I'm 19 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. I'm not sure why because I see girls who are less pretty than me with boyfriends. I've never even had that close of a guy friend either. Am I giving off some kind of stay away from me vibe?

Meesha: thanks for the additional detail, that makes the Answerbagger's lives easier.

Fear of rejection is something we're all familiar with. No matter how attractive a person is, there's a huge difference between attracting the opposite sex and being able to "be with" the opposite sex. To be able to be yourself with all the hormones and emotions of romance lighting up is a challenge for anyone.

Relating to other people naturally is a matter of being able to be OK with whatever is going on inside yourself, without having to spend a lot of energy hiding that from others. Anxiety, nervousness, concerns about being liked -- these are all a normal part of being human. There is really no good reason to try to make them go away: you can just bring them to the party with you!

The trouble is that we try to get rid of these feelings or hide them, and in order to do that we have to withdraw into our shell like turtles. The moment we do that, we feel cut off and isolated from others -- no longer able to respond spontaneously, no longer able to listen, no longer able to share ourselves. In order to be yourself with another person, you have to be willing to be *nervous* with another person, even if it means they know it that you're nervous. This is what the word "trust" means in your situation.

Now in practice, once you start being willing stop hiding your anxiety, it starts to settle down. As your mind relaxes and realizes that its OK to be nervous, the nervousness starts to dies down. It turns out that all the effort to resist being afraid is the exact thing that's driving the fear.

When a person really understands this intuitively, they're home free -- they can be themselves with someone of the opposite sex without having to hide out. Love can then arise very naturally when the right person shows up in that openness.

It's hard to say without knowing you better. One thing worth considering is that you may just have difficulty "being yourself" with guys. If you're not unattractive, it's inevitable that some guys will show interest. What happens when they do that? Are you able to be relaxed and just be yourself, or do you become unusually uncomfortable and act differently than you would in other social situations?

If you post more details about the relationship you have with guys, you'll probably get better responses. In the absence of details, people have to guess a lot more. Just write an "answer" to your own question with additional info, since you can't edit the question.

I don't think so. When I was your age, I couldn't find anyone because I was blessed ( I didn't think so at the time) to have many things to accomplish. Relationships take some energy to maintain and sometimes you need that energy for yourself. I also couldn't be with just anyone, I had to be exactly the right person who was a right match. Just try to be yourself and do as much as you can. At the right time someone will be there for you.

You may be very beautiful, and that tends to intimidate guys. I don't think that you're giving off a bad vibe. The guys are probably just too scared to face rejection. It's frustrating, I know.

maybe they think your unaproachable

Do you smell?

There are many reasons why you might not have a boyfriend. They may relate to your social behaviour, your socioeconomic situation, any personality disorders, or even your interests.

Assuming that you're a pretty normal, decently attractive women, chances are that either a) you're anti-social and tend to stick with a select group of close friends or b) deep down inside you don't really want a boyfriend.

I cannot provide an accurate answer without knowing you. But have faith! You'll get through this and end up with someone. I promise.

Now that you have given us some of your background, here we go.....

I never had a sister, so meeting girls was a challenge for me. one day, looking in a mirror, i decided to change my entire personal image. i began wearing and dressing in clothes that made me a standout. i made a permanent concrete smile on my face. i decided that i was going to be a people person and started talking my _ss off. i learned a little bit just about everything in order to carry on a logical conversation. i iniated many conversations. soon after, i was voted most popular in high school.

You have it within your soul to make a change in your life. change your hairstyle. if you wear glasses, get contacts. do a beauty makeover and ask a female friend(in the know) to help you.

Its your life and your decision. you will never have another opportunity or another time in life, to be 19 again. give it a try. the only thing you have to lose, is to continue your life as it is today.

Be happy, wear a smile and maintain a good attitude and show it off to other people.

They will notice. promise.

It could be because i'm too shy. I don't know but everybody says I'm quiet until you get to know me. I usually let other people do the work in getting to know me, including guys. I know thats bad but I guess I'm too afraid of rejection too. I don't even know how to act around guys. I have no brothers and an absent father so maybe that has something to do with it too. Maybe people can just read it on my face. I've had one semi-close guy friend but we never liked each other in that way and we barely talk to each other now. Is that more what you're looking for? P.S. thanks for the help!

.

Being honest, its hard to believe you are nineteen and do not have a boyfriend.

Like stableboy said, its difficult to give an answer, without more personal infomation from you. like, your height, weight and so on.

Don't give up. give us more info.

It's really not that serious...You have time...I'm also 19 and have never had a boyfriend....But I'm not worried about it because this is the time to focus on my schoolwork and get my degree. This is the time to discover who I am, what I want in a future boyfriend/husband, and become comfortable with myself. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that I will have a boyfriend when the time is right....hey, my mom had her first boyfriend, my father, at age 23 and they're been happily married for 21 years now....so don't panic...just keep your standards high and be patient :)

I am also nineteen and have never had a boyfriend. You are not alone!

