ANSWERS: 43
  • There are basically 2 kinds of approaches for this: the "positive" approach and the "negative" approach. The positive approach focuses on trying to accomplish more (behavior modification) and think positively (psychological reconditioning). There are a ton of books on these methods, basically they're ways to pump up your sense of having a stable and positive self. The negative approach isn't really the opposite of the positive approach, despite the name. It focuses on awareness and removing the *barriers* to being yourself fully. The basic idea is that you're already good enough, you already have a natural confidence and self-respect, but that there are automated mental processes which interfere with recognizing and expressing this. So the "negative" approach goes after those processes and attempts to illuminate them with awareness so that they begin to unravel. This is basically "deconditioning" the mind. I prefer the negative approach. The reasoning is simple: if you take the positive approach, you're basically "reprogramming" the mind -- this tends to reinforce it's automaticity and mechanisms. In other words, you're still a machine, but now you're a confident machine instead of a self-doubting machine. There's an increase in confidence, but it's still not really satisfying because a machine just isn't fully human. The negative approach doesn't have this flaw: when you remove negative thought and behavior patterns, what's left behind is freedom and possibility, and a natural sense of being yourself that isn't straining to try to become something else. But either of these approaches can help to increase confidence -- and sometimes they're combined into a hybrid.
  • Signs of Self-Confidence Let’s explore the meaning of self-confidence by taking a quiz. Read the list of statements below and check which ones, in your opinion, are signs of self-confidence. 1. Admitting when you are wrong. 2. Being flexible when change is needed. 3. Talking about your accomplishments. 4. Describing negative events in positive terms. For example, “We didn’t make our target, but we sure learned a lot.” 5. Dressing to please yourself without worrying what others will think. 6. Using a strong handshake. 7. Using casual language in an effort to avoid sounding too “corporate.” For example, “You guys did a cool thing.” 8. Speaking very fast. 9. Smiling often. 10. Learning new skills. 11. Putting yourself down in order to sound humble. Compare your answers to those on the bottom of page three under “Quiz #1.” Low Self-Confidence Part of defining self-confidence is thinking about what low self-confidence is, what it looks and sounds like. Test yourself now. Circle the statements that convey a lack of self-confidence. 1. “I may be wrong, but I think the answer is ten.” 2. “Thank you for the compliment. We’re very proud of our work.” 3. “That was really stupid of me.” 4. “I forgot my business cards. I left them in the car.” 5. (Responding to a compliment) “Oh, I’ve had this dress for ten years.” 6. “I would have gotten into the program, but they don’t like to take people with my background.” 7. “That sounds like a challenge. I’m sure we can figure out how to solve it, though.” 8. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I wonder if I could have a minute of your time.” Compare your answers to those listed at the bottom of page three under “Quiz #2.” Where Does Self-Confidence Come From? Self-confidence is not something people are born with. It results from a combination of factors: 1. Learned skill: Self-confidence is a combination of skills, not just a single quality. People are not born with it or without it. It can be learned. 2. Practice: Self-confidence comes from practice. It may appear to be spontaneous, but it isn’t. 3. Internal locus of control: Self-confidence results from what psychologists call an internal locus (central point) of control. This means that people who are self-directing, who accept responsibility for their own results, have greater self-confidence. 8 Self-Confidence Builders There are many concrete, specific things you can do to feel more confident in challenging life situations. Make note of those that will help you develop your own sense of self-confidence. 1. Follow your strengths. Self-confidence comes from being the best “you” possible. It doesn’t come from trying to be someone else. It is the result of following paths like these: • Do what comes naturally. • Develop your talents. • Follow your convictions. • Express your own style. 2. Plan ahead. Many people are surprised to hear that self-confidence comes from something as ordinary as planning. But think about it; let’s say you are going on a job interview, almost always an anxiety-producing experience. When you are prepared, you feel more confident. 