I'm sorry, there is no easy answer for your question. The best thing I can tell you (after having been in your situation) is that you need to look inside yourself & accept who you are. This relationship is not healthy for you and you obviously want to leave. The easiest way to do that is to accept that the person can not love you when they continually want to control your thoughts, actions and even who you are friends with. No matter how much you may "love" them, people do not change when they have the upper hand. Therefore you have to be the one to decide when you have had enough & are going to move on with the rest of your life. Good luck.

So many people I'm sure have read your question and thought..that's easy, just leave. I'm sure this has also been the advice given by those around you, those that have never been in your shoes. I have and that's why my heart goes out to you, I believe this type of relationship has got to be the most heartbreaking, how can the person you love more than anything and your worst enemy be one and the same? Getting out of the relationship, well for me it took 10 years, and I began looking for the answer to your question about 6 months after my relationship began. Those around me could not understand why I stayed, I couldn't understand why I stayed! My best friend at one point even turned her back on me. She said she could not stand by and watch me allow myself to be emotionally and mental abused. She had stood up for me and given me a way out and I didn't go. She didn't understand, like I already said, most people don't. A year later she showed up at my door and her first words were, "I am so sorry, I couldn't understand why you would stay, now I understand" She had found herself in the same type of relationship. She put into words exactly what I know you will relate to..."when it's bad, it's really bad, but when it's good, it's so wonderful you can't imagine living without him" So we stay, unhappy, but we stay until one day you realize your seeing less and less of that man you love and more and more of that enemy. When that time comes there will be no more inner struggle for you, you will know your through, I only hope it doesn't take you as long as it has taken me.

I have been in this situation too. It is hard cause you are so blinded when things are good. I understand exactly what you are going through. What you have to do is weight the bad with the good, but you also have to realise that your good and bad are slanted. People who control are only good to you when they want or need something I have found, but somehow they make you very happy at times which makes you think its ok. You have to realise that your view is slanted, its only slanted to what he wants. He has convinced you he is good to you when really he is anything but, he is controlling and won't let you do or see who you want. Don't be a victim. weigh it up by weigh it up from the point of view that the good is only there so he can control your view of the bad. You should never let anyone else control you and you have to say no more and when you say no more he will get angry or pretend to be sweet to get you back which is really just another game to control you. You have to put yourself first and realise this relationship and this guy are no good for you, no matter what you may think your heart is telling you. Make and stand and then realise it isn't good. An easy way to do this is to talk to someone you know he doesn't want you talking to but has no reason to worry about, without a doubt he will get angry and upset. Remember his reaction is unwarranted and unfair to you. The most ironic part of my situation was that i realised that the guy before had been so good to me, better than anyone ever before or since, better than I am to myself and now i can't believe I put up with a controlling relationship after I had been with someone so great. Getting out of this relationship is the only answer really and in doing so, I hope you realise, like I did that you deserve better and you realise that you don't have to put up with that sort of treatment from anybody. Getting through this should make you a better and stronger person. Don't fall for his games, be strong and take your life back. The hardest part is that you know all of this already, but don't just think it, do something about it, you will thank yourself once you get past the hurt.

I am very sorry that this is happening to you, I sure you have had good times with him, but You are worth a hell of a lot more than that! Control and cheating have no place in any relationship. He has no respect for you. Be straight up with him, you don't want this type of pain in your life. This is going to strengthen you. It's going to hurt at first when you seperate from him but you will feel better about yourself and you'll thank yourself. Stay confident, don't let this get your self esteem down Move on with confidence. You will be o.k. You'll see.

To add a flip to the same question, my spouse is controling in a passive- agressive manner... that is, he doesn't deny me time with my friends, but will take off on overnighters with other women shut his cell phone off, and refuse to say where he was when he eventually returns. When I confront him with facts, he blames me for finding out, and insists nothing happened. If I didn't ACTUALLY see, it didn't happen. He then turns everything around and gets mad because I knew where he was, and tries to tell me that the visits with my friends, which he knew about AND condoned, into accusations of infidelity on my part. When i tell him to check up on me, he says I have asked them to lie for me. To top it off, he won't talk about it, and tells me I am insecure. And I still stay. I have NO idea why I do.

I am in a very nasty relationship have been for years, Ive lost all my mates, i had to give up my pub job. Im all alone, i have no one to turn to. My parents have kicked me out the house because of him. He makes me sit in his car when he was at work when i had the day off. Now he makes me ring him off my landline phone every 10 mins just as a missed call so he knows i havent gone anywhere. Im not allowed anyone else in my phone. He rings me like 100+ times a day!!! Literally every 10mins or so. Kicks off at me when my battery goes flat cos of the insescent ringing. If i dont answer i get shouted at even if im at work. I want out. But how? Its so bad. He wont take no for an answer. I have to leave my phone connected to him on my dinner, so he knows i dont talk to anyone else. He cheats on me, he talks to other ppl. Goes out etc. What do i do? Its been going on for 3 years i've had enough but what do i do?