I have been told that I have the "complete package:" looks, intelligence, personality. However, I used to be very gawky and shy. I have just started to come out of my shelll. Therefore, for me, I think it is a mixture of my own inability to get close to others due to my previous insecure self, and the fact that boys are scared of rejection and intimidated by girls who they believe to be out of their league.

I am sure you will find someone. Keep a smile on your face and a positive attitude. That is what I am trying to do. Try not to wait for someone to come to you. If you like someone, be outgoing. Good luck!

Don't worry too much. I'm 19 years old too and I've never had a boyfriend either. The guys I meet all see me like a sister and a good friend. I personally think that there is someone in the world for every individual. Right now you should forget about getting into a relationship and focus on your studies. After you meet the one, you will have a lifetime to spend time with them.

Maybe you're giving off the I'm a stuck up little bitch who thinks she is God's greatest gift to the male species and losers need not apply vibe. Just a thought

Its hard to say from a paragraph, but its not weird that you have had a boyfriend by 19. Most people I know haven't had a relationship worth a damn until their 20s anyway, and I didn't have my first GF until I was 25. It could be maybe you a respectable young woman, and most guys your age are horny bastards and only notice sluts. In their 20s after a couple shitty relationships, they will notice you.

Hey it's good to know that here are other girls out there in the same boat! I'm 19 and attractive ( i hope!) and smart and funny and so sometimes i think I'm some kind of freak because all my other friends have had boyfriends. Maybe its good for us to learn to rely on ourselves instead of on boyfriends for our self condfidence? I'm just as lost and confused as you are sometimes. But I've decided just to sit back and enjoy the ride of life. I'll waste time worrying if i'm thirty and have never been on a date lol!

you need to get your personality out there. xx

well I dont know you but I am woundring if ya would like to chat some time out of here cemteryman@yahoo.com

i am also 19 had one gf but not much luck in that dept lol so ur not the only one my bro who is how shall we say a man slag says 4 me its jus confidence i need

I'm sort of in the same situation, but I'm a year younger and I've had lots of "sort of" boyfriends. I've always been abit scared to make it official I guess, or try too hard, because my parents (especially my mum) are really christian and overprotective which can make it quite difficult. I've ended up having them know pretty much nothing about my social life... Now I like one of my best guy friends and I'm 90% sure he likes me too and we're regarded as a couple in our group. I'm in no hurry now, I feel safe. I used to worry about having a bf to be socially normal but screw that, I'm happy with how life is atm.

Anyway - it sounds like shyness is playing a big part in your problem. I used to be shy, and still am sometimes I guess. I lost abit of weight and started wearing my hair down, using makeup etc a couple of years ago and that really gave me alot of confidence. Then again, that's not nessecary but was just a help for me. I guess my advice is to smile more, laugh (but not at everything, thats just annoying), don't moan about life too much or talk to much about other people. Another thing is don't overthink!! I used to always to this and was in unrequited love with a guy for thirteen months!! Overthinking never does any good. I read a quote somewhere that went something like "misery is almost always the direct result of thinking." Might sound weird but I couldn't agree more!! Anyway hope that helped... :)

Hey-- I feel so weird posting on this blog and I feel pathetic for even googling this but I am also 19 and in the exact same position. I have always been a party girl who loves to go out and have fun. I'm a sophomore in college and I am in a sorority..so I'm a very social person. BUT I am also a virgin.. not many people know that but it is the truth. I have never had a serious boyfriend but I have had a handful of random hookups which usually don't lead to much more than a make out haha. I just want to find the right guy but I haven't met one that even comes close to what I am looking for. I have some really close guy friends from high school but not many in college. I don't know what is wrong with me but everyone around me seems to either be in love or have an amazing sex life haha which I have neither. I think when people meet me and look at me they would never tell that I am in this position but I am... I just feel like I have been living this way and I guess acting a certain way for so long that I am afraid I don't know how to meet guys or even act in a boyfriend situation? HELP...

I'm sort of in the same situation, but I'm a year younger and I've had lots of "sort of" boyfriends. I've always been abit scared to make it official I guess, or try too hard, because my parents (especially my mum) are really christian and overprotective which can make it quite difficult. I've ended up having them know pretty much nothing about my social life... Now I like one of my best guy friends and I'm 90% sure he likes me too and we're regarded as a couple in our group. I'm in no hurry now, I feel safe. I used to worry about having a bf to be socially normal but screw that, I'm happy with how life is atm.

