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"Hi, I'm" [INSERT "BARAK OBAMA" OR "JOHN MCCAIN" HERE] "and I will change the way government does business (by using the same techniques and tricks that all the past governments have used after promising to change the way governments do business). I will bring America into prosperity (by having the government borrow obscene amounts of money or printing money hand-over-fist should no other country in the world want to lend us more money to waste). I will give you everything you want from free heath care to full lifetime pensions via Social Security (just send the bill to the next sucker who wants to stand behind the presidential podium). "I'm" [INSERT "BARAK OBAMA" OR "JOHN MCCAIN" HERE] ". I'm with the government and I'm here to help."
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