Yes

Forty years ago I didn’t get along with my stepfather. I wrote this about him in 2005. http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20050619 Here’s what needs to be discussed on stepfamilies. LIVING IN STEP-FAMILIES: PRE-MARITAL EXPECTATIONS Before any couple "ties the knot" they should talk about what they expect from each other and from their marriage. When the marriage will create a step-family, this is especially important. People considering marriage often have different ideas of what they expect from each other. Discussing expectations prior to taking that big step will help a couple set realistic goals and make realistic commitments to each other. This guide, designed specifically for prospective step-families, will aid you and your children in discussing ideas and making plans for a satisfying family life. Creating a successful step-family environment can have many rewards for its members, but it requires more than love and good intentions. Flexibility, commitment and realistic expectations will all contribute to a successful step-family. Developing realistic expectations involves understanding and accepting the ways a stepfamily structure differs from that of a first-time family. An understanding of these differences will help create a satisfying marital relationship and family life. A remarriage occurs only after a marriage ends, either through death or divorce, and dreams of marrying and living "happily ever after" have been shattered. Because of this, parents and children often must deal with feelings of sadness, anger, hurt and disillusionment. These feelings must be overcome before children and adults can trust and have faith in new relationships. Also, because the parent-child bond originated before the new couple's relationship, stepparents join a family that already has loyalties, traditions, and roles established. Stepparents sometimes feel like outsiders. Children in step-families have had to cope with the partial or complete loss of a parental relationship. There is a biological parent, in memory or in actuality, who is still important to the child, and who will have an influence on the new step-family. Children remember "how my mom did it when she was alive," or that "Dad always lets me stay up late at his house." Because children may spend time in two different households with different rules and expectations, they need to learn how to make smooth transitions. They may experience loyalty conflicts not realizing you can love two people (e.g., father and stepfather) in the same role. They may need to learn how to deal with the differences in values and lifestyles between the two homes. Another structural difference must be considered before forming a step-family. A newly married couple usually has time to get to know one another gradually and make marital adjustments before adding a child with the accompanying new roles and responsibilities of parenthood. With remarriage, one is a new spouse and a parent or step-parent from the start. Because of this added complexity, it is especially important to discuss expectations and make plans for the transitions involved. Such planning has the potential of reducing stress for the couple and their children. Despite the complexities, (and sometimes because of them), a healthy step-family can provide many rewards and satisfactions for step-family members. For adults, remarriage can provide a new opportunity to develop a satisfying intimate relationship. For children who have witnessed the failure of their biological parents' relationship through divorce or have experienced the pain of a parent's death, witnessing their parent's satisfying remarried relationship can renew their faith in close interpersonal relationships. PRE-MARITAL DISCUSSION QUESTIONS Personal Goals and Expectations Jobs Household Arrangements Financial Matters Children Relationships With Others Communication Sexual Expectations UNDERSTANDING YOUR ANSWERS Personal Goals and Expectations Jobs Household Arrangements Financial Matters Children Relationships With Others Communication Sexual Expectations THE CHILDREN References Currier, Cecile (1982). Learning to Step Together : A Course for Step- family Adults, Step-family Association of America, Inc., 28 Allegheny Ave., Suite 1307, Baltimore, MD 21204 Coleman, M. and Ganong, L. (1987). An evaluation of the step-family self-help literature for children and adolescents. Family Relations, 36 (1), 64-65. Mills, David M . (1984). A mode l for step-family development. Family Relations, 33, 365-372 Visher, Emily & Visher, John (198 2). How to Win as a Step-family, new York: December Books Email me at George_McCasland@yahoo.com to receive the full document.

I had 3 step children...I think I can honestly say in some ways I loved them better than my own child. It wasn't always perfect and there were some bumps but I did love them and their children as well. Their mother and I are divorced now, but I still think of them often.

I gave you two points on this one because it hits close to home. I have two boys and my wife has three. Her three are adults and it is more like we are friends than anything else. So, I would say, no... No you can't.

Yes, you can. I am a stepmother of two girls. I believe that people come to you that are meant to be in your life. We fit together. If my husband and I ever split I would still be their mom. You do not have to give birth to a child to be their mom or dad. I had five children of my own and i still feel this way. We do not use the word biological in our house. I am just their mom.

Yes you can, my husband has been raising my daughter as his own for almost 15 years along with our daughters, he loves her just as much as his own children. Always has. Now she isn't a stepdaughter though, she is his adopted daughter because her biological dad was never really involved in her life, he told him flat out be her dad or I will.

I have 1 biological child and 3 stepchildren....I love them all. I love the children and their DNA doesn't have anything to do with it.

http://tinyurl.com/StepFamily-LivingIn

I think I could if the stepchild was accepting and the ex was not interfering. +5

I think 9 out of 10 Yes,I can.+5 for you

if you permit yourself too then yes but if you had those thoughts behind yer mind and not willing to let go then you wont be able to... if the child really does treat you as his/her real parents why wont you too

It all depends on YOU ... You CAN if you allow yourself to ... My son is not my biological son; BUT I love him more than life itself and will and do anything I can to help him ... tough love and all ... +5

not quite. there would always be the complication of being mierly a step... I would seek to adopt the child from the father. I would find it annoying to raise another mans child because the rules in each house would be different and that would be stress on the child that would have to be understood. luckily my future ex wife is doing me, my son and my future wife (who ever she may be) the favor of giving up her maternal rights.

No possible. It's value would plummet as a result, so no amount would be enough.

No, but you can make them feel the same as your children

yeah. unless there really disrespectful. like i accept my little cousin as my biological brother :)

Not the same way, but just as intensely. Now if the stepchild was a little brat, that would make it even more difficult. Lol.