, and even wanted to record me that night. I mentioned this to her as I am completely honest with everything I do). She was mad at this, so I told her I wouldn't do it. I text her later that night, and she says she's havinvg coffee with him, and that she'll call me in :20 minutes. I was mad initially, because she said that she didn't want to hang out with him, but the worst came later. She didn't get back to me for a couple of hours, and that was via text message. She texted me saying that she was walking home and would call me later. She then didn't call me until another hour later. We ended up arguing about how she was being insensitive because it was a sensitive subject. And her response when asked why she let a :20 minute coffee date turn into three hours, she stated "I was having a good time". And then, the next day, she was really secretive with her phone. When I went to drop something off in her room, she ran the stairs to grab her phone. I questioned her shady behavior, and she at first lied, stating that there was something in the closet she didn't want me to see. Once she finally admitted the nutty behavior she said that she's just a really private person and all that crap. I try to trust her but each new incident has me thinking about what's going on. What's odd is that we hang out all the time 4-5 nights a week, and she says she loves me all the time. Also she stated to me over and over again how she hooked up with him in the past but was done with him, and would never do anything to jeapordize our love and relationship. She even stated that he's "so not a threat it isn't even funny". She's also still super affectionate and cuddly. I can't put my finger on it, but it just doesn't seem right.

You've put down quite a lot here, and I think that will help you to think more clearly as well, so I will give my take on what you have written. I think that you no longer trust your girlfriend. Trust is one of the cornerstones of a relationship, so losing it makes the foundation much more wobbly. The choices I reckon you have are to start the relationship from scratch, carry on as you are, or to scrap the whole thing. Whichever you are leaning towards I would also suggest you need to have a conversation - two way if possible, but one way will do - with her. If a relationship is going to work then she can't afford to be a 'private' or 'secretive' person around you. If she is shutting you out of part of her life then in the end I think the relationship is doomed. If you want to start from scratch then start with an open and honest frank discussion about what makes each other tick, what causes embarassment, what your innermost secrets are, and what you've never told anyone else. If you want to carry on as you are then I give you maybe 3 months before it all goes sour. If you want to break it off now, then your only comfort is that you did it to her before she did it to you. It may sound clichéd, but all that crap they write about in songs saying that 'two become one' is about right. If you are going to have a fulfilling relationship you are each other's best buddy, lover, confidant; you trust each other with your life and your secrets; you feel empty when the other's not there and complete when they are. What you don't do is spend hours with a mate and forget your promises because you were 'enjoying' yourself. My first wife told me that for several months before I discovered she was putting it about at the local nightclubs. If she truly wants to be with you she will harbour no secrets and will not allow herself to be alone with this other guy without you. My conclusion, from what you have written, is that something is not right and she doesn't want to speak about it (to you, anyway). From experience, I'd dump her, but I think you would do better trying again.