I got drunk and ended up having sex with my boyfriend's best friend. He asked me if I wanted to and I said yes, but I would not have otherwise. He was less drunk and knew what he was doing. Is this rape even though I said yes?

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• I think it's time to eat a gun; I am agreeing with you once again! LOL

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  by 8 Jan 2004-10 Dec 2009 on March 2nd, 2007

• Be careful, jervinator. It could be habit forming. ;-)

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  by Glenn Blaylock on March 3rd, 2007

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• Actually, she asked a "Sex" question under "Relationship advice". And who do you think you are to apologize for what the bulk of us obviously think? And why enable people who try to justify their actions - which they have a clear memory of, obviously - with sad faces and inferences of the woeful part of a Prosecutor bringing wrongful charges against someone who has done nothing wrong, other than violate the sacred trust of his best friend?

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  by FLYxNIGHT on March 3rd, 2007

• A lot of questions come to us miscategorized; that's why "flag this question" has a "wrong category" option. She asked whether this behavior could be defined as rape, which is a legal question. The answer is that in some states it is, and in some states it's not. That is fact and not opinion. Anyone can research the statutory laws and case law of their home state and try to change the law if they don't like it. (If you need help locating your state's law and you can't access a law library, I recommend findlaw.com or starting with a simple Google search.) "What the bulk of us obviously think" made a great illustration of what she and a prosecutor would be up against if the prosecutor would take the case at all. You'll have to make your own apologies if you think your answers/comments are wrong, rude, or offtopic; meanwhile, I remain very sorry that someone who came here for a simple legal definition was subjected to hysterical diatribes that didn't factually address her question.

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  by Ankhorite on March 3rd, 2007

• If she said YES, then it's NOT RAPE. Not by any stretch of the imagination. He didn't coerce her, he didn't threaten her. He asked her and she said YES. He didn't force her to become intoxicated, nor did he drug her in order to have sex with her comatose body. She was conscious and consenting. She made the decision to become intoxicated WILLINGLY. She made a mistake and had sex with her boyfriend's best friend, for pete's sake, now she's trying to find a way to turn it around so SHE doesn't have to take responsibility for her own stupid actions.

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  by Anonymous on June 21st, 2007

• See above. If you don't like the law in your jurisdiction, you can "downrate" your legislators by voting against them, or you can move to a jurisdiction with laws you like better. Grumping at me doesn't change the law.

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  by Ankhorite on June 21st, 2007

• That's not the law. She consented to the sexual act, which legally means that it's not rape.

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  by Anonymous on June 22nd, 2007

• Doobie, you are mistaken. The statutory and case law defining rape, sexual assault, and consent vary from state to state. The law is what I said it is, not what you wish it would be. It is reckless to assume that you "know" what the law is based on your feelings about what you think the law should be, or should mean. However, if you do not like the law, you have options. You can run for office to change the law in your home jurisdiction. If you don't want to run yourself, you can work for candidates who will change the law in your jurisdiction. You can move to a jurisdiction where you like the law better. Or, also, you can go to law school and after you pass the bar, you can try to get a job drafting or advocating legislative change. You can say "...which MORALLY, TO ME, means that it's not rape" and be right, because of course your moral opinions are what you say they are. But when you say "...LEGALLY means that it's not rape" you're not reporting what the law actually is.

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  by Ankhorite on June 22nd, 2007

• Great answer, Ankhorite.

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  by Stableboy on June 23rd, 2007

• Ankhorite, it's ridiculous to assume that YOU know what the law is in every jurisdiction. Just because you may feel that it's the law where you are, doesn't mean that it's the law where I am.

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  by Anonymous on June 23rd, 2007

• Stableboy: thank you very much. :)
  
  Doobie: Read the answer. I said laws vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. YOU gave an inaccurate blanket answer, without specifying a jurisdiction (and you're wrong about your own jurisdiction, BTW). I know you're very emotional about this, but you can still do some fact-checking of your own - such as looking at my profile. You're making a big fuss because you have a philosophical position about what the law OUGHT to be, and you're not making any room in your answers for what the law actually IS. Also, just looking up a statute is not enough; you also have to see how that statute has been interpreted by the courts of your jurisdiction. I've told you what you can do if you don't like the law; but there's really nothing left to do if you don't like my answer, because my answer is accurate and isn't going to change. It's good to be passionate about what you think the law SHOULD be; but it's pointless to be passionate about what the law IS.

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  by Ankhorite on June 23rd, 2007

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• Bullshit. Sorry.
  No = No, Yes = Yes. If Yes sometimes = No, then No sometimes = Yes, and that is NOT the case, ever.

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  by FLYxNIGHT on March 2nd, 2007

• All I'm saying is, it would be hard to prove in court. If she just wants to prove it to her boyfriend, that's a different matter. Do I think it is rape? Yes.

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  by LynfromNM on March 3rd, 2007

• Hardly. She knows she screwed up, and now she's trying to find a way to turn it around so it's not her fault and SHE doesn't have to own up to it. She got drunk on her own, she wasn't coerced or threatened, and she STILL said she wanted to have sex with him. I think that means that she wanted to have sex with him, which means it's not rape.

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  by Anonymous on June 21st, 2007

• That's simply your interpretation. You may very well be right, but I was going by what she said, and letting her know if she made any formal accusations it would be very hard to prove rape.

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  by LynfromNM on June 21st, 2007

• Going by what she said, it seems like she's just trying to pass the buck off so she doesn't look like the bad guy. If you consent to the sexual act, then it's simply *not* rape no matter how you look at it.

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  by Anonymous on June 21st, 2007

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• if u didnt want to u should of said no its not his fault your retard

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  by Jen_C7538 on July 17th, 2011

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