3. Take action. Confidence comes from taking action. Break your challenge down into small steps and take that first step, no matter how small it seems. 4. Study. The more you know about your subject, the more confident you will feel. In fact, the lack of self-confidence almost always stems from a lack of information. We’ve all had that sick feeling that we don’t fully understand what we are talking about. 5. Act the part. The following tips will help you begin to present yourself in a positive way. • Find a role model. Look for someone who is already successful in your field. Observe him or her and identify for yourself what behaviors convey self-confidence. • Look and act powerful. Watch people who create a powerful impression. It could be a TV anchor, a character in a movie, or a coworker. Imagine yourself behaving in a similar way. For an example, watch the movie Top Hat. Fred Astaire exudes confidence. • Be aware of nonverbal behavior that detracts from presenting yourself with confidence. Ask for feedback from a trusted friend or watch yourself on videotape. 6. Rehearse for success. One of the most important ways to boost your self-confidence is by rehearsing important conversations and presentations. You can never be too prepared. These ideas will help you practice so that you really understand your subject: • Manage your anxiety. Feeling anxious is normal when you are in a challenging situation. The key is learning to manage anxiety so it doesn’t paralyze you or diminish your effectiveness. • Get organized. When your materials are prepared and well-organized, you will feel better about your ability to access them. Having information scattered in too many places makes you feel out of control and undermines your self-confidence. 7. Persist. Self-confidence is the result of a lot of hard work. The process takes time. It has been said that success is 99% persistence and 1% talent. 8. Enjoy your success. When you reach your goal, don’t forget to give yourself credit for working hard. Be proud of what you’ve accomplished. Here are some ways you can do this: • Look in the mirror and say to yourself, “Good work. I’m proud of you.” • Think of a way to reward yourself. • Tell others about your success. • Write yourself a letter or explore your accomplishment in your journal. • Draw a picture expressing your achievement. Answers to Quiz #1 Items 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, and 10 are generally signs of self-confidence. The others could be seen as self-sabotaging behaviors. Answers to Quiz #2 Items 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 8 communicate low self-confidence. (Of course, there are no 100% right answers, since many of the statements depend on context, tone of voice, cultural interpretation, and other factors.) Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or at 201-303-4303. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Garrett_Coan
  • Try something different, Buy new clothes, Meet new people, Get a new hairstyle, Clean your room, Dance, and enjoy being confident!
  • Practice, preparation, removing the obstacles that are hindering your confidence. Avoid negative feedback, ask for positive reinforcement.
  • Honesty I don't think you can. I mean you either have it or you don't. Take this one gril that lives in my town she is like 300 pounds but she does not let that stop her she goes uot has fun is like hello world here i am deal with it. And I can not be that way in front of people I do not know I am actually very shy you might say. So again I don't think you can
  • Make a list of all the qualities you admire in others that you feel demonstrate self confidence. Then make a list of things about yourself that you feel contribute to your reduced self esteem. See if you can line up any of the opposing forces. Finally, create an "action" list. Things you can do to change the low esteem to high esteem. For example: You are shy/quiet and feel that people with self esteem are more outspoken. Put yourself in positions that require you to talk to strangers or be more outspoken, like volunteering at your library to read to children, tutoring, etc.
  • think positively about youself, learn from experiences, count on the good things...
  • One success at a time. :)
  • Go to a Wal*Mart at midnight and just walk around. Make sure you pay extra special attention to the faces of the people that are there. That will make anyone feel better about themselves.
  • It can increase with age it takes time ... as you grow and so will your confidence ... some more than others ...
