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by MOMMYG on January 1st, 2004

MOMMYG

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Should a single person with a child wait until the child is grown before starting a relationship with someone?

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  • by RedJohn on October 3rd, 2005

    RedJohn

    There is no reason you should wait to form a relationship with another person until your children are grown. However, the manner in which you conduct your relationship can make all of the difference. Let me use my circumstances as an example.

    I formed a personal relationship with another person about eight months after separating from my first wife. We really enjoyed each other's company, but we also considered what might be best for our children. Neither of us wanted to move in with one other, at least not for some time. Both of us wanted to spend some time living on our own, as we had both moved in with our first partners when we were fairly young. Neither of us wanted to put our children (my two, her three) through any more distress than they were already undergoing. A blended relationship is very stressful for both the adults and the children. At the time, our children did not get along particularly well. It would not have been 'one big happy family', if such a thing even exists. We had no desire to have any children together.

    Instead, we decided to wait until the children were much older before we co-habitated. This worked very well for us. We moved within walking distance of one another and, although we both moved more than once, made sure we lived close to one another. After 14 years we married and all of our children were involved in the ceremony. Four years after the marriage, we moved in with one another. Two of the children moved in with us at the time, as they were pursuing post-secondary education.

    Would this work for everyone? I don't really know, because most people never even think of managing a relationship in this manner. It has worked very well for us, but it requires people to be very commited to one another and have patience. There is no reason to rush into a new relationship, but there is no reason to delay it if you have met someone you like. You have the freedom to create any type of relationship you want.

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