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by Anonymous on December 28th, 2006

Anonymous

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At work I try to be the most polite, helpful listener and non-judgemental person I can be. I try not to offend anyone and try to laugh even when someone's joke isn't funny. Does being too nice lead to being boring and never finding real friends?

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Answers. 10 helpful answers below.

  • by Tantric on December 28th, 2006

    Tantric

    Yes, it’s true that people will value niceness in others, but if your way of being nice is to suppress your own needs constantly, you are being too nice for your own good. If you always put the needs of others first, and your own needs last, if you don’t speak out when your own needs are ignored, then you are being too nice for your own good.

    When you express your niceness as a sign of genuine respect, kindness and interest in another person, it is a wonderful quality to have. When the "niceness" is a by-product of low self-esteem, passivity, or desperate loneliness, it can be a liability, and can make other people feel uneasy, guilty, or even attract the sort of people who are willing to exploit you.

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  • by dsterling1 on December 28th, 2006

    dsterling1

    i think that you should simply be you. if who you are is someone who is simply nice to everyone, then thats you and the people you make friends with will know and respect that. if you are having to put to much effort into it then maybe you should try expressing your true feelings more. but i dont think that kindness equals boring, i think that there are those who respect that and appreciate it, just as there is those who like 'wild' individuals.

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  • by Azraff on December 28th, 2006

    Azraff

    I think people should appreciate you as a calming influence wherever you are. If you feel restricted, you could experiment with speaking more of your mind while on vacation or with people you are not attached to and observe the reaction. I think there are people who appreciate each type of people, you just have to find them.

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  • by Anonymous on December 28th, 2006

    Anonymous

    This is something I've struggled with a little bit, too. It's easy to lose one's personal identity for the sake of agreeability. I actually wrote one of my college essays on something along those lines.

    I find this quotation relevant: "A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better and stronger than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble." -Gandhi.

    Basically, I think it's a delicate balancing act. Yes, you want to be widely liked, but not to the point that your eagerness to please eclipses your own individual needs, desires, beliefs, opinions, etc.

    Don't be afraid of a friendly disagreement every now and then.

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  • by JUSTNORMAL on December 28th, 2006

    JUSTNORMAL

    I totally believe you are really trying to work and fit in at this job, good for you. There is nothing wrong with nice, or too nice. Just be casual, friendly and laugh and let the other side of your personality come out. You would be surprised. ALso try and be a little more outgoing than in the background.

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  • by muguet on December 28th, 2006

    muguet

    It is good that you are polite and that you are trying to be so nice. Just make sure that it is sincere. I'm not sure that being too nice necessarily leads to being boring, but it could prevent you from finding real friends. Real friends accept you for who you are, faults and all. Also, most people have very few real friends, though they may have many "buddies".

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  • by Anonymous on December 28th, 2006

    Anonymous

    I don't think you can ever be TOO nice or respectful or polite, *unless* it makes you resentful or uncomfortable or feel like a "phoney."

    Just be yourself, and if you respect others and are polite, friendly, SMILE off and on, and have a good attitude, you will not be either boring or a phoney! And you should make friends who like you for who you really are, not for something you do or say that is not really who you are.

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  • by Anonymous on December 28th, 2006

    Anonymous

    It sounds nice that you try to be polite, helpful and listen at work, I am sure your co-workers appreciate that!
    Don't cover up who you are though, any friends you do manage to make won't like you for who you are.
    I reckon being 'too nice' could be considered a bit boring, but each person will have their own opinion.
    Never finding "real" friends is the key here, real friends love you for who you are, not what you pretend to be.

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  • by Rose is getting sleepy on July 1st, 2008

    Rose is getting sleepy

    I was reading through the answers you've been given and thinking what a shame all of these people aren't working in the same office!I would just like to add: different people will be attracted to different qualities and it isn't necessary for everyone to like you. I know someone who is really well liked by a very wide group of people and she finds it exhausting sometimes being everyone's best friend. The best thing is to have friendly relationships generally but just a few (or even just one) deep relationships where you are totally comfortable sharing deeper thoughts. Believe in yourself and your own good qualities, that your personality is unique to you.

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  • by TeenageGenius on January 7th, 2010

    TeenageGenius

    I think yes. Or not so much that you're being boring; you just aren't being true to yourself. Everyone has opinions, everyone is different, and everyone has likes and dislikes; if these aren't voiced, then you aren't being fair on yourself. People are valued for their individuality. It's possible to be a nice person, whilst still speaking your mind.

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