It sounds like you're trying to be someone else in order to please the people who love you. Is that really right? People need to love you for you.

Take some time out and step back. Stay away from people as much as you can. Think. What was it you liked about yourself previously? Write a list of the attributes you admired about yourself. Doesn't matter how long or how short. You are trying much too hard and so you're tense and anxious. Try to relax (easy for me to say, huh?)...breathe deeply and start over. Listen more than you talk. Observe more than participate....until you find your centre again. Know this.....we all go through periods like that. And we come out the other side.

A new wardrobe can help you form a new identity, its certainly not going to do everything but it can help, that's what helped me after high school, when I was depressed and confused about my identity. I think the trap you can fall into though is the possibility of the clothes defining you. Just try to be a well balanced person, rediscover your interests and carve out an identity for yourself.

I have two suggestions. Meditation works wonders in centering yourself. There are many useful techniques you can use. Scroll down to the bottom of this page and click on "How to Articles", then type "Meditation" in the search box. Another idea is to attend at retreat, either secular, or religious, depending on your life style. YMCA has some great choices, as does the Sierra Club and Smithsonian.

The first question is why do you detest yourself? Was it because of things you have done? Or because of things done to you? Self-loathing is most often due to some form of abuse. Have you examined your past for it? Traumatic abuse might be suppressed causing even more trouble in the mind. But it is still there. Another possibility is mild brain damage...like me...a catastrophic fever when I was an infant damaged my short term memory. I’ve noticed in my aging that I am also basically loveless. I don’t love nor do I feel loved. This has had definite effect on my relationships, especially family. I do not have any loyalty, meaning my consideration to everyone is based on facts and not emotion. The brain is highly complex and every emotion we posses relies on a plenitude of locations. Any deficit can be sensed by others and put them on their guard. They can remain distant. I had such little self-esteem that I felt I had no personality. I’d borrow from those around me. This had a very negative effect. No one could know me. I appeared to be mocking people while in reality I simply did not know how to act. The best people like me can hope for is to be among those that can except us as we are. It isn’t a fault. It is a disability. Trying to make yourself acceptable to others will never work. You might not have it in you. My best advice is to be yourself. Don’t compromise on who you are. If you have to, imagine who you would like to be and get yourself there. Define yourself and the people you need will gravitate toward you.