  • There are many tried and true techniques I would wish to share with you. Some are my own, developed from not only my own childhood hardships, but also were literally designed and taught in my Masters Class: I have had the honor and privilege to coach national and international Peak Performers. Self-esteem comes from literal Self-Doing. Like Anonymous said, 'One success at a time.' That said, I would suggest that you perhaps proceed from thinking from several other angles: • ALL OF US are made up of equal 'Selves' within. I call this 'Co-Existence Of The Selves.' This means that if I asked you what 'part' of you lacks confidence, you most likely could come up with at least one answer. [Especially since you asked the question] Right. • If conversely, I asked you to share ONE thing you do pretty well, most likely you would also be able to come up with an answer to that question as well. Now, this could be everything as simple as, 'When I was a kid, I didn't know how to tie my shoes. Now? Its second nature!' Right. Additionally, it could be as provacative as coming up with a challenge you thought you'd never meet, but did so even better than you thought you would. Maybe that was a sport thing. Maybe it was literally deciding not to behave a certain, unproductive way anymore. All of these, and countless others, 'count.' What many of we human beings have observed is that 'believing in something' is a kind of proclivity. I'm sure you can 'believe' many people you 'perceive' are 'happy all the time,' as well as observe people who you equally 'perceive' are 'unhappy all the time.' Neither of these extreme states of being, in actuality, are at all OVERALL productive. Not really! Both of these types of individual kinds of thinking, believing and behaving lack BALANCE. The 'happy all the time' person is perhpas avoiding FEELING the other sides of uncomfrotable human and humane experience. The 'unhappy person all the time,' is perhaps avoiding THINKING of the positive experiences of human and humane, common experience. That mentioned, this may lead us into another consideration: A person who accepts themselves as a WHOLE PERSON is much better off and the wiser for their understanding, acceptance and balanced point of view. These individuals understand and accept each of their inner-selves have experiential cause and reason, all coexisting to make them 'be' the who they are now, while at the same time still seeking growth and connection to the whole of humanity at large. These folks 'get' the placement of experience stored within the mind: using each not to judge as 'good or bad,' but as 'just' personal information. • The other observation we have made [in the behavioral lab/studio] and continue to make, especially within ourselves, is 'thinking' is a habit ... no really. It doesn't matter really why any of us get caught up in 'thinking' we are bad, good, lacking confidence, even confident [or whatever] ... the larger idea is to become aware of this very human tendency. And, this very uniquely human tendency arrives, most times, from a situation and/or person who -- for whatever reason -- we became 'convinced' that this was our FINAL 'truth.' [Far from it, as we shall see ...] We can all witness the person who after success after success is actually surprized that they lose the interview, the job, the girl/guy ... the whatever. We equally have witnessed the person who loss after loss is actually surprised that they win ... the interview, the job, the girl/guy ... the whatever. Hopefully, you may experience, emotionally intelligently, where I am going with these thoughts and ideas. If as an exercise, while attending my Masters Class, I asked you to get a large piece of paper and literally make two columns, one side listing: 'I know ...' the other side listing 'I don't know...' you would never receive a literal grade from me. What you would get, more importantly than any grade given anywhere the emotional intelligence that both sides could easily be filled with 'I KNOW' ... and 'I DON'T KNOW!' [We easily might call this self-knowledge: wisdom.' The universal magic about this is we all, -- and I do mean everyone -- not only could list their own personal +'s and -'s, but we all would be able to do this until the day we no longer exist! And THAT, my dear friend, is the magic and wonder of 'Living A Life Worth Living.' So? Most people want to rush to some kind of magic ... some kind of doing that will -- in a short time -- 'magically' make them more confident. (Frankly speaking here, even the confident people I know and associate with, 'wish' they had more confidence!!! And this is no lie, no myth!) And that my friend, is only very human and very real. There is never, ever a contest in this personal identifier we call 'my life.' Never a meter ticking away, except perhaps for time itself. Never a scale, except those we hold as 'BUT! I can't change!!' within ourselves. And, even these, thank you Mother Nature, can always be challenged just because we CAN! '[WOW!,really??!!!????!!' I say! Its part of that other unique-to-our-species thing called 'abstract thought!'] Lastly, for now ... my cherished equally coexistent friend on this planet -- none of what I am discussing here is about 'building self-confidence.' For each and every person it is all about falling in love with all that one is ... reaching each and every moment for empathy, not only toward others but equally to oneself. It is about the acceptence, with love, that there IS no other like us, we are never to be literally duplicated. But more? Yes, my friend. There are parts of me ... that if I CHOOSE 'to call up' could stand toe-to-toe with you in feeling 'small.' There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Yes, my friend. There are parts of me ... just like you right now ... could CHOOSE 'to call up' even the simplest things that I have accomplished, whether that was learning to tie those shoes when a kid, or concretely deciding ... I AM a whole person ... JUST LIKE everyone else! GO to a mirror! And, I mean right now! Look into that mirror, my friend. And, literally say OUT LOUD to that person in the mirror you are viewing: 'You ARE my best friend! I can always count on you to take care of me more than anyone else! You are here and present. And I am oh so grateful to be alive! I accept all that 'we' are ... and I am confident 'we' always do the best that 'we' are able until we literally know better! I trust you! I love you!' Now, you may think or believe this to be just silly. But my sense is if more people turned to themselves with compassion and empathy they would be the last people in the world to judge others as 'less' or 'more!' Peace and universal friendship to you ... http://www.selformation.net/?gclid=CIyTh4T6so8CFRssawodDm3STA
  • I've found that just relaxing and not being so serious helps A LOT. Just have fun! :D
  • This is an interesting question, I would say to believe in yourself and everything else falls into place.
