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by Intrigued on November 21st, 2006

Intrigued

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My man looks at porn and he goes to the strip club alot. He wants me to go to the strip clubs with him. I ended up setteling for porn. Now he's got it on every night. Did I start something bad, trying to keep him interested in me?

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Answers. 16 helpful answers below.

  • by fredhetz on November 21st, 2006

    fredhetz

    It doesn't sound like you wanted to do either the porn or the strip clubs based on your use of the word "setteling" (sic).

    When you say, "Did I start something bad, trying to keep him interested in me?" did you mean that you made a compromise because you wanted to make him happy, or did you mean that you think he needs those things in order to be interested in you?

    If he is forcing you to watch porn and you don't want to, it's something that needs to be dealt with. Porn is great for couples who are both interested but it's awful if it's thrust (no pun intended) on someone who isn't.

    Big questions here: what is your gut reaction about the porn and clubs? How does he talk about it? And perhaps the biggest question: if you can't be comfortable about it, is he willing to either compromise or leave it all together?

    You shouldn't "have to" watch if you don't want to. If this is a guy who will work with you on the issue, it's a good sign.

    But before you try to talk to him about it, be clear with yourself about how you feel and what degree of compromise you're willing to make, if any.

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  • by Anonymous on November 24th, 2006

    Anonymous

    As a husband and father, If I were to indulge in porn, I would be cheating on my wife and children. What is the "spice" in lovemaking? It's love. It's love that makes my wife the most beautiful woman too me. After having given birth to four children, her body has taken a toll. I call her stretchmarks, "lifemarks". They are a reminder of the lives her and I have brought into the world together. The first was 10 pounds and 4 ounces. Ouch! It's because she is mine and belongs to nobody else that makes her beautiful. Don't lower yourself. Ask yourself "why" you feel as if you are "settling" for something? If I did whatever I felt like doing at certain points in my life, I would gladly be willing to take you to bed and then maybe get around to asking you what your name is later. One of the reasons I don't venture off is not necessarily because I am such a great guy, it's because my wife has a certain level of self-respect that would not put up with that kind of BS. My opinion? If a woman needs spicier sex to keep a man, then he, at least in some regards, has already left her. Is his mind "with" you when he is watching porn?

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  • by Anonymous on January 12th, 2007

    Anonymous

    You added fuel to the fire.

    Go out into your backyard and find the biggest rock you can carry. bring the rock into your house and throw it right through your computer screen.

    This will end the porn.

    It may also end your marriage, but who comes first, you or the porn?

    I would play second fiddle to no one.

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  • by needtoknow on November 22nd, 2006

    needtoknow

    If it makes you feel less of a woman, then tell him so! One of the biggest problems in relationships is peoples inability to be open with their partners. If you are comfortable enough with him to get naked, have sex, and watch porn, surely you can share your feelings with him. GOOD LUCK

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  • by singold on January 12th, 2007

    singold

    I had a similar situation. My fiancee and i went to Canada and he said they have really great strip clubs there. I was like how do you know? He had not been there before. i probeb and he admitted a lot. He has paid for sex, frequented naked clubs in Florida and where he lives now in Ohio. I have a string set against porn. It makes me sick that these woman do olympic type sex. I would never degrade myself to let him have his jollies. If your are uncomfortable, I can see why those woman in poran aren't like us normal people. I would be afraid he would wnat some of the unrealistic sickness brought into your bedroom. Tell him absolutely not, this is Pandora's box and could escalate to him cheating or bringing another into the sex. Don't do it! There area many folks addicted to it and what if it gets worse. Nip it in the bud NOW!

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  • by Faith111 on November 22nd, 2006

    Faith111

    It is sad you had to go down to his level to make him want you...

    Stand up and rise to where you would like to see your womanhood to be! Womanhood does not come cheap...

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  • by needtoknow on November 21st, 2006

    needtoknow

    If you did it to keep him interested then you have a problem right there, but if you were just trying to help him indulge a fantasy that's fine. Just be sure he indulges yours and is still respectful of you in and out of the bedroom! If it goes on too long then just TALK to him about it. But no, I don't think you started anything bad, just make sure everyone is enjoying it.

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  • by Little Miss Dangerous on January 12th, 2007

    Little Miss Dangerous

    I don't think you started anything bad, but you do need to make sure you're enhancing your relationship, not ruining it. It's a good sign he wants your company while viewing porn or at the clubs. It's something he wants to share WITH you.

    Are you totally against it? Your man shouldn't ask you to do anything you're truly against, but I think it is good for your relationship to at least try and occasionally indulge his desires. Relationships require give and take. There is enough variety out there that you should be able to find something you can both enjoy. You also need to come to an agreement about how much is too much, or what you find offensive. He should always be respectful of you.

    If he wants to view solo, that's okay too. I wouldn't worry too much about porn in your home (unless it takes him away from you). I must warn you I've heard nothing but bad things, however, resulting from married men regularly going to strip clubs without their wives.

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  • by Anonymous on October 29th, 2008

    Anonymous

    Sounds like you just chose the lesser of 2 evils in your mind. You should never have told him you would do the porn thing if it makes you uncomfortable. I do understand your reasoning in saying yes. Thats not good. If you are uncomfortable with anything you should say so. It may be something he is not willing to give up...in that case then you should look for someone more compatable with you and let him move on to someone who will be more compatable with him.

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  • by deidra on September 12th, 2008

    deidra

    You didnt start anything - he did - and you compromised. His desire for the strip clubs and his daily porn are not healthy behaviors.

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  • by easyrider on November 13th, 2010

    easyrider

    good job, you are every man's vision of the perfect girl

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  • by lgsummersun on October 29th, 2008

    lgsummersun

    I dont think you started something bad if it is something you are comfortable with and enjoy sharing with him. BUT... if you are compromising to ONLY make him happy, then perhaps you did. There are guys out there who are willing to give up or compromise with you, so don't sacrifice your happiness. If he truly loves you, he will give up those ways.

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  • by HortElvison on September 14th, 2010

    HortElvison

    "alot" is actually 2 words..."a lot"

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  • by SexyLips on January 15th, 2009

    SexyLips

    My ex was addicted to porn. It always made me feel like I was not good enough for him.

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  • by RIZ on October 29th, 2008

    RIZ

    Try taking him to sports, parks with your kids, any other non-devilish place of his choice.

    Try wearing colors he likes, avoid arguments, give your rights, cook what he likes best, avoid bothering him, don't insult him, obey him.

    Regardless of your religion take him to your prayers or to worship places ...

    Something which deeply inherited or established in your society cannot be eradicated easily.

    AND sometime you have to give up your rights to get something. Wish you all the best.
    Keep up the good work.

    RK

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  • by Mephistopheles on October 29th, 2008

    Mephistopheles

    Good luck to you on that one - something tells me, you're gonna need it

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