Finding someone to date
 
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I'm 19 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. I'm not sure why because I see girls who are less pretty than me with boyfriends. I've never even had that close of a guy friend either. Am I giving off some kind of stay away from me vibe?

By Meesha Asked Nov 20 2006 6:04PM
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Top Answer out of 57

by Stableboy on Nov 20, 2006 at 6:43 pm Permalink

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Meesha: thanks for the additional detail, that makes the Answerbagger's lives easier.

Fear of rejection is something we're all familiar with. No matter how attractive a person is, there's a huge difference between attracting the opposite sex and being able to "be with" the opposite sex. To be able to be yourself with all the hormones and emotions of romance lighting up is a challenge for anyone.

Relating to other people naturally is a matter of being able to be OK with whatever is going on inside yourself, without having to spend a lot of energy hiding that from others. Anxiety, nervousness, concerns about being liked -- these are all a normal part of being human. There is really no good reason to try to make them go away: you can just bring them to the party with you!

The trouble is that we try to get rid of these feelings or hide them, and in order to do that we have to withdraw into our shell like turtles. The moment we do that, we feel cut off and isolated from others -- no longer able to respond spontaneously, no longer able to listen, no longer able to share ourselves. In order to be yourself with another person, you have to be willing to be *nervous* with another person, even if it means they know it that you're nervous. This is what the word "trust" means in your situation.

Now in practice, once you start being willing stop hiding your anxiety, it starts to settle down. As your mind relaxes and realizes that its OK to be nervous, the nervousness starts to dies down. It turns out that all the effort to resist being afraid is the exact thing that's driving the fear.

When a person really understands this intuitively, they're home free -- they can be themselves with someone of the opposite sex without having to hide out. Love can then arise very naturally when the right person shows up in that openness.
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Answer 2 out of 57

by Stableboy on Nov 20, 2006 at 6:16 pm Permalink

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It's hard to say without knowing you better. One thing worth considering is that you may just have difficulty "being yourself" with guys. If you're not unattractive, it's inevitable that some guys will show interest. What happens when they do that? Are you able to be relaxed and just be yourself, or do you become unusually uncomfortable and act differently than you would in other social situations?

If you post more details about the relationship you have with guys, you'll probably get better responses. In the absence of details, people have to guess a lot more. Just write an "answer" to your own question with additional info, since you can't edit the question.
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Avatar EL1 2 Nov, 20 2006 at 06:18 PM
Yes, I agreee.

Answer 3 out of 57

by Azraff on Nov 20, 2006 at 6:13 pm Permalink

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I don't think so. When I was your age, I couldn't find anyone because I was blessed ( I didn't think so at the time) to have many things to accomplish. Relationships take some energy to maintain and sometimes you need that energy for yourself. I also couldn't be with just anyone, I had to be exactly the right person who was a right match. Just try to be yourself and do as much as you can. At the right time someone will be there for you.
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Answer 4 out of 57

by Meesha on Nov 20, 2006 at 6:26 pm Permalink

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It could be because i'm too shy. I don't know but everybody says I'm quiet until you get to know me. I usually let other people do the work in getting to know me, including guys. I know thats bad but I guess I'm too afraid of rejection too. I don't even know how to act around guys. I have no brothers and an absent father so maybe that has something to do with it too. Maybe people can just read it on my face. I've had one semi-close guy friend but we never liked each other in that way and we barely talk to each other now. Is that more what you're looking for? P.S. thanks for the help!
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Avatar ZombieJesus Nov, 30 2008 at 05:04 PM
Psh, I'm the opposite. I'm loud and obnoxious until people get to know me. THEN, I'm only loud and outgoing and such about once a week. When I get bored, y'know? :D Good luck!

Answer 5 out of 57

by fender_carly_strat on Nov 20, 2006 at 6:09 pm Permalink

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You may be very beautiful, and that tends to intimidate guys. I don't think that you're giving off a bad vibe. The guys are probably just too scared to face rejection. It's frustrating, I know.
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Answer 6 out of 57

by Anonymous on Nov 20, 2006 at 6:24 pm Permalink

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Being honest, its hard to believe you are nineteen and do not have a boyfriend.

Like stableboy said, its difficult to give an answer, without more personal infomation from you. like, your height, weight and so on.

Don't give up. give us more info.
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Answer 7 out of 57

by The One No More on Nov 20, 2006 at 6:15 pm Permalink

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.
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Avatar Darkling Nov, 21 2006 at 01:32 AM
That's nearly Stableundead!
Avatar P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines May, 30 2007 at 09:36 PM
I knew his comments on the one thread where a warning he was getting in touch with his girlie side.
Avatar Darkling Jun, 01 2007 at 03:05 PM
I don't know if that's more or less illegal than getting in touch with his canine side. Someone should have called the SPCA on him months ago ;)

Answer 8 out of 57

by EL1 2 on Nov 20, 2006 at 6:08 pm Permalink

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Do you smell?

There are many reasons why you might not have a boyfriend. They may relate to your social behaviour, your socioeconomic situation, any personality disorders, or even your interests.

Assuming that you're a pretty normal, decently attractive women, chances are that either a) you're anti-social and tend to stick with a select group of close friends or b) deep down inside you don't really want a boyfriend.

I cannot provide an accurate answer without knowing you. But have faith! You'll get through this and end up with someone. I promise.
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Avatar Miyaku Jan, 03 2007 at 12:25 PM
"Do you smell?" LOL Just like a guy!!!LOL JK
Avatar Miyaku Jan, 09 2007 at 05:17 AM
I shall look at it!
Avatar bookworm Apr, 17 2009 at 01:10 AM
hahaha! do you smell.. so blunt. this is my favorite answer.

Answer 9 out of 57

by bonny34 on Jan 3, 2007 at 12:22 pm Permalink

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maybe they think your unaproachable
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Answer 10 out of 57

by Anonymous on Nov 20, 2006 at 6:58 pm Permalink

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Now that you have given us some of your background, here we go.....

I never had a sister, so meeting girls was a challenge for me. one day, looking in a mirror, i decided to change my entire personal image. i began wearing and dressing in clothes that made me a standout. i made a permanent concrete smile on my face. i decided that i was going to be a people person and started talking my _ss off. i learned a little bit just about everything in order to carry on a logical conversation. i iniated many conversations. soon after, i was voted most popular in high school.

You have it within your soul to make a change in your life. change your hairstyle. if you wear glasses, get contacts. do a beauty makeover and ask a female friend(in the know) to help you.

Its your life and your decision. you will never have another opportunity or another time in life, to be 19 again. give it a try. the only thing you have to lose, is to continue your life as it is today.

Be happy, wear a smile and maintain a good attitude and show it off to other people.

They will notice. promise.
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I'm 19 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. I'm not sure why because I see girls who are less pretty than me with boyfriends. I've never even had that close of a guy friend either. Am I giving off some kind of stay away from me vibe?

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