  • Martial arts helps.
  • Exercise or play a sport. Sure, it helps you feel better about the way you look, and you get a skill, and blah blah blah. But the important thing is that it releases chemicals that make you feel great.
  • Talk to yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you are special and wonderful, etc. Leave post-it notes in well used places where you live that are positive and uplifting for yourself. Sit down and make a list of all the positive things you can do, then mail it to yourself. If you have good friends, provide them with an envelope and stamp and ask them to write one thing they like about you and have them mail that back to you. It's fun to compare your list to that of your friends. Before you leave in the morning, call your phone and leave a positive message for yourself on your voice mail. When you're feeling down or unsure, listen to your message.
  • First and foremost, don't worry about what people think about you. Have fun when you don't have to be serious. Be a good person and don't harm others (mentally or physically if you are not confronted). Learn as much about everything as you can and never stop learning. And the biggest thing I've learned in life is to be able to laugh at yourself. Making fun of your self will both disarm most mental attacks against you, and learn your limits and work around them. I know my physical and mental limits, and I work with them.
  • 7 Helpful Tips To Immediately Increase Your Confidence 1.) Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Too often, we place excess importance on potential problems. We all have a certain amount of energy so let’s apply it to creating extraordinary relationships, advancing our careers and meeting our goals INSTEAD of wasting that energy worrying. Take action on what you have control over and minimize risks for what you don’t. Then invest your energy wisely. 2.) In doing something for the first time, imagine that you have already done it in the past. Close your eyes, then vividly imagine you succeeding wildly at what you are really going to do for the first time. The mind does NOT know the difference between something VIVIDLY imagined and something real. Make it vivid by involving all 5 senses. 3.) Find someone who is already confident in that area and copy them. Model as many of their behaviors, attitudes, values, and beliefs for the context you want to be confident in as you can. How can you do this? Talk with them if you have access to them. If you don’t have access to them, get as much exposure to them as you can. This could be talking to people who know the person and/or buying their products if they have some. 4.) Use the “as-if” frame. I literally love this frame of mind. If you were confident, how would you be acting? How would you be moving? How would you be speaking? What would you be thinking? What would you tell yourself inside? By asking yourself these questions, you are literally forced to answer them by going into a confident state. You will then be acting “as-if” you are confident. Now just forget you are acting long enough and pretty soon you’ll develop it into a habit. 5.) Go into the future and ask if what you’re faced with is such a big deal. This might be a bit morbid and yet this works tremendously well. Imagine yourself on your deathbed looking back over your life. You are surrounded by your friends and family. You’re reviewing your life. Is what you’re faced with now even going to pop up? That’s highly unlikely. Keeping things in proper perspective really diminishes fear. 6.) Remember that you lose out on 100% of the opportunities that you never go for. To get what you want, ask for it. I fully believe that if I ask enough people for whatever I want, I can get it. This is not necessarily true and yet it’s a useful belief. As you think about your goals and what you are striving for, how effective would it be for you to believe that all the people out there want to help you if you only ask? Whether that is true or not in the “real world” does not matter. If you find that belief empowering, I invite you to adopt it as your own. 7.) Disarm the nagging, negative internal voice. That negative internal voice can keep anyone stopped. To disarm the internal voice, imagine a volume control and lower the volume. Or how about changing the internal voice to Mickey Mouse? Do you think you could take Mickey Mouse seriously if he were criticizing you? Change the voice to a clown voice. The point is to disarm the voice by altering the way it nags at you. If I hear my own voice nagging me, it stops me. If I hear a clown voice, I laugh and continue onward.
