• My ex husband is driving from NY to Florida to see my daughter. He does however still have a drinking problem & he's a nasty drunk. He got nasty with me on the phone & I told him that he should drive back home because he won't be seeing my daughter. My daughter isn't really looking forward to his visit because he is always so depressed. Should I act like the bitch he thinks I am or be a bigger person which would kill me?
  • always big the bigger person. no matter what. always do what is right.
  • well I dont think he should be around your daughter Lisa, just politely tell him no. :) (if he gets bad, then you can unload....I guess..) Im sorry Im not really good with this kind of situation because Im such a hothead.
  • If your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, let her make that choice. Of course you have to be the bitch and tell him she doesnt want to see him. On the same token you need to remind her he is her father....and though he is pretty much screwed up, he still loves her. Then tell her to make the decision:) Thats what my parents did. They never really got involved with each other, they let me make my decisions.
  • Be who you are, someone is watching. Your daughter. I wouldn't let him leave with her, I would make the visit as pleasant as possible. This is for your daughter, this is her dad, and her self worth my be the price she pays for any childish games on either side!:) Later in her life she will remember this, what will she remember about you?
  • G'day Lisa, Thanks for your question. You should do what is in your daughter's best interests. If he is too drunk for her to see him, she shouldn't see him. Regards
  • Forget acting like a bitch or the better person. Do what is best for your daughter. If being a bitch means prohibiting him from seeing her because he has been drinking, that is not bitchy it's looking out for your daughter. Tell him he can come see her the next day if he is sober. That is fair. Stick to your guns. . .no sober. . .no visit.
  • You need to do what's best for your daughter, there's nothing wrong with protecting her. They should be allowed to see each other, but he needs to know if he's not sober, he's not seeing her. Like another poster said, your daughter will figure out he's a jerk on her own....she is old enough and smart enough.
  • I have the same kind of ex, just add so me drugs and they are pretty much the same. Anytime he is willing to see MY daughter I will let him, it is hard for me to keep my mouth shut. He is not allowed to leave w/ her, or drive her anywhere, or be alone with her. But if he is willing to see her then I can not take that from her. (He has not been here in over 4 years) I make every attempt to make contact, and I try to make him want her. But...
  • She's a good kid, Lisa. She has her head squarely on her shoulders. You can and should protect her if she needs protecting. But give her some credit as well. Let her know that she can ask for your help and have it in a flash...(But I think she already knows that.)...that's not to say that if he is going to be an asshole that you should just let him (you wouldn't anyway!!!)
  • The mistake that most people make is that they stubbornly keep trying to deal with the disease of alcoholism alone -- this is dangerous and entirely not necessary. The important thing to do with dealing with a sick alcoholic friend/family member is to get immediate support for yourself FIRST. Pick up the telephone and make a call now that could help protect your sanity and your daughter's future mental health. Talking to someone on the telephone who has been in the same position will give you a new perspective that you and your daughter deserve. Stop denying yourself the help you need in this dire situation. If you were bleeding you would go to the hospital; well, your family is emotionally bleeding and as the Mom it's time for you to take the RIGHT action, which means getting outside, confidential help from folks like Al-Anon. The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve their common problems. We believe alcoholism is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery. Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity, organization, or institution; does not engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any cause. There are no dues for membership. Al-Anon is self-supporting through its own voluntary contributions. Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps, by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics, and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic. Find a telephone number for the Al-Anon Information Service nearest you, which can provide you with a list of meetings for your area. You can also call 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) Monday thru Friday, 8 am – 6 pm ET. for meeting information in Canada and the US. If no Al-Anon/Alateen groups exist in your area, or if you are homebound (like stuck at home baby-sitting), the Lone Member Service can help you. Don't be afraid to call and there are no questions too trivial for them to discuss with you. The Lone Member Service offered by Al-Anon Family Groups can help. For information write to: Lone Member Services Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617 (757) 563-1600 FAX (757) 563-1655 Finally, check out the Al-Anon Family Groups on the Internet: As the Internet itself has rapidly grown in the past few years, members of Al-Anon Family Groups were included in the millions of people who went "online." Many of those members have naturally gathered themselves together to fellowship and share their experience, strength, and hope.

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