oo.. this is too hard.. the best comebacks are so situational.

"I wouldn't be talking, fat boy, when you weigh yourself, it says TO BE CONTINUED"

When you call me that....smile

Depending the insult. Like if someone says: You're going to hell, you'd say: at least i'll be warm there. Copyright from an anonymous answerbag user.

Well, if he mentions your mama, you may say "your mama sucks...but I didn't have the five dollars!"

When I was a kid, the best one was "I know you are, but what am I" Now, I usually just go with "Bite me"

Just give them a big smile. Feeling good about yourself is the best revenge.

you can almost always use... oh ya well your just jealous. it lets them know that you really werent hurt by there insault and if you say it right it can be funny

My usual comeback is to glue-gun the said person that insulted me to the nearest wall, and then flick their nose. That usually silences them

If I'm driving down the road, and someone flips me off or is rude to me sometimes I just ignore it. There's been times where I called them an idiot. There's also been times where I've said "God Bless you". I quess it all depends on my awareness.

The classic Pee Wee Herman: "I know you are, but what am I."

... really ... ??? that is what your mamma said about you last night ... ______________ Here are a few quoted insults from some people you may have heard of “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” - Winston Churchill “A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” - Winston Churchill “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” - Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) “Poor Faulkner, Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” - Abraham Lincoln “I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.” - Groucho Marx “I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain. “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.” - George Bernard Shaw (to Winston Churchill) “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.” - Winston Churchill (in response to George Bernard Shaw) “I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.” - Stephen Bishop “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright “I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” - Paul Keating “He had delusions of adequacy.” - Walter Kerr “There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.” - Jack E. Leonard “He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.” - Robert Redford “They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” - Thomas Brackett Reed “He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.” - James Reston (about Richard Nixon) “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” - Count Talleyrand “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde “A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.” - Oscar Wilde “I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.” - Oscar Wilde “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang “He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder “If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved.” - J. Russell Lynes “A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation.” - Moliere “Never insult anyone by accident.” - Robert A. Heinlein “The way to procure insults is to submit to them: a man meets with no more respect than he exacts.” - William Hazlitt “Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone.” - Arab Proverb

If you actually believe that ... you'd better pack a lunch, its a long way back here to reality ...

Take a long walk off a short pier.

I usually like to say "You are a very sad excuse for a human being. You should just go kill yourself and make the world a better place." People don't take it the way I'd like the to, but it makes me feel better,

White Goodman knows best

... any fool who believes that will buy this watch, and a bridge to take it accross on ...

I like this one...:)

here's a few more

That depends on the situation, but my general purpose response to any insult is, "I refuse to validate that with a response..."

Yo mama so fat she wnet out in her "X" jacket and a helicopter landed on her back.

My favorite of these would either be;"Whatever doesn't kill you...make it stronger!"or "GO F*CK YOURSELF,I'm an Assh*le and I approve this message!" but I could go on for a bit.

How about what R.Lee Emery said in Full Metal Jacket;"You look like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!"

1. And, your mom. 2. Yo momma's so fat when she broke her leg gravy poured out. 3. Yo momma's so fat when she fell in love she broke it. 4. Yo momma's hair is so nappy the teeth on her comb has braces.

very often i just say "thanks." most people realize it's sarcasm but it confuses stupid people and that's nice too.

If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose. Effeminate! Well, I suppose compared to you sweetheart I AM. I have never met any one so ugly with only one head Beauty is only skin deep, you must have been born inside out Are you a 'Walk Off" I read somewhere that when God was giving out brains, the queue was so long some people just walked off...and got an extra helping of mouth I hear you were so ugly as a Baby when you were born they slapped your Mother hahahah That is a good one for an AMERICAN

typically i stick to: your mother, and that's what she said. it never fails! :D

Sometimes I say "I'd see things from your point of view but my head won't fit that far up my ass" "I'm not fluid in stupidity" "Don't talk to me. I just lost 10 IQ points listening to you." "SHUT UP" "Are you stupid? Did your mama drop you on your f##cking head when you were a baby?" Most things are based upon the situation.

hello, your teeth are like the stars,they come out at night!

hey you,i was born,whats youre excuse?

Your so ugly, You look like you got hit with a hot bag of nickles.

"Want should I go kick their arse"....yup, that's it. For every situation. No matter if it doesn't even match or have similar objectives. ;+

Oh yeah?! Well when you were born, they threw away the baby and kept the afterbirth!

You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk......

what chat room, what is your nametag?

I suppose we could come up with some but do you really want to lower yourself to their level? You won't change them.

something generic: Thank you, you answer proved me correct, you are an idiot.

mine is from a quote from the movie tigerland. where a soldier says (you know what your problem is, you gotta listern for the pop. and the other man responds whats the pop and he says "when you pull your head outa your ass"

The best comebacks are those which are perfect with their timing, are spontaneous, with a sense of humor, start with a genuine laugh and end with sarcasm that bites. I am very much good at all the things mentioned, specially the sarcasm part. *laughs* My reply could be a simple “Thank you!” or a “Done?” but the way I would tell it with the look on my face gives back enough to the person, or more. But still, there are times I use some witty and insulting one liners. Some adapted, some stolen, some made and some which just happened. *grins* Here I go: “The ladies room is down the hall on the left.” *with the blankest and straightest face” “And I care because?” *looking so confused that the person would think twice before answering* “Are you as thick as your ankles? *showing genuine concern* “What’s the point of you?” *ending with a sigh so as to there is no answer* “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.” *feeling sorry for his existence* "I really appreciate your lack of intelligence but would absolutely relish your silence." *sincerely requesting* "I realize it's already too late, but have you ever entertained the idea of thinking before speaking?" *you are a stupid and you know I too know that – kind of look* And the ones which I use very often because they can be used for almost any situation are : “If I wanted to hear from an ass, I would fart.” *just plain face, then go about doing whatever I was* “If I throw a stick, will you leave?” *with a frustrated expression like ‘let me do my job, don’t disturb’* *laughs, contently*