  • 7 Helpful Tips To Immediately Increase Your Confidence 1.) Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Too often, we place excess importance on potential problems. We all have a certain amount of energy so let’s apply it to creating extraordinary relationships, advancing our careers and meeting our goals INSTEAD of wasting that energy worrying. Take action on what you have control over and minimize risks for what you don’t. Then invest your energy wisely. 2.) In doing something for the first time, imagine that you have already done it in the past. Close your eyes, then vividly imagine you succeeding wildly at what you are really going to do for the first time. The mind does NOT know the difference between something VIVIDLY imagined and something real. Make it vivid by involving all 5 senses. 3.) Find someone who is already confident in that area and copy them. Model as many of their behaviors, attitudes, values, and beliefs for the context you want to be confident in as you can. How can you do this? Talk with them if you have access to them. If you don’t have access to them, get as much exposure to them as you can. This could be talking to people who know the person and/or buying their products if they have some. 4.) Use the “as-if” frame. I literally love this frame of mind. If you were confident, how would you be acting? How would you be moving? How would you be speaking? What would you be thinking? What would you tell yourself inside? By asking yourself these questions, you are literally forced to answer them by going into a confident state. You will then be acting “as-if” you are confident. Now just forget you are acting long enough and pretty soon you’ll develop it into a habit. 5.) Go into the future and ask if what you’re faced with is such a big deal. This might be a bit morbid and yet this works tremendously well. Imagine yourself on your deathbed looking back over your life. You are surrounded by your friends and family. You’re reviewing your life. Is what you’re faced with now even going to pop up? That’s highly unlikely. Keeping things in proper perspective really diminishes fear. 6.) Remember that you lose out on 100% of the opportunities that you never go for. To get what you want, ask for it. I fully believe that if I ask enough people for whatever I want, I can get it. This is not necessarily true and yet it’s a useful belief. As you think about your goals and what you are striving for, how effective would it be for you to believe that all the people out there want to help you if you only ask? Whether that is true or not in the “real world” does not matter. If you find that belief empowering, I invite you to adopt it as your own. 7.) Disarm the nagging, negative internal voice. That negative internal voice can keep anyone stopped. To disarm the internal voice, imagine a volume control and lower the volume. Or how about changing the internal voice to Mickey Mouse? Do you think you could take Mickey Mouse seriously if he were criticizing you? Change the voice to a clown voice. The point is to disarm the voice by altering the way it nags at you. If I hear my own voice nagging me, it stops me. If I hear a clown voice, I laugh and continue onward.
  • A combination of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and meditation. If you're a teenager on the other hand, going through a period of comparatively low self confidence is perfectly normal and natural.
  • There's lots of ways. You can get in shape or perhaps get a job you like better. You need to determine what's making you negative about yourself first.
  • You ask a very good and important question. Without more details about you and your situation, i can only give you some general advice, based on many years of training and experience. It may help to know why you lack self-confidence. Have others given you reason to mistrust yourself? If you constantly hear words that tear you down, you will believe them. It helps to stop listening to degrading talk. People who tell you negative things rarely have healthy motives. Learn to listen to those who honestly build you up. Look for the good in yourself. You have fine qualities-everyone has. If you can't see them, ask others what good they see in you. You also have qualities that need work-everyone has. Don't let them dominate you, but try to improve a little each day and work especially on your strengths. Associate with positive, upbuilding people. Seek out those who encourage you. Be kind to others. This will help them and you both. They will naturally become more kind toward you and you will find joy in being good to people. Helping others is a powerful way to overcome your own troubles. Read wholesome books and watch positive programs. Much of the trash on TV, the net and in books and magazines is degrading and tries to squeeze you into a certain mold. Live your own life, not that of 'superstars' who are really illusions or of characters who are disrespectful and immoral. This is a lifelong task that most of us never truly master, but these tips may help you to make a start. I congratulate you for having the courage and wisdom to ask for help.