Anyway - it sounds like shyness is playing a big part in your problem. I used to be shy, and still am sometimes I guess. I lost abit of weight and started wearing my hair down, using makeup etc a couple of years ago and that really gave me alot of confidence. Then again, that's not nessecary but was just a help for me. I guess my advice is to smile more, laugh (but not at everything, thats just annoying), don't moan about life too much or talk to much about other people. Another thing is don't overthink!! I used to always to this and was in unrequited love with a guy for thirteen months!! Overthinking never does any good. I read a quote somewhere that went something like "misery is almost always the direct result of thinking." Might sound weird but I couldn't agree more!! Anyway hope that helped... :)

do you go out in huge groups of women?
i hate trying to talk to people when there friends are about.

I'm sort of in the same situation, but I'm a year younger and I've had lots of "sort of" boyfriends. I've always been abit scared to make it official I guess, or try too hard, because my parents (especially my mum) are really christian and overprotective which can make it quite difficult. I've ended up having them know pretty much nothing about my social life... Now I like one of my best guy friends and I'm 90% sure he likes me too and we're regarded as a couple in our group. I'm in no hurry now, I feel safe. I used to worry about having a bf to be socially normal but screw that, I'm happy with how life is atm.

Anyway - it sounds like shyness is playing a big part in your problem. I used to be shy, and still am sometimes I guess. I lost abit of weight and started wearing my hair down, using makeup etc a couple of years ago and that really gave me alot of confidence. Then again, that's not nessecary but was just a help for me. I guess my advice is to smile more, laugh (but not at everything, thats just annoying), don't moan about life too much or talk to much about other people. Another thing is don't overthink!! I used to always to this and was in unrequited love with a guy for thirteen months!! Overthinking never does any good. I read a quote somewhere that went something like "misery is almost always the direct result of thinking." Might sound weird but I couldn't agree more!! Anyway hope that helped... :)

I'm 16... are you shy? im a guy, but im shy. when there is a shy girl i like or think is cute, it makes it hard to communicate... though i do have several friends that are girls... could that be repelling any possible girlfriends? im not sure. good luck hopefully this helps.

i am totally in the same boat as you. i thought it was just me who had this problem. everyone keeps asking why i don't have a boyfriend. like am gna have a clue. ave decided to focus on getting my career set up and hopefully along the way some one will come along and will accept me for who i am. remeber always be yourself. dnt ever change for who you are. i wish you the best xx

your just seem to come off as "you cant get me". but after that being said just continue being yourself, the knight in shiny gold armor will find you

prhaps you could take a look in the finding someone to date with similar issues, ie not having hada partner, and message them? see where it takes you :)

You will find love when you aren't looking.

Why dont you ask a guy out? equal opertunity and all that.

Honey give yourself a break. Many people don't date until college.

It's fine... There is a social stigma attached to dating that doesn't apply to just anyone.


Be gentle with yourself, take your time and be picky! There are too many losers out there to define yourself by any old anyone just because you want to date SOMEONE!

Your Mr. Right will come, they always do.


But in the meantime... Do you have BO or something? Bad hygene? make sure you smell nice and are always clean.

Are u a lesbo perhaps ??

takes time for people to realize what a real treasure you are...

when somebody does then yer gudluck hehehe

dont rush it

no problem sweety...dont be upset...god bless u loads og boy friends....and for more help there is my friend.he is love expert,u can discuss your problems at love_xpert@yahoo.com it is 100% secure and privacy....

Dont feel bad... I been through that. I had girls date me just to break my heart. I am 25 now and waitting for the right person.

I agree with Auntie Em and had a similar situation when I was younger. The attraction factor is sometimes the reason because guys can be easily intimidated by that.

Also, guys (especially at a younger age) are more likely to go after a "sure thing" than someone who is a question mark.

More importantly, I say to work on your self-esteem. Don't value yourself based on how many boyfriends you have or have not had. Remember that it is quality over quantity.

When you start asking yourself: "What's wrong with me?" or comparing yourself to others, then you are setting yourself up to make bad decisions. In men and relationships.

Remember not to settle just to have a 'boyfriend' in your life. It will come with time.
Be confident and secure in who you are and it will all come with time.

I'll date you if you pay me.

Maybe your mouthwash ain't makin' it.

Those guys don't know what they're missing. They're blind to see the person whose right in front of them - you. All I can say is that be who YOU are (don't be someone who your normally not). I myself am 20 years going on 21 and I have never been kissed nor ever had a girlfriend (talk about a ironic in reference to "Never Been Kissed"). It has baffled my why guys who look less attractive than me for example have girlfriends. As much as it is aggravating and somewhat depressing at times, I always bask in the feeling of being single (sometimes) because I have no worries and my priorities are unclouded so to speak.

OH MY! I'm am soo glad I'm not the only one!
I'm 19 too... and never have had a boyfriend!

