ANSWERS: 5
  • This depends on what kind of marriage you want -- for example, some people want a partner to do things with -- other people want a degree of independence for their personal life, and try to separate family responsibilities. What degree of "togetherness" do you think you want? On the subject of togetherness, I think it is important that you share at least some of your greatest joys in life... the things you engage in when you have free time, for example, music, art, movies, food, camping, exercise, religion, et cetera -- I think sharing some of your greatest joys in life with your partner is very important. Sharing music doesn't work if you love Acid Jazz, and your partner loves Country Music -- compromising on anything you love is hard work and dilutes the joy. What are your greatest joys in life? Then there are the things that people tend to bicker over, or simply give up on: MONEY, FOOD and SEX. If your values are in sync on these matters, you will avoid a lot of conflict and unhappiness in your life. There is also the question of chemistry -- it doesn't matter what somebody says -- sometimes you can feel the heat before anybody has said a word. Maybe you have to get out of your head at a time like this and just use your intuition. Is that heat going to burn you up within a year or two, or is it going to keep your heart warm for a long long time??? May your heart stay warm for a long long time... All the best!
  • I would see the other person once before worrying about anything else. If it turns out to be "love at first sight", then... Arranged marriages allow at least one supervised peek.
  • If I where going to do it I would ask her about her religion, views on money, plans for children, sex, future plans, world view, etc. Needless to say this would be a very long interview.
  • Ask what is most important to him/her in a marriage i.e. her values and expectations. It is not what you ask her, rather what you understand about her. Understand her personality as that will reveal her needs. Then see for yourself if you two will be able to fulfill each other's needs. Be very clear to each other about your non-negotiable items.
  • 1.) How do you feel about marriage? (If she's anything but gloriously happy at the prospect, you are going to have a problem. I know in some societies males and females have their parents arrange a marriage when they are ready, so she probably is happy about it. However, make sure. It is going to be hard to have a happy relationship if she feels she was coerced or forced - even by family pressure - to marry you.) 2.) What are your thoughts on gender roles? 3.) What are your thoughts on children/parenthood? 4.) What are your major goals in life? 5.) What are your expectations in marriage? 6.) What are your expectations of a husband? 7.) What are your expectations of being a wife? 8.) How do you feel children should be raised? What is most important to teach them? 9.) What are your religious views? 10.) What are the most important emotional needs you have? 11.) What are your views on a happy sex life? (frequency, etc) 12.) Under what circumstances would you divorce? 13.) What kind of music do you like? 14.) What are your favorite movies? 15.) What kind of books do you like? 16.) What are your favorite hobbies? 17.) How do you feel a married couple should handle family relationships? How much influence should family members have in the marriage? 18.) Do you like/expect to have pets? 19.) What is your idea of a perfect day? 20.) What makes you the happiest/saddest?

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