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by close account on September 25th, 2008

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What would make you stop being friends with someone you have been friends with for a long time??? do you think you can "outgrow" a friend?

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  • by Mara1979 on September 25th, 2008

    Mara1979

    Well, a betrayal of trust such as sleeping with my husband, stealing from me, etc. Also I do believe you can "outgrow" a friend. When I was younger I had alot of friends. As i got older, I slowly weeded out all the bad ones and now only speak to about 3 people I went to high school with.

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  • by Whitehair on September 25th, 2008

    Whitehair

    It really depends whether it is a loose friendship or a stable one, the latter meaning that it is not one-sided, that both people stand up for each other and be there in times of need. Once I have such a friend, he/she is a friend for live on my part. Yes, I can "outgrow" a friend, which means so many things: other interests, more education, no time because of traveling etc., but I would not get rid of her, I would make it more casual. Sorry for the long read, but I am always honest and have to make my points clear.

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  • by nagol the scot on September 25th, 2008

    nagol the scot

    yeah, i do, i did infact.

    i'd been friends with these guys since i was about 10, we'd done everything together, from climbing to hand clidding, free falling to shark diving and we loved every stupid second of it ... untill i turned 26, and i had togrow up ... they didn't and we drifted apart. i stopped being friends with them because when i needed them they wouldn't be there ... and i really needed them

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  • by angelsdragoon on September 27th, 2008

    angelsdragoon

    Being used!!! Be it from just not wanting to work with you to solve issues to turning their back.
    Plus as I said in another thread my best friend did my wife!

    They are both ex's now!

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  • by CaRbOnPrOdUcK is Baccuss on September 25th, 2008

    CaRbOnPrOdUcK is Baccuss

    If they stopped being friends with me and wouln't tell me why i think i would have to go ahead and stop first. You know, beat them to it, before they can keep quiet any longer.

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  • by Misplaced_Diamond on September 25th, 2008

    Misplaced_Diamond

    Most certainly
    all people change and can grow to dislike each other even when they were really close

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  • by Baccduckus is a Carbonproduct on September 25th, 2008

    Baccduckus is a Carbonproduct

    One million dollars.

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  • by Cheery Cherry on September 25th, 2008

    Cheery Cherry

    I am really not sure what would make me stop being friends with someone that I've known for a long time since that hasn't happened to me yet, although I have taken a break from my friends. I also have outgrown a friend but I still speak with that friend on a regular basis.

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  • by machinerat on September 25th, 2008

    machinerat

    I have both 'outgrown' and been 'outgrown':

    A friend of mine from high school always used pot a lot, which was never a huge deal even though I never partook. After a while though it seemed that smoking was all he wanted to do, or talk about things that he did while he was high.

    Then I had an overachieving friend who came out of the closet. Suddenly the only people he surrounded himself with were serious, studious, and affluent. There was no room for a working-class goofball like me.

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  • by BeenThereWillShare on September 25th, 2008

    BeenThereWillShare

    My best friend for many years had an abortion which was deeply against my values. I didn't "put her down" for it but our bond just wasn't the same after that and we both knew it. In less than 6 months we hardly even talked anymore, and then she just moved away.
    People often just "move on" to other friends, tastes, opinions, values, or ways of life. The friendship may still be there but not as strong.
    Another way to lose a long-time friend is to become roomates with them!

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  • by CoRoNa_ChiCK ILOVEMYH@TERS on March 28th, 2009

    CoRoNa_ChiCK ILOVEMYH@TERS

    Yes i think you can out grow your friends, i am starting to, they are full of drama, they are grown women with kids and lots of man drama, and i am so disgusted by them that i don't even want to talk to them or visit them, normally when you haven't talk to your friend for a few days and they call you it would be like hey what's going on, but for me it is like o gee what is wrong now. Which i think is just terrible because have they gotton to me that bad.

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  • by katieborg325 on September 27th, 2008

    katieborg325

    Basically, people change. And basically, people grow apart because someone either changed into something the other didn't like, or they seemed to 'change in different directions' and just didn't enjoy time together. Happened to me.

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  • by Angie on September 27th, 2008

    Angie

    People change over time so yes. I recently cut a friendship off after about 13 years because he had changed in a such a way that I no longer got along with him. The girl of his dreams left his life and he turned from being a very talented gentleman who stood out in the crowd to a very talented boozing bitter yob.