But right now... I'm fine with that!
I'm much more concerned with making friends and having fun without having someone tag along with me!
I know that sounds kinda harsh...but its true...

Right now... I am going to be starting my second year of college and don't want an attachment.
And another reason is... I've watched many friends screw up with a dumb relationship and get extremely hurt! I just don't want to be that vulnerable!

And even tho... Some guys have been interested in me... I feel that we are too different and I'm just not quite ready for anything. And even when I am, I'm still going to be freakin picky!
And who is really going to care?
I mean... I've had friends say, "Oh man, We are going to hook you up!" Which I find that statement absolutely terrifying!! I just hope that when the time comes... The guy can find me cuz I'm way too shy to find him!
:)

I am in the same exact boat. 19 and no boyfriend.

I am very shy and have trouble opening up to people.

I recently started college and a few guys approached me and wanted to hang out but I was too nervous, freaked out and said No! I told my other friends I said this bc I want to get to know a guy better first before dating. and they were like..he just wanted to hang out! lol

good luck

I am 19 also and have never had a boyfriend. I am also attractive and don't know why no one wants to ask me out. The only guys that talk to me are rude, chavunistic, guys who only want to get in my pants. What you can do is stop hanging out at the same places with the same people. If you have close gay friends, don't go everywhere with them because that makes straight guys feel weird. Just go up and talk to people. sit next to cute guys you see in public places. the time will come for us.

Hello Meesha,

I do not think its a problem, I am sure that the right person for you had not yet met you. Thus this is happenning.

Hmmm, It would be better if you can email me at: msmonir@gmail
then we can share and resolve the matter together. What do you think?

Waiting for your reply.

I JUST WANT TO HUG ALL OF YOU. :D Everyone is so cute and actually has morals here--GROUP HUG! *spreads out arms*

im'20 and im so happy im not the only pretty, smart , nice girl here in this world ...who happens that only had a bf who was a jerk and only wanted to get in my pants ...i think there's soemone outthere for us .someone as nice as us ....

It could be your personality, or it could be bad hygine?
or it could be because you may be very beautiful but that can intimidate guys. or could be because you wear far too much make up and dress up abit too much. but it all depends on you and the guy. what the guy looks for in a girl etc. you will get a boyfriend in time x

hey im 19 too and in the exact same situation... im used to be worried that i would never meet anyone because people have said that im intimidating at first approach lol but i dont understand because once a guy does get to know me he's shocked that i aint been with anyone as i am pretty, intelligent, great sense of humour n im not a stress head at all... but yes i do believe that there is someone out there for me, however it would be nice to be asked out.. to get to know ME not in my pants- thats really annoying..
i think that all my beautiful ladies out there, that think that theres something wrong with them to just STOP and tell yourselves that you are worthy of meeting the right perso who will treat you right and not just mess you aroung and hurt you!!!!!!!

but i bet u'v had sex multiple times.

hey, I´m happy to hear about people who haven´t got a boyfriend yet, too.
I´m 19 from Europe, I searched there for such themes and found a few, but I think in USA it is more usually to be a virgin with an age of 19 than here in Europe. But it is frightening about what sexual practics 14 year old children are writing (that are so many!)
I´m not a virgin because of religious convenience, but nobody asked me about a date or something, although I´m not ugly. Now I´m studying and in fact Im not only the youngest student but also the only virgin, I think.
It gets more complicated the older I am. Now a boy asked me, but I didn´t told my mom yet about and I´m to shy to tell her, so in Europe I´m already adult, but I don´t want to meet him without my mom knows it. This is a hard task. And I don´t know how to behalf at a date/on a date? But I´m still waiting for the right one.
What I don´t understand is that many answers in Europe are about "maybe you aren´t ready for sex if you are still afraid of it" hmm so I´m also afraid of my first kiss and I don´t think that I´m not ready for this "thing" (I´m already 19!). It is only the fact that the other person will be more experienced (when you have in mind most the people here have their first time with 14 or 16). To my mind it´s very odd, guys are "hot" to deflower virgins, it makes me even more afraid of telling it a boy in sometime. Than I won´t know why he is probably waiting to have sex with me. Well, if I would let him waiting very long he probably don´t care about it.
Isn´t it like everyone is afraid of new experience, it doesn´t matter how old you are or what the new thing is!
So Good Luck!

if you tell me what star sign you are i will give you a better answer: But it could be that Guys see you as hard to get and the are to nervous to talk to you, the ones who do have the guts, i suppose you have no interest in...i say this is a good thing as you dont make yourself available to all men and sell yourslef as cheap. However, if you see a guy that you like and he might be interested, start chatting to him and let him see that you are easy to talk to, let him find comfort iwth you and then let him make the right moves....guide him :-)