  • Find something that you love to do and make a commitment to be the best. Study, explore and do all that is possible to learn about the subject you have chosen. Seek out others with the same interests. The arts are always a good choice for building self confidence. When you surprise yourself with what you can do the confidence will follow.
  • If your name is chuck, I recommend the book "Man Of Steel And Velvet" by Aubrey Andelin. http://fascinatingwomanhood.net/books/bookshlf.php
  • You stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on how you can be of use/help/service to others. You will be successful and with success comes confidence. In this case it comes from outside in..you do good for others, you feel good about yourself! :)
  • do what you do best. and if you get very good at it you'd get the respect and love of everyone else. and after this comes your confidence.^^
  • believe in yourself. Turn negativity into a positive. Always be able to try new things. When people discourage you, dont worry about them, because most of the times, they are just jealous.Always try your best, when you didnt do all you'd hope, forgive yourself. When you achieve reward yourself.........good luck!!!!
  • In general, yes. I know my strengths, and I know my weaknesses. Unfortunately, sometimes even my weakest characteristics are necessary front-and-center. For example, I'm not much of a motivator/leader, but sometimes life requires that I lead. In those situations, I don't have confidence. Fortunately, I don't have to be in those situations very often.
  • Yes, I do now.
  • I am as confident as Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music!
  • Yes I do. I have always had. But never overconfident or conceited.
  • If it's dealing with business..absolutely..if its dealing with my personal life, not so much :)
  • Sillytrain
  • Yes, most of the time, but sometimes it's just an "act" so that I don't appear bumbling and fumbling in front of others. Lol.
  • Yes because I know my strengths and weaknesses and don't mind owning up to them. I know what I can do well and what I'm really very lousy at doing and I think if you know that about yourself, well, why wouldn't you be confident? You acknowledge that others can do some things better than you..and you can do some things better than they..so you cooperate, help each other out and everybody wins! :)
  • Experience and really screwing things up. Get out there and do a lot of things wrong, and eventually you'll be very confident. Lack of confidence is just a phase.
  • Remember,most people are more concerned about themselves than about you. They focus on what they think other people are thinking about them. So you begin by not really having to worry about what other people think about you. Now for yourself. You are perfect just as you are. Work at learning to accept yourself, as you are, without judgment. Consider that you will only do what you consider to be the best for you at all times. You do not wish to make a mistake, do not wish to do anything that harms you, and only wish to benefit yourself. And that is the way you always have acted and always will act. The same is true, incidentally, of everybody else. If you can learn to accept your own conduct, then you will discover that the conduct of others does not really affect you, you can take it or leave it. You are complete as you are. Sometimes it helps to seek therapy and counseling.
  • There are a lot os tips on how to develop your self confidence in the "How to Articles" section at the bottom of this page. Click on the link and type "self confidence" in the search box.
  • Tell yourself, "I CAN," and not, "I CAN'T."
  • This may sound odd, but get to be really good at one thing, whether it's cooking, speaking a foreign language, refinishing old furniture, designing bridges, etc. It should be something you're passionate about, so you're too busy perfecting your skill to worry about others' opinions. People will respect your dedication and your skill, and that inspires self-confidence. Best of luck.
  • To have confidence in something means you know the extent of its ability or reliability and it matches up to your expectations - it removes doubt about it. Confidence in public is knowing you have the qualities that others expect from you - you won't have doubt about making a fool of yourself. Self-confidence is knowing that you have the abilities that you expect from yourself - you will not have self-doubt. So, learn who you are and expect a little more from yourself. Keep doing this and eventually you'll have self-confidene.
  • I'm struggling with this too. I found that going into something with the mindset that it's okay to mess up and do a horrible job somehow makes things less intimidating and easier to face. And then I end up doing quite a good job lol. But to have real confidence in yourself when inside you don't is a real challenge. You could try to trick your brain into believing you have confidence by saying positive affirmations daily like "I love and accept myself. I believe in my own worth. I reclaim my self-respect." It feels weird saying it at first, but these have been proven to be very effective. Also, surrounding yourself with encouraging, good, nonjudging, people has amazing power in helping you grow into yourself.

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