ANSWERS: 22
  • If you feel you are wrong for testing him, you probably are.
  • I would have to say it sounds extremely controlling and somewhat paranoid - I would not ever be with a man who felt the need to subject me to random drug tests. Then again, I don't know your entire backstory or reason behind it. What may be right for you, may not be right for me. If it feels wrong, it probably is.
  • yes, it shows you honestly care about his wealfear
  • If there has been problems before and he is willing to do this because the fact that he might get a test at anytime might help him think twice if the opportunity arises, then I think it's fine. If you're doing this purely to check up on him, it might be crossing the line a little.
  • Uhh, no. That's a little extreme. If you don't trust that he is telling you the truth, then you have bigger problems then him doing hollywood lines on your kitchen table.
  • I wouldn't like it if my BF did that to me, right or wrong, unless I asked him to do that.
  • It depends on if your boyfriend and yourself have an agreement where he enjoys being treated like a slave.
  • i'd say no. if he has a drug problem, you should try to help him come to terms with it and get some help to stop, not randomly spring tests on him, since that won't solve anything.
  • Are you his girlfriend, or his parole officer? "You can't force someone to change. They have to want it themselves."
  • SO WHAT IF HES DOING COKE, LET HIM THE SEX SHOULD BE AWESOME!
  • You will only succeed in alienating him and upsetting him. Obviously, your relationship has a trust problem...he can't trust you and tell you when he uses and you can't trust him to not use. A better way would be to let him know that you are there for him whenever, whatever the circumstance. Seriously though, I have had experience with addiction and the person addicted does not like to be contradicted...especially by a friend or S/O. Good luck!
  • a little of the top
  • There are other ways of finding out if he is taking cocaine. Basically, if you think or feel he is using, he probably is. A drug test will only prove what you already know. The question is whether you wish to stay with a drug user or not, and I believe you already know the answer to that.
  • Ahaha. I've never heard someone say "taking cocaine". Epic fail. :D
  • FYI: cocaine is one of the most difficult drugs to screen for because it is flushed out of the system within a day or two. If you are that concerned about your boyfriend's drug use, you must keep in mind that conducting random drug tests on him is more likely to make him resentful and more apt to want to hide things from you and sneak around behind your back.
  • Unless you are his parent or his physician, it really isn't your business. You are chosing to be with someone that you don't trust and may or may not be a drug abuser. It might be time to take a serious look at yourself and why you would stay with such a loser. This question is better asked of a mental health professional.
  • Your relationship should be built on trust, and it sounds to me you're extremely distrusting and paranoid about your boyfriend, at the moment. Talk to him instead, and make sure he understands how you feel. Although, if he is addicted to cocaine, that probably won't do much. Regardless, I wouldn't be testing him randomly if I were you, it just shows him how little trust you have in him (even though he might have done things in the past that might not make him deserve your trust--in which case, work on getting that trust back, and testing him regularly won't help worth a damn with that). I know I'd be pretty pissed if my girlfriend tested me all the time to see what I'm up to--it would feel extremely controlling and paranoid on her part. Besides, cocaine only stays in your system a few days, and it's fairly easy to cheat those "at home" tests, so unless you're testing him every other day, you most likely won't catch him in the act.
  • Lets put ethics aside for a moment. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone you don't trust?
  • being a recovering heroin addict, (5 yeas clean) I totaly understand what you are doing, drug addicts are the best liars, very convincing when they promise you that they aren't using, and the people who love them are the easiest to fool. And yes, it means you don't trust him, how can you, I'm assuming he's snuck around and used behind your back etc... so right now he doesn't deserve your trust, he has to earn it back, to prove himself trustworthy. I see you testing him as a way to protect yourself and him (from himself). Don't let him worm his way out of it either, lay down the law, the only way you will stay with him is if he proves to you that he has stopped his drug use. If he won't or if he continues failing the tests, you'll have to let him go, tough love. Once he realizes his drug use is turning family, friends and the girl he loves away from him, he may then decide to change his life. Nobody has the power to change another person (esp. an addict) they really have to want to change, but we do have the power to remove ourselves from their destructive lives, and sometimes that is all it takes for the addict to hit bottom and start to change. I wish you and him luck, make sure you stick to your plan, it's a good one!!!
  • It could possibly be a smart thing to do if it has caused problems, but you have no right to do so.
  • No your not, If you don't trust him leave the relationship.
  • It really all depends. If he is ok with it then there is nothing wrong with it. If you guys are having trust issues then this is one way of getting your trust back by him doing this. However if you have that many trust issues and he continues to choose drugs over you then why are you with him in the first place. Leave him already. Besides, those test are too expensive to be randomly buying just for personal satisfaction. WITH OUT TRUST YOU HAVE NOTHING!!!

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