ANSWERS: 40
  • What's Brown and Sticky? A Stick!
  • Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Wanna go ride bikes? (I have ADD and i know some might find it offensive but i thinks its silly )
  • Ok two snakes are sitting there one truns to the other one and asks are we poisonous? The other snakes says i don't know why do you ask. The first snake says because i just bite my tongue.
  • What's that huge animal behind you? Oh, never mind. It's just your...LOL!!!
  • A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer, but the bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in this bar." So the bear asks for the beer again, and the bartender says the same thing. This happens a few more times, and finally the bear is getting pissed off, so he gets up, grabs a woman from one of the stools, and eats her. Now the bear says "See what you made me do? Now, give me a beer!" "Sorry, "says the bartender, "But we don't serve beers to bears in this bar especially drugs addicts" "I don't do drugs..." says the bear. "Oh really, " says the bartender, "what about that bar-bitch-you-ate?"
  • How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.
  • A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"
  • A duck walks into a pharmacy, walks up to the pharmacist and says "give me some chapstick, and put it on my bill". Same duck walks into the same pharmacy half an our later, walks up to the same pharmacist and says "give me a condom", the pharmacist looks at the duck and asks "do you want me to put that on your bill?". The duck looks at the pharmacist and says "not without dinner and a movie!".
  • A man walks into a bar. "Ow." How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it. (Unique.. You sneek...) How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way.. unique up on it. (Everyone says "you tame up on it?" It's hilarious.)
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  • Bologna walks into a bar. The bar tender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here." Where did Hitler hide his armies? Up his sleevies. A rabbi, a priest and a nun walk into a bar. The bar tender says, "Hey, is this a joke!?"
  • Oh, also: How many psichiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change. And, at last, one from my cat: How many dogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Ten. One to screw it in and the rest to run around and bark at it.
  • Knock knock,whose their Nocho,Nocho who Nohco Cheese...
  • What do you call a dog with no legs?
  • There was this Blonde that was hard up for money, so she decided to kidnap a child. The next day she goes to a playground and when nobody is looking, she pulls a random kid behind a tree and says, "You're kidnapped, so be quiet and don't give me any trouble." The little boy, too startled to do anything stands there in shock. The Blonde then pulls out a note that reads: I am a desperate Blonde hard up for money. I have kidnapped your child and if you ever want to see him again leave ten thousand dollars in unmarked bills next to the old oak tree in the playground by 12:00 tonight, or else. She hands the note to the kid and tells him to give it to his mother. The next day the Blonde finds a bag next to the old oak tree. Inside the bag is ten thousand dollars and a little note that reads: ''How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?''
  • What kind of pencils do you find in the bathroom? #2 Two muffins are in the oven. One turns to the other and says, "boy, it's hot in here!" The other muffin screams, "OMG! A TALKING MUFFIN!?!" What do you get when you cross a cow with an octupus? A cow that can milk itself.
  • Yo momma soooo fat she thinks her nick name is "Damnnnn"
  • "Your mama is so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck" LOL
  • A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made. The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts. The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. "That should be obvious," he responded, "the first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck."
  • Do you know where Saddam Hussein used to keep his DVDs? In Iraq!
  • Two hunters are out in the wild hunting, when out of nowhere, one of the hunters falls to the ground. The other hunter checks if he's breathing, but there's no sign of life, so he calls 911: "Please! Help me! I think my friend is dead!" the operator says: "ok, ok, calm down, first, make sure if he's dead". After a short moment of silence, a gunshot is heard, then the frantic hunter says: "ok, now what?!"
  • what side of a bird has the most feathers? the outside duh
  • What's brown and sticky? A brown coloured stick. What do you call a 3 legged donkey? A wonkey. If a blonde and a brunette jumped off the top of a skyscraper at the same time, which one would hit the street below first? The brunette, as the blonde would have to stop half ways down and ask for directions.
  • Whats round on the ends and high in the middle?? Ohio.
  • Why did the chicken cross the road? Answer: insert any answer you want, you can never get this one right. This joke is really dumb and can have any answer. That's why it almost impossible to guess.
  • how do u make a fat kid go crazy ? stick him in a round room and tell him that his dinner is in the conner
  • How do you stop black children from jumping up and down on their bed? Put Velcro on the ceiling.
  • I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my drink and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
  • A Pakistani dies and goes to Heaven. He knocks on the Pearly Gates and St. Peter opens them. "Yes?" asks St. Peter. "I am here for Jesus", says the Pakistani. St Peter turns around and shouts, "Jesus, your taxi's here!"
  • Whats the speed of sex? 68 because 69 you gotta turn around
  • whats red and jumps up and down shouting im a pear im a pear? a mad apple :)
  • A baby seal walks into a club.....
  • Two oil workers find themselves lost in the dessert. They were out of water and the heat was slowly baking them to death. As the topped a dune they spied a dead camel. The camel was putrid. One of the workers said screw this, and brushed away the maggots and began to feast while the other worker watched on. Just as the first worker was finishing gorging himself on rotten camel, the other worker took off running. Having no idea what was going on, the first worker started chasing his buddy. After a short time of running and yelling for his friend to stop, the first worker found himself to bee feeling quite ill. Just as he started to vomit, his buddy was there with cupped hands saying, "I knew if I waited long enough, I would get a hot meal."
  • repost - sorry
  • "The income tax will only be levied on people earning more than $500,000 per year. It is only a temporary measure and will be retired within three years." -Senate testimony when the US income tax was established in 1913.
  • 2 guys walk into a bar ......well dont you thing that's stupid ?, ,,,you figure once the first guy hit it , the second would have ducked ?? ;-)
  • how do you catch a unique rabbit ??? .... easy , ,,,"you neek" up on it .,,,how do you catch a tame rabbit ? ...... tame way ,,, "you neek" up on it.
  • what kind of meat do priests eat ??? .......... ... ... none ..(nun)
  • what do you do when you get swallowed by an elephant ??? ... .... .. ... run around and around and around ...till you get pooped out ;-)
  • what hides in flowers and scares the shit out of bees ??? .... . .... .. are you ready for this ??? .... .... .. BOOBIE !

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