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  • by judgebill on September 25th, 2008

    judgebill

    I suspect friendships are not unlike marriages, from a statistical standpoint. That is, about 63% of first-time marriages break up. So I suspec the same is true of friendships. The majority don't last. Many stumble along, as some marriages do, and some thrive. As I look at my own life I have had many "good friends" with whom I now have no relationship...just because of circumstances, not because of any specific conduct by anybody. And I have one good friend I've known for 50 years. But I haven't been married that long. Go figure.

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  • by Anonymous D on September 25th, 2008

    Anonymous D

    The longest friendship I've had as an adult ended because I was tired of trying to help her, when she continued to make terribly irresponsible choices that ended up creating more drama in her life and stress between my husband and I. The final straw was when she decided to let her husband move back in with her and her two daughters after she'd already had a restraining order against him for trying to molest her teen. I had tried and tried to give her advice, even threatened to call the police myself if he ever called her again one night when I caught them on the phone together (before he'd moved back in of course). When she let him come back, I knew that she was just never going to 'get it' and be able to have a life that would mesh well with mine. It was too heartbreaking to watch and be helpless, so I told her good bye.

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  • by Carolann on September 25th, 2008

    Carolann

    I have many different friends.I do different things with them.Some of them like the others but some of them dont.I will call on one to go shopping,another one to just hang,and a few of them come over for wine and cheese paties(and Yahtzee of course).One that I have may eventually weed herself out.She seems to be very needed and likes to gossip a bit to much for our standards.We shall see.But I always call them once a week or email.That way I feel very busy,enriched in life,and happy.I have a friend that I just reconnected with after 13 years,it is just like the day we parted,true friends are forever!

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  • by Go know thyself is THE RED QUEEN on September 25th, 2008

    Go know thyself is THE RED QUEEN

    If they change so much that you are no longer able to reach one another on any level.

    There are however different degrees to this, for me anyway, it would have to be a drastic change one that was intentional and one that they were not able to bend on in order to enable you to be comfortable with the differences.

    I love different and odd, even nutty people... But friends have got to offer as much as they take... If they dont, then its not worth it.

    I have had a friend forever that has become rather dellusional concerning just about everything. He takes no responsability for his own actions, blames everyone else for everything that ever happened to him and it makes me uncomfortable because when people bad mouth EVERYONE else in their lives to you, you kinda know that you're on the other end of that somewhere else with someone else. I dont need it.

    I walk on eggshells for no one... Unless they are at least aware that they behave in such a way where they know everyone has to just to be around them. Self awareness is at least some consolation, no clue is no good and that is therefore not for me.

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  • by Chibi has a fuzzy logic on September 25th, 2008

    Chibi has a fuzzy logic

    I would probably stop being friends with someone if their personality changed dramatically for the worse, they started being involved in illegal activities, or if they did something that would shatter my trust in them. I also believe that you can grow apart from your friends but I also believe that with effort you can revive the friendship.
    I'm the type of person who isn't very good at maintaining contact so there have been periods of time that I didn't talk with my best friend for months and then one day either her or I would call and we would pick right back up where we started.

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  • by RosieGHM Jetpacker on September 26th, 2008

    RosieGHM Jetpacker

    Primarily betrayal.

    Of course you can "outgrow" a friend and he/she can "outgrow" you..meaning your interests change, your views change, your values change and you find you no longer have much in common..that is when it is time to move on, no regrets..what you had is gone.

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  • by orsonwelles on September 27th, 2008

    orsonwelles

    Quite often, people grow apart. Time changes the things people want and enjoy. If you still want to keep your friend, just concentrate on the thing that you both like and leave the other stuff alone. Maybe you won't be best friends, but you will still be friends.

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  • by jlminne on September 27th, 2008

    jlminne

    I do think you can outgrow a friend. Case in point, life does that to you. Usually marriage or moving plus time will change a friendship as well.

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  • by applepie on September 27th, 2008

    applepie

    You cna otugrow a friend. A trust betrayl,some friendships aren't strong enough to survivie difficult times, too. if you get into a fight and u lost a friend then it wasn't strong enough even though u may have thought it was.


    if u have outgrown a friend well i'm srry i know how that feels

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  • by invisible0007 on September 26th, 2008

    invisible0007

    It's ok there are new ones out there. Old one go new ones come. Old ones can be a bit of a bore, then again they also can be good at understanding you, and you them. Friends like marriage new maintenance you need to keep the fire going you know?

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  • by buttman on September 25th, 2008

    buttman

    Any action that would go against precisely the
    same principles which bound us as "friends".

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