Amen to the above. He's too immature to be in a serious relationship. Break it off while you've still got the chance, it will only get worse.

Darn Tootin - Yes

Y E S .... Leave him-- -- before you get married and turn into a battered wife. Much harder to get out [or be believed and protected by the law] if you are married. Much harder to get out with children. It ALWAYS starts with verbal abuse- no one ever walked up and just HIT-- you see it coming or you wouldn't be here looking for advice. Points to you. Now take care of yourself.

Yes, and he is a dick head. Life is too short to put up with that sort of crap.

Absolutely. Saying these things to you is a reflection of how he feels about himself. He is using you as a verbal punching bag, and after you marry him it will start to get physically abusive. You are well in your right to confront him and tell him that you do not appreaciate him talking to you that way, and if he can't treat you better then you need to "step back" and reasess why you need to get married to this ahole in the first place. Why do you want to marry him? Are you pregnant? Do you want to have this abusive mans children? What if he turns his anger on your children? Does he want to marry you so you can be his trophy wife or live in whore? Does he think that a marriage license gives him somekind of ownership of you or somekind of authority that supercedes your rights as a human being? Have you both thought about any of this? WOW... LOVE IS BLIND! Nobody ever deserves to be talked to or treated in a demeaning way, abuserz use these things as a method of control, to break you of your will and ultimatly make you co-dependent on him. The abuse won't stop, he won't get better, because he truly does not love you, he just thinks he does until the next prospect comes along, he probably doesn't know what it is to love another human soul for that matter, how can one love someone if they do not know how to love themselves? He may say that he loves you and that he will never do it again, but you are gambling with your life on this one... I bet you a dollar to a donut he can't go 6 months without saying something mean or durogatory to you.

YES. I was in the same situation...and did not realize it was abuse until he broke up with me and I started to tell people the things he said and did.

yes and he is verbally abusive

You are probably married to him by now.

no. he's just pissed off. venting

Yes it is verbal and emotional abuse. Why are you putting up with it? You are special and you need to value your life. When someone loves you they do not talk to you that way and they never hit you. He does not love you even if he says he does. He does not know how to love. You need to get out of that relationship ASAP! I know about abuse...take it from someone who knows. It starts with the verbal and will eventually end up with physical. Get out now!!

YES!!!!! Possibly could get worse. Usually doesn't until after you get married

If you do not like it and you're hurt by it, yes it's a form of abuse. Especially if it has been an ongoing thing. It's hard for him to control his anger----remember he is human----but he shouldn't be directing it at you and making you feel bad. He needs to "see himself" and get some direction to re-channel his anger. But beware, if you marry him, you risk being in a relationship of constant abuse. Remember, some of the love and passion will wear away after the first few years of marriage, and all you will have is the same person, emotionally. We don't get prettier as we age----the physical aspect of love and romance fades----and we come to rely on trust, security, and emotional bonding. With a partner like that, half of that is gone already----and you'll be left with nothing but a mean, old nasty abusive individual.

yep. i saw the evolution of my stepdad's anger before and after he married my mum

One of my friends i used to hang around with, used to take it out on his wife everytime he got mad at something, even when his wife had nothing to do with it. Then i later found out that he took his anger out on the nearest person to him, when he started bitching at me for nothing. I don't hang around with him anymore and his wife also divorced him. She refused child support, so he has no visitation rights.

When I was younger I thought that just because people talked/laughed with me, that meant they were my freinds. Then when I hit my early 20s I befreinded this lady at work. We always laughed about movies and other things. But I also noticed that she would put me down too. She felt negative things about others, but respected them enough not to say to their face. I started to feel bad wheenver we hung out. And after a confrontation, I decided that when I wasn't around her, I actually felt happier. I ended the freindship for good. If somebody makes you feel bad always then you've got to get away from them. You need to surround yourself with people that build you up,not tear you down. Everybody fights and says things they don't mean,but if the good times outweigh the bad times, you need to find some way to discuss this problem with your fiancee b4 it gets worse!

i understand totally! not 2 days ago my fiancee' and i got into an arguement that was totally unfounded and he called me so much mean names and then started to say 'God please sent me a smart and pretty woman' and "ur just a stupid dumb blonde in a black womans body' that hurt. soooooo much. i know that Very soon ill take all that i can bare and leave but the messed up part is, i love him tooooo much and thats why im still here! i too was hoping that he would change but it has become apparent that it will never stop. he most likely doesnt even love me any more. my time has reached its end with him. my best advice? Realize that u dont deserve to be treated that way; you are wonderful. you deserve real love and real respect and nothing less. realize that you Cannot chance a man; UNLESS he is ready and mature enough to handle the responsibality of true change. let that love go. i promise and guarantee u it will only get worse. if he truely loves u and wants to spend the rest of his life with u he'll show respect, compassion, maturity and uncompramising love. then consider getting back with him. if not, better b alone than lose your spirit; lose who you are. but do these things on your terms, in your time. but if and when u do, stay strong, it will be the hardest battle ever. just stay strong no matter what.

yes, in a big way. And it will get much, MUCH worse. get out!!

Yes. It means you should not marry him until he gets counseling for anger management and he has established a track record of treating you properly.

Yes is does and will only get worse after your married..

Yes, yes, yes, yes, absolutely, positively, 100% emotionally abusive, etc, etc. Get out of the relationship and find someone who is worthy of you.

If you've not noticed EVERYONE is saying to leave. I really hope you leave. I've lost a good friend to her husband. they started off fine, eventually he started calling her names, accusing her of things. Got her prgnant so she wouldn't leave. Eventually got her fired so that he could make her stay at home w/ kids. Started beating her, then the kids. She kept saying that he would change, and was getting better. The state finally took kids away from them both because she didn't "remove them from the danger" and put him in jail several times. He eventually got drunk, came home and hit her with a baseball bat because supper wasn't still warm at 1230 at night. But it all started with him saying she wasn't in good enough shape, or that she couldn't do things because she wasn't smart enough. etc. So please leave him. Others have already said it, your life is in danger. maybe not today, but years down the road it will be. If he ever (if he hasn't already) hits you, let someone know!!!! Just tell me and i'll come kick his ass till he's retarted. You deserve WAY better than this.