Leave him, you don't deserve that find someone better

You'll learn that all on your own when you have it happen to you so many times that you either learn to deal before getting involved or immediately after getting involved... Depending on your overall emotional maturity and potential to improve it through trial and error. Im afraid some people never learn no matter how many times they go through it. For these... No advice will ever suffice and no ammount of warning or help will ever be taken or well received.

are you in love with HIM or the idea that you want him to change, and why he can't love you as much as you do him? it's a question to think about...

you get a freaking backbone and realize that no matter how much you might love this person, you are worth way more than the bullcrap he is putting you through. get some self respect and leave his sorry butt--it's easier than you're making it out to be.

You nee to talk to him first. I am a guy and sometimes we can seem controlling when we are not trying to be or we are confused as to what is going on. My ex girlfriend used to have a problem with drinking and she would go out and need attention and dance with other e girls/guys and sometimes would kiss etc. She was 27-28 at the time of this. Me being 32 I did not think this stuff was appropriate for a committed relationship after being with her for 2 years. She said I was controlling and would not let her go out and have fun and it pushed her away. There are 2 sides to every story and you need to talk to him and maybe even see a therapist together if you plan on having a future with him.

You have to realise that the longer you stay the more bitter you will be and the more you will hate your self for staying, losing those years of your life! You are the only one resposible for your life, and you are ruining it by staying.

It's a no brainer; get out as it will NEVER get better.

How can you "love" a man that is controlling and unable to commit to you? What's with that?

You just have to realize that he is an SOB and never going to change ... Most controling husbands end up Physically abusing their wives ... even to the point of KILLING Them eventually ... Do NOT become a stastic ! Save Yourself and get the Hel* out of that relationship ... Don't leave the home ... throw his azz OUT ... and then go see your local divorce attorney ..

you have to get out before its too late! i've never been in your situation but i've seen it happen a few times and its not pretty!

I just made my escape about 5 weeks ago. I made it a point to leave over something silly and not during a heated, volatile argument. Because this was when he would make crazy threats and it would get SOOO dramatic!! He would try to stop me from leaving the room, keep me in the closet with him if I was packing, dump out my suitcase if I finished, anything to keep me, crying and all. I left simply cause he disconnected the internet and hid the laptop from me cause I didn't get up and put away the laundry the second he told me to do so. He had no idea I would leave that day. He had taken away my cell phone and hid the landline. I packed anyway..when he left..eventually found the landline and contacted a friend from work, a female friend, who he knew nothing about and she was there to take me away in a snow storm. (Btw, I didn't even have a vehicle anymore because mine got repossessed just 2 days earlier. The day after he bought himself a brand new $2500 tv.) He didn't even see it coming. Try to leave when he would least expect it and when things are calm so his mood will take on the calm note you left him on instead of an angry one. Hope this helps you and someone else out there.

You have to change your understanding/definition of love...love is a choice (to accept, commit to, grow with, etc.) it has NOTHING to do w/your feelings...you must make the best choice for your life & (the best part), you are the only one who can do it! Your feelings have been designed to follow choices, no matter what so...whatever way you choice your feelings will eventually "learn to follow" so if you understand that you are making the right choices for your life & this dude is not one then your feelins will follow & although there may be those initial feelings & tear & whatever else, those feelings will eventually change (make sure you are only speaking what you actually want) to follow your choice/words...best of luck!

turn around, open the door, walk, do not look back. Period.

you don't.

Begin to love yourself more than you love him.

If he's not willing to change, you don't have much of a future-- meaning that the relationship cannot survive. You cannot change him, he has to change on his own, the desire to do it, though, has to come from inside him.. I know you love him so much and perhaps always will, but you are talking about your life too here and a healthy relationship is one where the partners love one another, being faithful, treat each other with kindness and respect, communicate openly and make each other your top priority but in this situation you have someone who has been allowed to cheat from time and time again without enduring any consequences at all from you, it like given him a free pass to do whatever he wants and get away with it. Is this the kind of relationship you rather to be in? In the end the final decision is yours and I wish you all the best :)

You just have to realize that he is a low down piece of crap , that won't ever be any better .... Then; you need to gete yourself together and kick his azz to the curb ... as YOU know deep down in your heart that you deserve BETTER and CAN get bettter , once you get yourself out of this screwed up Cheating relationship ... Good luck to you .

Love yourself and walk out and do not look back and keep going.

..he doesn't love you though..doesn't that hurt? that he wants someone else from time to time..and he goes and gets what he wants..it doesn't bother you that he has no respect for you? you need to think about all the bad he's done to you and muster up enough courage to leave..never looking back..you will feel free and light..trust me

I'm going to echo most other people here.... Leave for your own good.... The relationship is doomed. Just because it's easier to stay now, doesn't mean it's the best decision.... long term you will be better off if you leave. It'll be hard, but will eventually be worth it. I moved out when i found out my wife was cheating on me. She was also very controlling. She tried to get me back in many ways and as much as i wanted to, i forced myself away because i knew it would be for the best. That was 6 months ago. I definitely made the right decision, i've found out things about her since then that make me even more glad too!